Page 19 of The Cabin

She became brutal about getting pregnant. Insistent that this would solve all of the problems I claimed there were. That we would be a ‘proper’ family and everything would be perfect. I was, obviously, very against this idea. I refused. And she hated me for it.” Grayson’s shoulders tense up. His eyes have long glazed over, lost in his story. I haven’t moved, stuck frozen in the doorway of the bathroom. I’m waiting for the hammer to drop, pun unintended. I wish he would spit it out already, tell me what he did so I can justifiably run out of here and never look back. Then I’d never have to admit anything to Natalie and I could get the hell away from here. I’ll walk a million miles if I have to. I’ll sleep in the woods.

“That doesn’t make you a villain, Grayson. You’re allowed to not want kids.” Please, just tell me what you did.

Another dejected sigh. “Eventually, refusing became almost impossible. Natalie is very strong-willed. When she wants something, she gets it. And she wanted me. Or, at least what I could give her. She would corner me, scream at me, guilt trip me, manipulate, hit, kick, slam, shove, you name it. She wouldn’t stop until I gave in. And eventually I did give in. I couldn’t stand the screaming and crying. So, I’d give her what she wanted, making it last as little time as possible, which was really fucking difficult considering I didn’t want to being doing it in the first place.” My stomach turns sour. I shouldn’t have pushed. I should’ve let him be black out drunk for this. I shouldn’t have made him share this at all. What is wrong with me?

“Grayson you don’t have to …” He just shakes his head. All I can hope is that this was as cathartic for him as it had been for me to tell him my story. He’s just kneeling there on the floor while I stare down at him. We both don’t move.

“I was letting her control me, but I’d be damned if I let her ruin a child’s life. She had stopped taking her birth control, but I kept refilling the prescription. I’d crush it up into her drinks behind her back. I didn’t measure, I didn’t even know if it would work crushed up, but I had to do something. Anything. I know that’s horrible, I know it’s a total invasion of her body autonomy. I know I’m a piece of shit. I just didn’t know what to fucking do! Her dad was down my neck at work, her brother was super protective, I couldn’t get a vasectomy, I tried, but they were going to bill the company and Hugh would’ve found out. I didn’t see a way out where I didn’t lose everything.” I feel a tear slip down my cheek and I wipe it away as quickly as possible. His story deserves tears. But I know what it’s like to feel pitied.

I let my body slide down the wall, pulling my knees into myself once my butt hits the floor.

“We definitely have to get black out drunk now.”

Chapter 8

My shoes stick to the floor of the bar, adhering to years and years of spilled drinks, and an equal amount of years spent not mopping them. The twang of country music playing invites the patrons to the dance floor, regardless of the fact that we’re in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, and not in the south. (What is with my life becoming one big country ho down?)

Everyone is having fun, though. People of all ages, from all walks of life. Heads thrown back in laughter or joy. I’ve been leaning against a high-top nursing my beer just people watching. Statistically speaking, there’s gotta be people who have gone through divorce on that dance floor. And they’re doing just fine!

I knock back the last of my beer. It’s warm and disgusting. Best chase that with something fun!

I head over to the bar where Grayson has already been surrounded by essentially every human that is attracted to men in this place. There’s a part of my brain that twitches at that fact, but I shove it away. No time for ridiculous thoughts aboutmen. Tonight is about women! And by 'women' I mean woman, singular, as in…me.

Miraculously, I catch the bartender’s attention and order two shots. I take them one after the other, wincing, maybe even gagging a little, and slamming the glasses back down on the bar top, happy to get them out of my sight as quickly as possible.

Okay, deep breath, Sol. You can do this. This is a fun, normal, happy thing.

Squaring my shoulders, I take about two steps towards the dance floor before I immediately retreat and frantically wave the bartender back down. I’m gonna have to be way more drunk to pull this off. In the name of healing, down go two more shots.

—

The room is spinning, lights flashing, and I think I am scream-singingBefore He Cheatsby Carrie Underwood. My arms fly into the air and I shove my fists towards the ceiling, swaying my hips in any direction they want to go.

“CAUSE THE NEXT TIME THAT HE CHEEEEEATS,” I hold the note of the last word until I’m literally gasping for air, “OH YOU KNOW IT WON’T BE ON ME!” There’s a self-satisfied smile on my lips as I make my way back to my little high top, happily grabbing for my mixed drink.

“Woah there, I’m just gonna take this…” My beautiful, incredible mixed drink disappears from my hands. “And replace it with this.” Sparkly green eyes meet mine as Grayson puts a glass of clear liquid in my grasp and I start chugging.

“Oh, ew! This is water. What happened to my booze?” I move to search my pants pockets, making sure I didn’t leave it in one of them.

“Having fun, huh?” I’m momentarily distracted from my search by the gleaming of Grayson’s teeth as he smiles at me.

“Well Iwas,” I puff, smushing my hands over my face to bat the hair away that has stuck to my cheeks.

I notice a pretty brunette woman staring in our direction from the bar. She’s trying to catch Grayson’s attention, making very obvious suggestions with her eyes. I wonder what I can make my eyes say. How about, “Brian, you suck!” I snort a little as I giggle.

“What’s so funny?” The way he’s looking at me makes me wanna do crazy, wild, stupid things.

“Oh, just laughing at all your girlfriends in here. You’ve got a brunette over there very upset you’ve left her by the bar.” I make a pouty face as if to say, ‘Wah, wah, whittle baby.’

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He’s still smiling, and it’s very annoying. Or hot. Or both.

“Yeah, okay, I was being dramatic, it’s a hyperbole or something. I have a master's degree. I know what hyperbole is! Anyway, you should go back, she clearly wants to get to know you. If you know what I mean.” I try to send him my meaning with my new-found eye communication skills.

He just kinda stares at me, face neutral. “She doesn’t wanna get to know me.”

“Oh, Jesus, Grayson! Of course she does! Every goddamn person in this place does. You’ve got them hypnotized with your hotness!”

His eyebrow quirks. “You think I’m hot?” Shit? Meet grin.

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