Page 9 of A Game of Survival

Chapter 8

Lucille

I sleep for the majority of the following day, prising my eyes open when it's already way past noon. My body feels tense, my limbs somewhat exhausted. One look around the room reminds me why, but I don’t feel guilty about it. If Silas didn’t want me to destroy his furniture then he shouldn't have locked me in his room. Asshole. I sit up slowly, fighting the little swirl of disappointment I have creeping in that they’ve left me on my own. If there’s any danger to me right now, it’s going to be from myself. They may be able to save me from physical danger, but the damage that's happening inside my own head will be irreparable. Vivid flashbacks of Teddy running from Vinny in the warehouse force me to shut my eyes, shaking away the horrid intrusion.

A sudden wave of nausea rolls over me and I almost don’t make it to the ensuite in time to shove my head over the toilet before I puke. The acid burns its way up my throat as I fall to my knees, trying to control my breathing while holding onto either side of the toilet bowl. I feel a little better after dry heaving a few more times but the knowledge that I can’t remember the last time I ate anything isn’t lost on me as my stomach growls loudly to remind me of the fact. I turn towards the sink to get some water and catch sight of my reflection. “Fuck!” I whisper, taken back by the stranger staring back at me. I stand shocked as I take in the black circles under my eyes, the greasy hair scraped back from my face and the sickly pale tone of my skin that highlights the bruises that are still yet to fade. I shake my head, enough is enough. I quickly strip before standing under a scalding hot shower, relishing in the sting it leaves across my body until the water begins to run cold.

I hop from the shower and after running the towel briefly over my hair, I manage to find a clean pair of Silas’s sweatpants with drawstring that I can pull tight enough to fit me without the risk of them falling down. I pull on a clean t-shirt out of his wardrobe and, feeling much fresher than I did before, I decide to try my luck, skeptically twisting the door handle. To my surprise, it opens immediately so I quickly make my way down to the kitchen, hoping to find either Silas or Linc so that I can find out what the next steps are in relation to finding Teddy, but as I enter the kitchen I freeze at the large figure sat with his back to me at the breakfast bar. My knees begin to buckle and my head swims as graphic and terrifying images of Vinny looming above me penetrate my vision so vividly that I have to lean against the doorframe to keep myself upright. This is not something I can just shake off. It’s as if I’m no longer in control of my own body. My mind is reeling with images, like an old style movie playing in black and white, flicking through the scene, dissecting each and every move he makes over and over again. Only, it’s not black and white, the only color I see is red. Blood red. My blood.

I feel a hand settle on my shoulder and the minuscule hold I feel like I have on the situation snaps.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” I scream, sliding down to the floor and covering my head with my arms to protect myself.

“Shit, Miss Holland, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you… I just… Are you OK?” The voice asks as I will myself to believe that I’m safe. Vinny is dead. I saw it happen with my own eyes. “I’ll ring Silas,” the voice says, causing my stomach to lurch.

“Please don’t,” I whisper, with my head still under my arms.

“Sorry Miss, he told me to ring when you were awake,” he replies, his tone gentle and calm.

“I said, don’t!” I bite back, raising my head this time.

It takes me a moment to realize that the man is no stranger at all, it’s Enzo, Cole’s lapdog he stuck on me not long ago when Vinny first reared his ugly head. I almost feel bad for snapping at him, but then I remember the hurtful words that Cole spat at me in the hospital. I stand up slowly, the lack of food and sudden flashbacks making me sway a little as I straighten myself. “I would appreciate it if this,” I wave my hands towards the spot on the floor where I was just sitting, “stays between us, Enzo. I’m sorry I overreacted. As you can imagine I’m a little on edge. Where is Silas anyway?” I ask, willing him to put his phone back into his pocket as I try to act more put together than I’m feeling.

“He’s with Linc, Miss Holland.”

“Please stop calling me Miss Holland,” I interrupt. Enzo looks at me curiously then clears his throat and begins again.

“He’s with Lincoln. They had a bit of business they needed to attend to and asked if I would stay with you for the day to escort you back to your house to collect your things when you are ready.” He looks away momentarily and I know there’s something he’s not telling me.

“What is it?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

“What is what, Miss Hol– I mean Lucille?”

“I’m not fucking stupid, Enzo. There’s something you’re not telling me and I want to know what it is.”

“I’m sorry, Lucille. It’s not my place to discuss business.”

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT, ENZO. IF THIS IS ABOUT MY SON, I DESERVE TO KNOW!” I half shout, half scream at him, my voice cracking slightly at the end as I point a finger into his face. “Please, Enzo, I just need to know if they’ve found him. I can’t live like this, not knowing where he is, or if he’s … hurt.” I choke out the last word in barely a whisper as tears begin to burn at the back of my eyes. A long silence passes between us and with every second that goes by my heart shatters all over again. I move towards the breakfast bar to prop myself up, scared that my legs will give way beneath me again.

