Page 32 of A Game of Survival

“I’d love that very much,” I smile, watching as his eyes light up, for him to take my hand in his and lead me though the house to a small but cozy room housing a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall and a huge couch scattered with cushions and blankets. I let Alesso lead me to the couch and follow his instruction as he tells me to sit and wait while he runs to his room to grab his duvet from his bed. Hopefully this will be the distraction I need to keep me sane until Silas and Linc bring Teddy back.

Alesso comes running back into the room a few minutes later with his duvet bundled into his arms and over his head, laughing as he dives with it head first into the couch.

“Are you alright?” I laugh as he untangles himself from the material and begins to arrange the cushions and other blankets, making a little nest of comfort in the middle of the couch.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he answers, fully absorbed in his task.

“Do you want to pick the movie?” I ask, feeling a little helpless as he does all of the hard work to get the blankets exactly where he wants them.

“No, it’s OK. I’ll let you pick,” he says, finally falling back against the couch cushions. “All done. Come on,” he grins, holding his arms out wide, showing off his work before he pats the space next to him signaling for me to sit beside him.

“Alright then, how about we watch Spider-Man?” I ask, knowing that’s one of Teddy’s favorites so I’m hoping Alesso likes it too. And with the loud cheer that erupts next to me, I’d say that that was a yes.

“I love Spider-Man!”

As we settle down into the cozy nest of fabrics Alesso leans into my side just as Teddy does and without even thinking about it, my arm comes up automatically to rest around his back so I can pull him closer to me.

"I think my dad really likes you," Alesso divulges as the movie begins to play. I stifle a laugh at his words, bringing my eyebrows up in a mock shocked expression.

"What makes you think that?" I ask, on a serious note I'm purely invested in how he's gotten to this conclusion. I wonder if he talks about me.

"He's different since he met you," he says quietly, almost in a sort of daydream, but his words are filled with sadness as he stares at the TV screen, not really paying attention to the images. My stomach knots at the vacant expression, wondering if his imagination has taken him back to a dark place in his childhood.

"Is it OK that he likes me?" I ask, mentally preparing myself to be told by a child that's so much like my own in so many ways, that he doesn't like me at all.

"Do you like him?" Alesso asks, catching me unprepared for that specific question but I can't help but smile at him as he stares wide eyed at me, waiting for my answer.

"I do like him." I nod, watching his expression turn from worry to one of joy as he grins widely at me. "I like him a lot." I add, ruffling my fingers through his hair which earns a playfully delighted giggle from him.

“Then yes, it’s OK that he likes you,” he nods, enthusiastically. "Teddy is lucky to have a mom like you," he smiles, lunging towards me and wrapping his arms around my neck. The statement winds me coming from such a precious little boy whose own mother thought he wasn’t worth the fight to survive. I could never stop fighting for my boy. I bring my arms around his body and hold him close, feeling his heart beating rapidly against my own.

"Thank you, Alessandro," I whisper, not knowing how much I truly needed to hear those words today.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Max standing against the door frame. I’m not sure how much of the conversation he’d heard but he doesn’t let on, instead he watches our embrace with sympathy in his eyes before dipping his head and walking away. I hope Kat wasn’t too harsh on him over the phone. He’s been through his own shit, and although he’s hiding it well, I can read my brother like a book. I know he’s blaming himself for this. I know he’s taking this personally; this attack his father has conducted. But he isn’t to blame. I need to make sure he knows that. But right now, I can’t bring myself to go after him. Not when Alesso needs me to be here with him, to comfort him and stay with him until his dad comes home.

I must have been more exhausted than I thought as I jolt awake to a pitch black room and see the movie has long since finished. I can still feel Alesso laying beside me and hear his deep rhythmic breathing as he sleeps soundly wrapped under his duvet. I try not to jostle him but even though the room is shrouded in shadows, my eyes automatically zone in on the dark figure lurking in the doorway, causing the hair’s on the back of my neck to stand on edge. I gasp, louder than anticipated and the figure immediately moves towards me, covering the space in two large strides.

“Shhh Love, it’s only me,” a familiar voice melts through my fear.

“Jesus Christ, Linc! You scared the shit out of me!” I whisper-shout, running my fingers down my face. I take in the slight smirk of his lips as he brings his hand to mine, entwining our fingers and although the room is dark, my eyes have adjusted to the shadows enough to notice his eyes flick between Alesso and I.

“Come with me,” he whispers, tugging at my hand.

My nerves and excitement of finally seeing Teddy again are making it hard to function and I feel the need to lean against him in the hopes of standing up straight.

“Teddy… is he?…” I whisper, unable to finish my question as Linc leads me through the house, unsure if I honestly want to hear the answer. What if they hurt him? I will never forgive myself. I shudder at the thought, with a threatening wave of nausea rolling through my body.

“He’s scared mostly. He fell asleep on the drive back, but he was asking for you from the moment we got to him.” Linc responds, not daring to look at me as we come to a halt in front of a closed bedroom door that I’ve not been into before. “I sat with him while he slept. I didn’t want him to be alone when he woke up. He was exhausted and when we realized you were asleep too, we figured it was best to let you both rest. He’s in here, he woke up a few minutes ago asking for you but I think he fell back asleep. I thought you could both use a bit of privacy after what he’s been through.” Linc says sincerely, dipping his head and squeezing my hand.

“Thank you for bringing him back to me. I will never be able to repay you for this.” I breathe out slowly before entering the room, leaving Linc in the hallway. Before I close the door, I glance back, noting the unsettled look in his eyes before he turns his head and strides away. That look troubled me, but I can’t think straight right now, my entire body seems to have detached from itself as soon as my eyes fall on the sleeping boy across the room.

I made my way across the room in some form of trance. I was unaware of my own movements, or the fact that I had moved at all. That was until my hand reached out so I could stroke my fingers across his perfectly rounded cheeks. The ache in my chest was all too real as I stood watching his chest rising and falling while he slept, but this time it did not hurt. No, this time it encompassed me and pulled me under its weight. I could feel it, the weight of this moment traveling throughout my soul. My body hummed and throbbed and tingled straight through to my fingertips. I could feel every follicle of hair on my scalp as my skin prickled and warmth spread throughout my veins. My mouth opened, but only a silent scream was released as I collapsed to my knees beside the bed. Was this real or was I only dreaming? I couldn’t control the violation of thoughts that ravaged me. All I had wanted was to have my son back but now he was here in front of me, without warning, my brain was trying to convince me it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.

I close my eyes so tight I can see white swirls of patterns dancing in my mind as I ball my fists into my hair and will myself to get it together. I can hear Teddy calling for me. This had to be a dream.

“Mommy,” he calls as I watch him reach over to me. His voice is faint and far away and I can’t quite decipher his features. This isn’t real. None of this is real. “Mommy,” he calls again, only a little louder this time as his image moves closer in my mind. “Mommy, wake up!” He calls once more, and as the image in my mind grows clearer, his hand reaches out to touch my face. “Mommy,” he cries, and I feel a small but firm pair of hands pull on my face. My eyes snap open. It wasn’t a dream. Teddy is here, and he was pulling me back from that dark place.

The moment his eyes meet mine everything happens all at once, the oxygen in my lungs replenishes itself as I breathe him in and hold him close. I stand quickly, scooping him into my arms and holding him into my chest as he begins to cry.

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