Page 4 of A Game of Survival

At the very moment she moves towards me with what I know is an attempt to physically touch me, to deter me from my goal, the door swings open and a nurse comes rushing into the room, flapping her arms around hysterically. "Mr.Salvatore you are awake, I wondered what all this commotion was about," she chirps in an annoyingly high pitched tone “Oh goodness, you have made a mess of yourself haven’t you” she tuts, shaking her head as she switches off the alarms.

I glare at her, grinding my teeth together to bite back my retort. The nurse, who’s name badge says Rita, looks to be in her late forties, with dark hair that’s fastened into a tight bun and brown eyes that remind me of rich soil raises her perfectly shaped eyebrows at me as I pull out the last of my infusion lines, her gaze drifting to the blood trailing it’s way down arms.

"Get my brothers, Silas Salvatore and Lincoln Rossi here now or I'll be discharging myself without a single fuck about who tries to stop me." I snarl.

To my surprise Rita gives me an ‘I take no shit’ look before popping out her hip and pointing her finger towards me. "Keep your voice down, other patients are resting and quite frankly, I don’t care for you causing trouble by pulling out your infusion lines and making your demands. I'll speak with your doctor about contacting your brothers, then I'll be back to check your observations and patch up the damage you've caused. Oh and Mr Salvatore…before you attempt to remove the catheter by yourself, I recommend letting a member of staff do that one. I suggest you take a moment to collect yourself. This is a hospital, not a bar." She turns on her heel and leaves the room without waiting for a reply. I was not expecting that, It appears Rita knows how to hold herself. I look under the sheet and sure enough, there’s a tube in my cock! Fuck!

Lucille looks at me, her eyes pleading with mine as I finally give in and land my gaze in her direction. I can see the tears there threatening to spill. I know she's waiting for me to speak to her, but I can’t. I can’t find the words to make this better. I close my eyes, shame making me turn away from her, only opening them to look out at the night sky through the window. I need to wait to speak with my brothers. I cannot face her until I have atoned for my failures.

“Cole please, I need you. I need you to tell me what happened.” She begs from her space behind me, not daring to reach out to touch me again. She sounds distressed, broken even, I can hear it in the cracks of her voice, and each word she chokes out sends a crack straight through my heart. I let them take her son. The truth is I don't deserve her or the happiness she brings me if I can't protect the people I love, and I didn’t, I let them all down, it’s all on me. She's better off without a fucking failure like me in her life. I grit my teeth as I catch her reflection in the dark of the window as she shifts towards the bed, pleading for me to speak with her. Luckily just as she makes her way round beside me nurse Rita saves the day again and enters to do my observations. I watch Lucille break a little more as she silently turns away from us to let Rita do her job.

What feels like hours later, Rita finally finishes checking over my vitals, which she lets me know repeatedly that she is not happy with, but I don’t give a shit so I stay quiet while she writes down her notes. She patches me up in several places where I've ripped the skin while removing my IV lines, removes the catheter and checks the bandages still covering my gunshot wounds before leaving me alone with Lucille again, informing me before she leaves the room that the doctor will be with me shortly to give me a debrief on my surgery. The words leave me a little dazed as she says them, though I quickly come to the realization that I probably wouldn't have survived had I not needed some sort of surgical intervention.

As the door closes, the deafening silence screams between Lucille and I but I don’t give her the chance to speak first, I need to know if they managed to get Teddy in time before I passed out. “Where is Teddy?” I ask, locking my eyes onto hers. I stand from the bed in a gingerly manner, the pain coursing through my body thrums, screaming in protest at the adjustments but I shove it aside as I watch Lucille’s eyes immediately begin to water. Her breaths become shallow and her lip quivers as she tries to stop herself from falling apart. Her body language is telling me the answers I need to know but I have to hear the words to confirm my fears, I have to hear her say it. I want to push her to answer, but the door barges open with my brothers charging their way into the room, locking their eyes on me with what I can only assume is a mixture of anger and relief. Linc immediately engulfs Lucille into a tight embrace as she begins to sob silently against his chest and the sight of it makes my blood boil. Not in jealousy, but in anger. Anger at myself and what I have done and the pain I have caused her. I have to look away from them. Silas turns to face me, fully taking in the patchwork of bandages covering my body before shaking his head, grinning a wide mouthed toothy grin full of relief and pure fucking joy before pulling me into a tight hug.

"Brother, you’re a lucky bastard. You had us all scared for a moment. You lost so much blood we thought for sure you were a goner.” I shake my head ignoring his comments as I push him off me, trying not to get caught up in the moment. I need my answers.

