Page 27 of Dirty Secret Love

To say he’s not my type is not a lie, it’s just not the whole truth. There’s something about River that calls to me.

Do I secretly relish the moments when he strolls in the library, browsing through the books before settling down for a quiet read? Guilty as charged. At times, I find myself irked when his older brother disrupts what I’ve silently cherished as our quiet time.

I don’t dislike Bach. It’s pleasant to discuss philosophy with him, but he’s . . . too much like me to want to hang out with him all the time. Okay, that makes me sound like I have a crush on River, which is not true at all.

Yes, River is undeniably magnetic, an invigorating breath of fresh air in my static world. Not who I would choose as my partner, but maybe someone I could have fun with if we were both willing and available. Yet, deep down, a nagging voice whispers, reminding me of our differences. I would only become another chapter, perhaps, in his epic saga.

He’s leaving and I’m just . . . who am I? I am so many things, and I hide them so well because I don’t want to continue being the black sheep of the family. Maybe I should just leave Colorado and forget about the Asher family. I know my friends would visit me wherever I move, but can I be away from them?

I shake my head, clearing away the dizzying thoughts. There’s no need to think about my family also, I have to set some ground rules in our agreement, boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. Rule number one? No falling head over heels. A smart rule, especially when I’m catching myself gazing at my so-called fiancé, not just as a handsome distraction but as the epitome of everything I secretly yearn for.

Why can’t I have a guy like him, just . . . someone who’ll fit with me, not River his last name needs to be?

ChapterFourteen

River

Fuck,what am I thinking.

That I want to forget just for one second that my life is a fucking clusterfuck, and that someone somewhere is slowly trying to erase River Thorndale—literally.

Finding out how we’re losing some buildings and CQS has been trying to save our businesses had me so fucked up that without a second thought. I found myself drawn to Sutton, our lips meeting in a heated embrace. The passion was undeniable. All I wanted was her body, to lose myself inside her.

I just wanted her to numb the pain. I was hoping she would make me feel better for at least a moment.

Drawing back, I pant, my thoughts racing.

“I’m sorry,” I manage, hating that I regret this moment when honestly I think if we had taken the next step it would’ve been just perfect.

But that’s not how this should be, not when I barely know her and she’s . . . well, a virgin. What the fuck am I thinking?

Her eyes search mine, clouded with confusion. “Why did you stop?” She sounds more wounded than irritated, as if I’ve taken away something she didn’t even know she wanted.

The gravity of our situation dawns on me, and I fumble for words. “We can’t . . . I mean. You’re . . .” How do I even approach this without sounding conceited? “I don’t want your first time to be?—”

Her frown is so cute, I want to kiss her forehead, nose, and kiss her again. I refrain from doing anything. In fact, I should call this off and . . . I can’t because we have to make this believable. There’s no way I’m leaving her to deal with her family. If all of them are like her mother, I have to protect her.

As I’m trying to figure out how to keep my hands and my dick away from Sutton, she interrupts me by asking, “My first what?” with disbelief and indignation seared in her voice.

Oh boy, I have to discuss this with her? I don’t know if it’s appropriate or how to approach it. Clearing my voice, I say, “First time.” I pause and then continue cautiously. “I’ve never been with a virgin, and I think that’s something you save for a special occasion. Someone you love. Not . . . well, me.”

To my astonishment, she breaks into laughter. A rich, warm, delicious laughter fills the room and the hollowness in my chest. I’m not saying she’s calming me, but I feel less anxious, but still very, very horny.

Fuck, this woman is way too sexy. My thoughts divert to the things I can do to her and with her. Those lips wrapped around my cock would be extremely delicious. I wouldn’t mind if she sits on my face while I eat her. My mind is already bending her over and fucking her hard when I realize she’s laughing at my expense.

Suddenly, I remember what she told me earlier. Sutton only lies to her parents. “You’re not a virgin. Are you?”

She shakes her head. “You really believed that?”

My brow creases, thinking back to that awkward moment. “Of course. You seemed so . . . defensive when your mother mentioned it.”

She rolls her eyes, chuckling. “Having your mom discuss your virginity, real or not, is just mortifying. But no, I’m not.”

“But you’re not?” I echo her words with a little disbelief. “As in, you’ve had sex before?” I tread carefully, not wanting to misstep.

“Lost it my senior year of high school. Dylan . . . What was his last name? Anyway, he was my lab partner. We just . . . we wanted to lose our virginity before we went to college.”

I raise an eyebrow, genuinely surprised. “Wow, I would’ve expected something a lot more romantic coming from you,” I state since she seems like the kind of girl who wants the romcom treatment and all that mushy shit.

---