Page 40 of Unexpected Ventures

I hear Cassandra snicker, but I just shrug. “They’re nice women and well-intended. I feel bad being mean to them.”

As I’m looking at the other side of the field, I notice Luke wave to a little girl in the stands. She smiles like she just won an entire ice cream truck. Trevor fist bumps Luke. What the hell are the two of them up to?

Cassandra interrupts my thoughts. “Beth, can I ask you a question?”

I look at her. “I’ve never known you to hold back from asking anyone anything, ever.”

She lets out a laugh. “True. You’re very good at what we do at work. That’s not bullshit just because we share a sperm donor.”

I give her a disapproving look. I hate when she bashes our father.

“Sorry. We share a biological father. That’s the most I’ll give you.”

The father Cassandra and I knew were completely different men. She remembers him as the distant man who abandoned her. A man who was cold to her and her mother. Though short-lived, I remember him as warm, loving, and involved, with both me and my mother. I remember a man who sung Cassandra’s praises. I remember him as a man my mother kept on a pedestal. Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile our different experiences.

“Go on. What are you getting at?”

“At work, you’re aggressive, demanding, and, at times, relentless. Look what you did with Molosky. You were an animal in that case. But in your personal life, I see none of those qualities.”

Giselle nods in agreement. “You’re definitely super passive in your personal life.”

I toggle my head between the two of them. “Should I be aggressive and relentless with my son?”

Cassandra purses her lips. “You know that’s not what I meant. I mean with men. I’ve known you,reallyknown you, for six years. I’ve never seen you pursue someone. You just sort of stand back and let things happen. I can count on one hand how many lovers you’ve had in that time. All nothing special. All very vanilla. None of them seemed to be…the multi-orgasm type.”

I mumble, “You’re not wrong about that.”

Giselle nods. “That’s true. You were confident and assertive in law school, and I know you’re good at your job, but when it comes to men, you’re more of a pushover. Gary walked all over you. You settle for what you’re given. You’re smart and fucking beautiful with a crazy good body. Own it. Use it to your advantage.”

Cassandra asks, “Why? Why are you so strong and aggressive at work but not in your personal life? At work, you demand things from people. You push and push until you get exactly what you want and deserve. You play games and strategize. But in your personal life, you’re none of those things. You’re almost indifferent at times. You don’t bring out the tiger I see at work. You could use some of that ball squeezing with men.” She elbows me. “With a particular man that I know does it for you. He thinks you’re too sweet for him? Maybe show him a less-than-sweet side to Beth. If he thinks you’re too nice for him, maybe show him the less-than-nice side of Beth. I know you have it in you. I see it every day.”

Wow. I’ve never looked at it that way. They’re right. I’m a completely different person when it comes to my personal life. I’m a wimp. I take what I’m given, not what I want.

I tilt my head. “What was your sex life like before Trevor? I know you have an amazing sex life with him. I definitely don’t need more details on that. But before him. I’ve only known you with Trevor. It’s hard for me to imagine you with anyone else.”

“I always had an active, good sex life. Things are different with Trevor in part because he’s a freak of nature stallion, and in part because of the feelings involved, but it’s not like I didn’t have great sex before him. I’ve had lots of great sex and experiences. Haveyouever had great sex, Beth?”

“Define great sex?”

She sighs. “I think I have my answer.”

I blow out a breath. “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m vanilla in bed.”

Cassandra shakes her head. “You’re related to me. That can’t be true. Plus, I’ve seen things from you at work that suggest to me there’s an inner tigress in there. Do you really think it’s that you’re vanilla or do you think that maybe you’ve been with the wrong men? Maybe personal Beth is too apathetic, when she needs to be assertive, like work Beth. Flip the switch. Turn it on. I have a feeling that under the right circumstances, there’s a different side of you lying underneath your well-tailored, conservative suits. Either you need the right man to draw it out, or…”

“Or?”

“Or perhaps you need to go after what you want and need. Bring yourtake no prisoners, never take no for an answer, work persona into your personal life.”

I have to admit, she does make good points.

“Tell me about your ex-husband. I’ve never met him, and you rarely speak of him.”

“Gary?”

“Yes.”

“There’s not much to tell. He was my high school sweetheart. We were comfortable. He was all my firsts. We probably should have broken up when I went to college, but we didn’t. He went to community college while I obviously went to a four-year college. He was on and off employed while I went to law school. We got married because I didn’t think I would ever want anyone but him. But as my career began to blossom, so did his resentment. It got ugly. Luke was unplanned. I tried to stick it out for Luke’s sake, but even before the infidelity, it was obvious we were over. We were headed down two completely different paths in life.”

---