Page 29 of Amid Our Lines

“That’s the dream.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a plan for how to make it happen,” Eric said, and Adrian snorted.

“I really don’t. The vague outline of one, at best.”

“Or maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“Maybe.” Adrian shifted to tuck his knees up against his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He couldn’t even count the hours he’d spent in this very room, from crawling between the legs of indulgent guests to learning how to walk, to doing his homework while dinner was served in the next room, to his first time kissing a boy who’d been here on a ski holiday, midnight shadows and the dying embers of the fireplace as they’d pressed together.

He wasn’t sure what his expression revealed—something, clearly, because Eric studied Adrian with a quiet smile that sparked an odd warmth in Adrian’s cheeks. “What?” he asked, much softer than he’d intended.

“You really love this place, don’t you?”

“It’s home,” Adrian said simply.

For a second, Eric looked thoughtful before his features relaxed, another smile tugging at his lips. They were nice lips. Adrian wouldn’t have minded kissing them. Or seeing them wrapped around—well,anyway.

“That’s a really nice concept.” Eric’s tone was distant, almost wistful, and Adrian would have asked why if it hadn’t seemed like too personal a question.

Another time.

6

“Nah, sorry.” As a matter of fact, Adrian did not sound sorry. “It’s like his face is stuck in this permanent ‘I just lost my puppy’ expression.”

“It’s called emotional depth,” Eric told him, and really, how had he ended up arguing with Adrian, of all people, about the relative attractiveness of famous actors? It would be a miracle if this conversation about Gabe Duke didn’t eventually lead them to Adrian’s own particular history with cameras.

“Please. An emotional kiddie pool at best.” Adrian’s huff came out in a white cloud, the temperature close to freezing. They’d bundled up accordingly for their run that followed the river, Adrian having suggested it after they’d finished with another box of Christmas decorations.

It had felt like a shift, different from an afternoon on the slopes with Kojo and Martin—like they were becoming friends.

“An emotional kiddie pool?” Eric bit down on a grin. “His BAFTA Award begs to differ.”

Adrian’s entire face lit up as he slid Eric a smug sideways look. “If that’s what it takes to impress you? I got an acting award too, you know. Went to Vegas for it and all.”

And there it was.

Eric fought the laugh tickling the back of his throat. “Did the panel vote happen by show of dicks?”

“I’ll have you know”—Adrian’s snooty tone was at odds with the bright amusement in his eyes—“that the GayVN Awards are voted on by an illustrious panel of judges. They recognise outstanding talent and excellent work when they see it.”

“Was that part of your acceptance speech?” Eric asked.

“I honestly don’t remember.” Adrian paused. “I mostly remember that Martin and I got proper wasted after.”

“And then you woke up married?”

“Ha, no.” Adrian flashed a smile, his cheeks and the tip of his nose a little red from the cold. In that moment, he didn’t resemble Kevin Pine at all—no make-up to cover up small blemishes and the faint shadows under his eyes, none of the airbrushed perfection of his on-screen alter ego. Still gorgeous, though. Maybe more so because he was real.

That way lay dragons.

Because Eric’s sense of self-preservation was intact, he changed the topic to the mountains that surrounded them. The joyful pride in Adrian’s voice as he described how glaciers had formed the landscape and the way it changed with the seasons—it resonated oddly in Eric’s chest. Adrianbelonged. He had a home, while Eric only had a flat in London.

‘You could use someone a little more settled.’

Wasn’t that how Adrian’s mum had put it? And maybe she wasn’t wrong, but Eric suspected it wasn’t just the people he’d dated who had shit to figure out. He’d always considered himself quite grounded, but how true was that when he struggled with something as simple as making the first move on someone who was almost certain to say yes? Because game of chicken or not, Adrian would. He’d made that clear.

And yet Eric didn’t know how to ask.

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