"Did you save Teddy? Did you get to him in time?" I ask sharply, taking a step back. Silas glances over at Linc who is still holding Lucille as she snuffles quietly into his jacket.

Taking a deep breath he looks back at me. "No, the car took off the moment your body hit the ground. We’re doing everything we can to locate him.” Anger consumes me. I have already failed Lucille and Teddy, and not only that, I've been unconscious for God knows how long and my brothers still haven't found him. What the fuck have they been doing!? How could they let Ronan get away? And why the fuck are they here with me right now and not out there searching for him!?

“Have you been seen by the doctor? Are you fit to leave? We will find him Brother, we are doing everything, combing through everyone." Silas continues. But the all consuming rage and fear inside me is like a tornado swirling uncontrollably and I can feel the eruption bubbling beneath my skin before it even happens.

"What do you mean you haven't found him?! How long have I been out?" I snap, taking a step towards Silas.

"A little over three days. We’ve been searching but the Irish are good at hiding their tracks. As soon as you have been discharged, we can start from the beginning, go over everything we know, pull contacts and pull rank with whatever Information you can give us." Silas says, trying to reassure me. Little does he know, it does everything but that. I snap my eyes to Linc, immediately being hit with the memory of Ronan admitting to the murder of his mother. Fuck. I can’t divulge that. Not here and not in front of Lucille. I swallow down the hatred rising in me. Closing my eyes and taking a steadying breath, silently apologizing to my friend for keeping this from him. I know at this moment what I must do and I know they might never forgive me for it. But forgiveness isn't something I'm searching for, redemption is the only thing I crave and that's what I'll find.

I glance over to Lucille and tut loud enough so she snaps her head up to look at me. "Have you just been playing house while he's out there in the hands of the enemy?" I smirk.

“How dare you!” She shouts, pushing aside her hurt for anger. “I have been by your side for the last forty-eight hours, praying for you to wake up to help me find my son! What is wrong with you Cole!?" she exclaims, stepping out of Lincs hold. I detest the way she’s looking at me right now but this is what I need. I need her to be angry at me. To hate me the way that she should.

I laugh, "I bet you've just been letting them get between your legs. Otherwise he'd be home by now." I taunt motioning to my brother and Linc, the accusation thick on my tongue, tasting sour as I say it. Her face falls slightly but before Lucille is able to respond, a heavy force cracks into my jaw, catching me off guard, making me stumble back into the wall. I laugh as I steady myself, running my hand across the throbbing pain in my face, trying to ignore the pain radiating through my body. Here we go.

"Don't you dare fucking speak to her like that. You may be my brother but I won't hesitate to put you in your place. You will not disrespect Lucille like that,” he roars at me, nostrils flaring and eyes narrowing. I can’t help but stifle a laugh at the thought of feisty nurse Rita not being happy with all the commotion he’s now causing. “If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve already taken multiple bullets I’d put one in you my fucking self." Silas snarls, causing Lucille to let out a broken cry as she clutches onto Lincoln to keep herself upright. His stare is piercing a hole into my head. He's fucking pissed at me, I’ve seen that look too many times, but he remains in control of his emotions, probably for Lucille’s sake. Internally I'm glad that at least one of us is staying focused and not letting his emotions rule his actions.

"Why are you being so cruel, Cole? Being by your side while you were fighting for your life is the only thing that kept me from falling apart. Silas and Lincoln have been trying to find him. We have to stick together otherwise I'm not sure I'll survive this, I am his mother. How dare you say I have been for one moment thinking of anything but my boy!" she croaks, and as I take a proper look at her, I see the worry etched deep into her face. Her frame is thinner than it was just days before and her eyes are rimmed with deep circles of exhaustion.

"Cruel? Maybe I'm showing you my true self. Did you think of that? Come on Luci, don't be so naive to think that I ever wanted anything more than your tight snatch. Just ask my brothers here, no woman has ever kept my attention for longer than a week, so why would you be any different?" I taunt her. I have never hated myself so much for the lies I'm spewing, it’s almost making me want to vomit as I speak to see how much my words hurt her, but it needs to happen. She needs to hate me. "Plus, you have these two lap dogs to entertain you, you don't need me.” I add, gesturing towards Linc and Silas once more. “Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get out of this place, I'm feeling a little blood thirsty and I think my brothers would hate for you to see what it is I really crave." I say with a smirk.

Lucille shakes her head, no longer trying to hold back the tears that stream down her face. "Well more fool me for loving you. Why don't you get some rest, maybe that's what you need. Then you'll see clearly."Fuck, I love you too, Lucille.I know she's trying to rationalize my abrupt turn in personality but that's not going to work. This is me, I'm dark, twisted and unlovable. I'm a murderer, I'm not good for her.

