Page 170 of Lawless

I may not know who she is. But the sound of another woman’s name rolling off his tongue makes my stomach knot.

It’s wrong. I’m married. In love with another man. Yet him just saying a name causes a wave of jealousy so strong to hit me that I’ve no idea how I remain still.

“I assume you don’t know her?” he asks, finally dragging his eyes open and turning to look at me.

His eyes bounce between mine as he reads whatever is he can see in my blue depths. Thankfully, whatever is there doesn’t scare him off.

Shaking my head, I mouth, ‘no.’

He nods, accepting my words.

“She was a girl I met at a group home I attended. She was… fuck.” He gasps, dragging his hand down his face. “She was a fucking whirlwind.

“From the first moment I saw her looking like she’d been dragged into the building by her ankles, I was gone for her.

“She was feisty and honest and blunt. Fuck me, was she blunt. There was never a doubt about how she felt about something. She didn’t like you; she’d step right up to your face and tell you.

“I was in awe of her. She took life by the balls and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought.”

“Reid and Knox aside, she was the best person I had ever met in my life. She was everything I was missing and about a million more things I had no idea I needed.”

“She had issues. I knew that, and I wasn’t afraid of them because every day she fought against the shit hand life had dealt her. She wanted better, more. She wanted to take that shit hand and shove it up everyone’s ass.”

He chuckles. “We got in so much trouble together,” he confesses.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me,” I whisper with a smile, liking this girl despite my initial reaction.

“I fell so fucking hard for her. We did everything together. Every-fucking-thing. She was my first. My everything. Until…”

My entire body locks up as his words trail off.

I knew what was coming the second he put her in the past tense. That and the little information Reid gave me and I knew this has a very, very painful ending.

“Things got bad. To this day, I don’t know what triggered it. But she started to lose control.”

“She was always wild and out of control, but she was never reckless. Careless.”

“Until one day she took it too far.” He sucks in a shaky breath and I can’t get up and crawl into his lap fast enough.

“She left me behind,” he confesses quietly. “I loved her so fucking much and she left me. I wanted to go with her. I wanted it so badly and I—”

“Shush, it’s okay.” I soothe when he starts to lose it. “I’ve got you.”

“I tried, Dove. I took the knife that Reid had given me for my birthday and I took it to my wrist, praying that it would take me to her.”

I cling onto his shoulders, holding him tighter than I ever have before, as our tears—our pain—collide and meld together as one.

“The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital with Reid sitting right by my side and this massive fucking black hole in my heart.”

“When you left, Dove, I—”

Pulling my face from his, I take his cheeks in my hands and wipe his tears away with my thumbs.

“She sounds incredible,” I say honestly.

He nods, his jaw popping against my palms as he swallows.

“I won’t leave you, Julian,” I promise him. “If I disappear, I promise you that I will come back. I will always come back to you.”

---