“They haven’t found him yet, but they will Lucille. They won’t stop until they’ve found him,” he says in the same calm and gentle tone he used before, only this time it doesn’t make me feel any better. I suck in a deep breath and wipe the tears from my eyes nodding my head. I know they’ll find him. They have to find him. I close my eyes for a while, mentally preparing myself for what must happen next.

I decided to forgo food, the thought of eating making me feel more sick than the obvious hunger was. I don’t think I would be able to stomach anything right now and Enzo didn’t question it while I poured myself a glass of juice, gulping it down quickly before slipping my feet into the Converse I wore back from the hospital yesterday.

“I’m ready to go now, Enzo. Take me home, please.” I say with pure conviction, squaring my shoulders to show how ready I am to face it. He narrows his eyes slightly but I don’t miss the small movement. I wonder whether he is questioning himself as to whether or not I should be eating, but I ignore him and make my way to the front door.

Before we leave the house, Enzo makes a call to let Silas know we will be leaving. Apparently he wanted to speak to me too but I declined the offer when Enzo held out the phone to me. No way was I speaking to him yet, I was still pissed at him and he deserved to suffer. We had to wait for Dario to arrive, the man I met outside of Silas’s stripclub, before we could leave. As if one huge hunk of a gun-wielding bodyguard wasn’t enough, Silas thought I needed two to escort me back home and pick up some clean underwear. If he really was so worried, he should be here with me himself. They all should. The thought lighting that spark of fury inside of me once more, and I make sure to let both Enzo and Dario know how pissed off I am that they’re having to babysit.

During the drive I stay quiet, trying desperately to listen in on what Enzo and Dario are talking about, to see if I can get any news on what is happening in their search for Teddy, but once they realize I’m eavesdropping, they began to speak in Italian, so I sit back, close my eyes and take myself back to the time that Teddy and I went to the beach for the day with Katrina and Isabella. Christ. I must speak with Kat. I bet she’s worried sick. The memories of that day fill my heart with so much love it physically hurts to think about it any longer, and so as I sit in the back of the car, I make a promise to myself that when we get Teddy back, I will take him to that same beach and relive the memory.

We pull up through the gates of my apartment complex and onto my drive and with a shaky hand and even shakier legs, I manage to get out of the car and slowly, step by step, I make my way over to my front door. I freeze as I reach out for the door knob. “I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper, hanging my head in defeat. I don’t want to have to do this alone, even though I’m not truly alone, but Enzo and Dario are not who I want here with me to face this. My grip on the door handle tightens and a burst of anger at the fact that all three of the men who swore to me that they loved me have left me to deal with this by myself. Well fuck them all. I unlock the door and step inside. Both Enzo and Dario step behind me before I spin around and block their path with my hand. “I need to do this on my own.” I snap, looking from one to the other, though doing it on my own is the last thing I really want. I needed support with this and none of the men I want it from are here with me. They give each other a quick glance, no doubt contemplating if Silas will have their heads for letting me go in alone, or not listening to what I say. Either way, right now, I don’t care and so before they can object I slam the door in their faces and walk into my open plan living space.

As soon as I’m alone, it hits me. The coldness that spreads throughout my body is something I’ve never experienced before. Like I’ve been plunged into a frozen lake with no way out and no air. The room begins to spin around me and my vision darkens at the edges. I lean against my couch, grabbing the back cushion hard enough for my knuckles to bleed white. I shake my head, willing the pain in my chest to subside, I just have to get a few things and then I can leave. I repeat my mission like a mantra, keeping my mind busy to distract myself from the onslaught of another panic attack. Taking a few deep breaths until my vision corrects itself and I can see again. I try to itemize what I need and where it is so I can grab it faster and get the hell out. I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to. It’s too much. I knew it would be difficult but this pain, it’s suffocating. I can’t breathe. I can’t concentrate.

I make my way on trembling legs towards my bedroom and grab my overnight bag from beneath my bed to start packing a few essentials. As I open my wardrobe a low thud from the direction of Teddy’s room makes me jump, a sharp gasp escaping my throat. I freeze, my heart thumping hard against my chest. Did I imagine that? Another small thud confirms that I didn’t. There’s somebody in here with me. Without even thinking about it, I reach to the top shelf of my wardrobe and slide my hand between the pile of blankets, releasing my breath as my hand connects with the cold metal of the gun Max gave me when I first left Vinny. I hold the gun firmly in my hand, getting myself familiarized with it again after all these years and making sure the safety’s off, just as he taught me if I ever needed to use it. The rational part of my brain is telling me to shout for help and get the fuck out as quickly as possible but my legs are already walking towards the bedroom door. If there is somebody in here that is responsible for taking my son, I’m going to face them and then kill them myself.

I push the door open with a surprisingly steady hand and aim the gun into the room, pointing it towards the figure on the edge of the bed. “Don’t fucking move!” I warn as I step past the bedroom door. When I move further forward my whole body freezes at who I see. “Max!?” I choke as I take in the sight of him. He’s covered in blood, some fresh, some old and dried into his clothes and skin, his arms and face are badly beaten and as he attempts to stand himself I notice how he favors his right side, cradling his left arm across his waist.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he says, barely holding up his own weight.

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