"Don't worry little mouse, I’m sure you have enough cock to satisfy you without adding mine into the equation." I smile at her, despising the fictitious statements I'm sprouting.

“You fucking son of a bitch.” Linc growls deeply as both him and Silas move towards me in unison, no doubt to put me in my place at that last remark. I smirk at them, throwing my arms out to welcome whatever it is they have to give. Pain is my pleasure, and I welcome their violence. But Lucille stops them short. "No. If that is how he feels, let him go. He'll come back to us. He won't leave us to find Teddy without him." Even now she's trying to see the good in me, to paint me to be a saint when all I do is sin. It's no use, there’s no saving me now.

"Well boys, I'll leave you to it.” I walk past the three of them towards the open door before I hesitate at the final blow I'm about to deliver. “I hope you find your boy, dead or alive." I add looking Lucille dead in the eyes, silently begging for her to forgive me for this, before I leave them all behind me.

I've just ensured she will never be mine again, the nail in the coffin so to speak. She’ll never forgive me for what I just said, and so help me God, I pray that she never does because that woman will bring me to my knees. I hear a gut wrenching wail from Lucille as I stand on the outside of the room, fighting against everything in me that's telling me to go back and hold her, comfort her and tell her I’m sorry. But I close my eyes and push forward, without bothering to discharge myself. As I exit the hospital, I make my way to the only place that I can exercise my demons. I'm already going to hell, so why not go dance with the devil?

Chapter 4

Silas

I can’t deny that watching my brother storm out of the hospital room like a raging tornado, destroying anything in its path, has me worried, because what I feel right now is way beyond that. I hear a high pitched shriek a little further down the corridor where Enzo just departed and a loud crash of what I can only assume is some sort of equipment a few minutes later. I know I’ll have to make amends and pay for the damages. I won’t have his pride tarnish my name. I know my brother, he doesn't give up on those that he loves but he also doesn't believe himself worthy of receiving love, and now I'm standing in the wreckage that he’s left behind, torn between chasing after him and smacking the ever-living shit out of him for the way he just spoke to Lucille, bullet wounds or not, and never leaving her side again. Her broken cries are what make the decision for me, and I subconsciously move forwards to encompass her against my chest as she completely comes apart between Linc and I. We lock eyes, with our arms wrapped tight around Lucille's body, and an affirmative decision is passed silently between us. We agree that Cole won’t get away with the hurt he’s caused her.

This anger I’m feeling right now, towards my own flesh and blood isn’t something new, though my baby brother has never been the target of that anger before. I've always been so protective of him, tried my hardest to keep him away from the depth of darkness our father possessed, and especially after the incident. It's instinct for me to want to chase him but I know It's not what he needs right now, and from the minute he walked out of that door, he is no longer my priority. Hearing Lucille’s gut wrenching cries between us only fuels that anger inside of me, but she is my main concern now and I focus on doing everything I can to remain calm, reminding myself to take deep breaths, to stay focused and control my emotions. For her. I nod to Linc as his eyes cast over mine once more, noticing that he too is battling with his own urges and trying not to let his guard slip. He may be able to keep it up in front of her, but I know he too is as fucked off as I am at the shit that just went down, I can see it burning in the darkness of his eyes. But we won’t confess it here, not now, not in front of la mia luce. I lock my jaw, the sheer pressure of tension flowing through my body is sure to crack my teeth if I’m not careful.

I slowly move myself in front of Lucille and bring my hands up under her chin, lifting her deep emerald gaze to mine, her swollen, tear stained face ripping at my heart already seizing in my chest. I swipe my thumbs across the tears streaking her porcelain cheeks and gently place a kiss onto her reddened lips. The pain through her once bright eyes bores deep into my soul as I pull back to take in her reaction and I swear, for just a second, that it was me who was shot, not my brother, as her broken spirit dares to split me in two. I blink back at the intrusional thoughts, and think carefully about my next words. Where do I even begin to try and explain my brother's actions? She’ll never understand, hell I will never understand, I was never in that basement. I never experienced the shit he was subjected to, I could barely fucking look at him for fear of what I might do when the anger inside of me erupted. When we found him, I was so angry at what they’d done to him, but more so at myself for not finding him sooner, I have never fully forgiven myself. It fucked him up and he’s never been the same since. I swallow deeply, shoving down the memories as far as they’ll go, and hope that what I’m about to say, goes some way to soothing the damage Cole has done.

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