Page 70 of Lost Boy

“I don’t know about all of that,” my voice croaks.

“It takes a lot of strength to stand up to a drug addict and offer them help.” His eyes shift between mine as his eyebrows pull together. “You could have just walked away from me or turned a blind eye. It would have been easier.” His voice breaks as he gets choked up. “You saved me. And now … you’re giving me a whole new reason to live.”

I put my hand on top of his on my growing belly. “You gave me a reason too,” I whisper.

After a few minutes, when he steps back, my body grows cold. And I miss him already even though he’s just a few measly feet away from me. I’d give anything to be wrapped up in his arms again.

After an emotional good-bye, I’m in the passenger side of Hunter’s truck as he drives down the long driveway, away from the rehab. But when I look out my window to see Cade running next to the car.

“What the hell?” Hunter mumbles when he sees him before coming to a stop.

I roll my window down. “What are you doing? What’s wrong?”

He gives my brother a little smirk. “Don’t worry, Thompson; I’m not trying to fly the coop or anything.” He looks at me. “Can you just get out for one second?”

His chest heaves as he catches his breath, and puffs of smoke come from our lips from the chilly air.

Without question, I climb out of the car and look up at him. “Yeah?”

“In our letters, I wrote about how it’s frowned upon to date right out of rehab. And that Buck and Kobra both suggested waiting a year.” He kicks at the dirt driveway. “Just to, you know … work on myself and all that.”

“I know,” my voice barely chirps. I’m embarrassed at the possibility that he thinks I’m here to go against those rules. “I wasn’t—”

“Shh, I know. I know you weren’t,” he says, swallowing. “A part of me wants to say fuck the rules that say I can’t be with you now. Because deep down, I know that if anything, you’d keep me in line.”

I hold on to his every word, having no idea what else is coming.

“I’d love to say I’ll beat the odds of relapsing and we can ride off into the sunset together, living a fairy tale like the ones you read about in those porno books.” He gives me a small smile before he cups my cheek, tears gathering in his eyes. “But the truth is, I don’t trust myself. Not yet anyway. And I want to do it right this time, Haley. I want to dousright.” He inhales, kissing my forehead. “For you. And for our baby. You both deserve someone you can count on.”

“I understand,” I rasp. “I want you to heal. More than anything, I want that for you, Cade.”

“I know you do. And I’m not asking you to wait for me. I know I’ve put you through enough already, and I can’t demand something like that.” Dipping his head down, he presses his forehead to mine as his hand slides up the back of my head. “But just know that the day I’m one year sober, I’m coming for you. And I almost feel bad for any sad son of a bitch you might be dating by then because I’m not giving you a chance to say no. I’ll be better, Haley. I’ll be stronger.” He swallows, his voice growing hoarse. “I’ll be the man you both need.”

I throw my arms around him, burying my face in his sweatshirt and squeezing my eyes shut, wishing I could freeze time. “I believe you,” I whisper, my heart pounding in my ears.

We stand there, my body leaning against his, as we both openly cry.

“And I will wait. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

And I mean it. Because I believe in him. But more than that … I believe in us.

24

Cade

Ifinish reading Haley’s letter and fold it up neatly. Pulling the top drawer of my desk open, I tuck it inside with the others. Treasures—that’s what they are. Items I will forever keep safe because they truly are sacred to me.

Every word she jotted down is something she wrote just for me. She’s taken time from her days to write to me while I’ve been here. I can’t imagine why she would, but she has.

I take out a sheet of blank paper, already anticipating what I’m going to write to her before I even have a pen in my hand. I’ve never even been the type of guy to take a chick on a proper date. Yet here I am, writing fucking letters like that handsome fucker inDear John.Which I only know about because my mother loves her some sappy shit like that. And I’ll admit, I’ve been known to like a good tearjerker from time to time.

One week. That’s how long until I join the real world. A place that has repeatedly proven to be too much for me to travel through sober. In here, it’s easy. Everything I do is regulated.There isn’t any downtime for my demons to catch me, and the things that keep me up at night, well, they somehow seem farther away.

I’m nervous to leave, but not nearly as anxious as I was before I found out I was going to be a father. And not just any father … one to Haley Thompson’s child.

How the fuck did I get so damn lucky?

Haley consumes my every thought. And … yeah, I’ve fucked my hand to memories of her more times than I can count. The picture of her sprawled across the kitchen counter while I ate her like a starving man is perfectly etched in my brain. I mean, shit, I’m surprised the skin of my palm isn’t raw yet. I’d give anything to make those fantasies a reality when I get out of here. But I’m not going to do that. Even if it wasn’t for Buck’s suggestion of waiting a full year of sobriety, I’m just not ready yet. She deserves all of me. And the truth is, there isn’t all of me to give. Not yet anyway. With time, they say, I’ll find my way back to feeling normal. Whatever the fuck that means. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way. All I know is, when I make her mine, I’m going to be a better, stronger version of who I am right now. Because that’s what that girl deserves.

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