Page 115 of The Host

Matt had the desire to turn his heart, but he struggled with feeling he’d ever be worthy of being forgiven.

The bishop had Matt read in Acts about Saul, who had many Christians killed because they believed in Christ… and then Christ appeared to him and asked him why he was persecuting Him? The part that struck Matt the hardest was Saul’s response. “What do you want me to do?”

It was an act of submission and humility.

The bishop invited Matt to ask the Lord what He wanted him to do.

Matt could do that… and he would.

The second thing that impacted Matt was his own concern about moving forward after everything he had done. The bishop looked him right in the eyes and said, “What you did yesterday is over… that door is closed, and you don’t live there anymore. Let Christ’s grace guide you to the opening of a new door. A door that will take your heart and heal you.”

When he got home from meeting with the bishop, he opened up his scriptures, which he had picked up when he was home, and finished reading about Saul. He became a disciple of Christ, and even changed his name to Paul, and wrote many of the books in the New Testament.

He didn’t feel like he needed to change his name in order to be a true disciple, but if Christ’s love could change the heart of someone like Saul, He could do the same with Matthew Lewis Kaplan.

Matt didn’t know what lay ahead in his future, but he felt a change of heart and the desire to one day help others along their path to finding Christ.

The next thing that happened when he got back to Riverside was to change his cell phone number. After the show gave it back to him, there were so many calls, texts, emails, and social media blow-ups that he didn’t want to deal with any of it.

Maybe changing his name would be a wise thing too.

After writing down the numbers of close friends and family, he went to a phone store and got a new number.

When his so-called friends, along with multiple women from his past hadn’t heard from him, they resorted to dropping in on him at his apartment. He decided he needed to move as well.

Thank goodness for Bobby.

The two of them packed up his apartment, threw away many items he didn’t want to take into his new life, and stored the rest in a storage unit while Matt camped in Bobby’s spare room during his job search.

A new job came unexpectedly and although he realized he might not be staying permanently because Matt would move to wherever Evie was, it was a good job and in a town he was familiar with. He applied for, interviewed, and was hired as the assistant chief position at the fire department in the slightly larger town of Palo Cerdo… right next to Viola where he was raised. And the position was a nine-to-five job weekdays only. He wouldn’t have to work on the weekends.

He moved north at the end of the second week.

He was home.

Matt found a decent one-bedroom apartment close to the station, set up an appointment with his new bishop, and once again, explained his past. His new bishop knew his parents, as well as his Aunt Molly and Uncle Dave, but Matt didn’t feel judged by the bishop and felt his Christ-centered path to a better life was possible.

The beginning of his third week of being home from the show had him firmly set in his new life. The only rational reason for everything falling into place so quickly… especially for being hired to a government job that usually took months, was due to the Lord’s will.

The end of the third week found him settled into his new job as well as getting a calling in the ward. The look of terror must have been evident on his face because the bishop instantly reassured him. He was asked to make sure the chairs in the cultural hall were set up for Sunday School every other week and included setting up chairs for stake conference that weekend.

That was something he could do faithfully with little interaction with others.

During his third meeting with his bishop, they talked about the process of attending the temple and what that might look like. Matt was initially hesitant because he thought he hadn’t paid enough penance for his past deeds, but his bishop assured him that the feeling Matt received from the Lord was grace enough and that if he was ready to move forward with his faith, the temple was the next step.

Matt told the bishop he was ready to move forward so they set up an appointment for Matt to take the temple prep classes.

He now sat in the back of the cultural hall, just four weeks after the end of filming the show, admiring the multiple rows of chairs he had set up the morning before, and listened intently to the youth speakers, one of whom was his youngest cousin Davy. He enjoyed listening to the choir and thought he just might join the choir in his ward. He had enjoyed singing as a child and youth and knew he had a decent voice.

He wondered if Evie liked to sing and offered a silent prayer asking for the opportunity to find out.

A lot could happen in twenty-eight days. Evie could be back in the “real” world mentality and her rational thoughts could overpower her and she could imagine everything that happened between them was not real. He also had no idea what the producers decided to keep or cut for the three shows that had aired so far. Matt had no desire to watch any of it and had no idea if Evie had watched them. He asked the fire crew not to mention anything about the show to him until after it finished airing. So far, they had kept their promise.

Matt overheard a couple of ward youth chatting about the show the Sunday before, but they shushed each other when they saw him approaching. He was grateful for their discretion as well.

Matt wondered if Evie was getting the same treatment wherever she was currently. The first sign of doubt entered his mind as he pondered on the reality of the show and Evie’s consistent reminder of it being fake.

She was right… to some extent… that the setting on the show was not realistic, but his feelings were real. He had been with many women and held them in high regard. But Evie was different… and he knew his heart knew it.

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