Page 44 of A Game of Survival

“They’re having a sleepover in Alesso’s room. Don’t worry. They’re safe,” he replies, kissing my hair.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” I yawn, but I don’t catch an answer before the exhaustion has already pulled me under.

I wake early the next morning entangled in their bodies, feeling blissful and content. But the longer I lay there enjoying the warmth and heaviness of their bodies as they each lay a protective arm or leg over my own, I realize how much I miss Cole. The missing part of our family. I believe Linc when he says he hasn't betrayed us but I can’t help feeling so angry at him for leaving when I needed him the most. Out of all of them, I thought he’d be the one to understand considering what he went through as a child. But all he did was shut me out and tear me down. I suddenly feel extremely overwhelmed and stifled with a desperate need to get out of this bed and this house, and I know just the person to do it with.

The plan I had to remove myself with the stealth of a ninja didn’t work and I’m pretty sure they had both been awake long before I was anyway, but had simply stayed put in case either of them woke me.

“What are you doing, la mia luce?” Silas quips, raising his eyebrow as I carefully try to climb over his body.

“You two are stifling me. It’s hard to breathe with so much body heat in the bed.” I sigh, to which Silas simply laughs.

“Well why didn’t you just say so?” he asks playfully before tipping his hips and knocking me to the floor.

I squeal as I hit the carpet with my legs still on the bed but Silas rolls back laughing. “Silas, you ass!” I curse loudly, hoisting myself to my feet to see Linc trying to conceal his sniggers behind his hand from the opposite side of the bed. “You bunch of morons,” I snap, stomping my foot like a petulant child before grabbing my clothes and locking myself in the ensuite.

“Oh baby don’t be like that,” I hear Silas call from the opposite side of the door.

“You just look so cute when you’re angry,” Linc adds, fueling my fire and the overwhelming need to have some fresh air. I can’t keep up with their constant mood changes. I thought women were bad but this is something else. I go from avoidance to a fucking spitroast and its confusing and exhausting to figure out what’s going on.

“I expect my breakfast and a strong coffee to be ready for me once I’m out of the shower.” I call, switching the water on before I hear a response. It’s the least they could do for literally pushing me out of the bed. It doesn’t escape me that my hunger is back with vengeance.

I leave the en-suite to find a steaming mug of coffee on the dresser and can't help but smile to myself when I bring it to my lips. I towel dry my hair before pulling it into a scrunchie and quickly dress in my go to casual wear, skinnies, an oversized t-shirt with a flannel over the top and pull on my Converse for comfort. I grab my phone from the dresser and dial Kat. Hopefully Silas and Linc won’t be too mad that I’m not waiting for their permission to leave to see my friend. She’s been pestering me to see Teddy for days and I'm close to suffocating on testosterone here so I dial her number before I have time to chicken out.

Kat picks up on the second ring. “Well it’s taken you long enough to call me!” she whisper-shouts down the phone making me laugh.

“What the hell are you whispering for?” I automatically whisper back.

Her voice is clearer now but still more quiet than usual. “I’m at work. Some of us still have to come to work, you know. Everybody here has been asking for you. Nosey bitches trying to get some gossip out of me because you left so suddenly. As far as anybody knows, you’re on vacation seeing a sick relative,” she replies, instantly making me feel a twinge of guilt that she’s been having to lie for me for so long and still continues to do so, no questions asked. “And why areyouwhispering?” she adds.

I laugh again and shake my head. “I’m not, you idiot. Now what time do you get off? I have somebody who wants to see you and I need to get out of this stifling fucking atmosphere.” I grin smugly on my end of the phone.

“Don’t tell me, too many dicks is too many?” Kat groans, feigning sympathy before breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Christ, you’re insufferable,” I scoff, rolling my eyes and taking another sip of coffee.

“You wouldn’t have me any other way, babe. I’m off at lunch. Shall we take the kids to Oxford Park? Bella has been asking for Teddy nonstop the last couple days. I can pick her up early from Kindy and meet you there?”

I skip excitedly on the spot feeling a rush of happy anticipation bubbling in my belly. “OK babe. See you there.”

I practically skip to the kitchen feeling lighter already from a few small sentences with my best friend. I wonder if I could push it for a sleepover at Kat’s tonight, too. I’ll say it’s for the kids to spend more time together, not that I need it more than them. Maybe if I bat my eyelashes fast enough? I giggle to myself at the thought as I round the corner where I find Silas, Linc and Max all sitting around the breakfast bar with their heads together having their hushed conversations while Teddy and Alesso sit at the dining table tucking into a buffet of fruit, pancakes and small breakfast muffins. I slip in quietly, heading straight over to the boys, stealing an untouched muffin from Teddy’s plate.

“Heyyyy, that was mine,” he whines before looking up at the thief. “Mommmmm,” he pushes me playfully as I take a bite, licking my lips and plonking myself down into the chair opposite.

“Mmm, that was delicious,” I grin, playfully smacking my lips together making them both burst into a fit of giggles.

“Finish your breakfast Alesso, then get ready for school. I’ll be dropping you this morning.” Linc calls from the breakfast bar. I snap my head over to him, his hard eyes a stark difference from our moments together last night. I break the gaze and give a reassuring smile to Alesso who shovels in a few more mouthfuls of fruit before hopping from his chair and going to his bedroom to get ready to leave.

I watch Teddy who has since picked up a fresh muffin and taken the first bite, turning and grinning at me with food between his teeth. “You’re right, it is delicious,” he grins, spitting a little onto the table.

I shake my head, trying not to laugh at his childishness. “Teddy, it’s rude to speak with food in your mouth.” I lightly scold, trying to stifle my giggle behind my hand. “How do you feel about taking a trip to the park today?” I ask. Seeing the way his eyes immediately light up, I already know the answer is going to be a yes, and the immediate guilt I have for keeping him inside the house since he’s been back washes over me like a tidal wave. He hasn’t once asked to leave, but mom guilt is an undeniable, inevitable thing that I cannot escape.

“You’re leaving the house?” Linc asks, pulling me from my own internal chastising, making me jump.

I stutter my words slightly, momentarily slipping back into that dark space that Vinny held me captive in for so many years. I’m unable to look Linc directly in the eye as I respond. “Uh, umm, yes. I’m taking Teddy to the park for some fresh air.”

I hear the scraping of multiple bar stools before a firm hand grips my chin and Silas’ voice cuts through my mental barricade. “Lucille, look at me,” he instructs and I do as I'm told, snapping my eyes to his. “What’s going on?” he asks, narrowing his eyes, trying to examine me from the inside out.

I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t think he would understand it even if I did. How can I tell him that for so long I was never allowed to leave without granted permission on where, who with and what clothes I wore with a time limit on when I would return. Sometimes I feel myself slip back into those bottomless pits of darkness and it's remarkably difficult to dig myself back out of it.

---