Page 21 of Cluelessly Yours

“Okay, but what would youchooseto eat if given all the options?”

Me? Choosing dinner for myself without trying to accommodate anyone else’s preferences?

“Fancy Chinese food. Or braised beef short ribs. Or a really,reallygood pasta. Oh! Or a juicy steak with extravagant sauces and sides.”

Gavin chuckles. “Got it. I don’t think we’ll be able to hit all of those in one night, though.” His mouth lifts into a smirk. “But that means there’s potential for a lot of chances. And I’m okay with that.”

I open my mouth to tell him how surprised I am that this evening doesn’t feel like a disaster at all, when a loud shriek in the kitchen yanks at my attention and that of everyone else in the restaurant. My eyebrows draw together, but I don’t have time to be confused for long. Sudden and startling, the sprinkler system kicks on, dousing us and the entire dining room of patrons in a spraying glory of cold water.

“Ah!” I shout, so caught off guard I feel frozen. Gavin recoils at the unexpecteddrowning too, but he gets his bearings a hell of a lot quicker than I do. Jumping up from his chair in a hurry, he pulls me out of mine and hustles us outside with the herd of other people seeking dry ground like us.

I can feel the water soaking through my black dress—thank God it’s the friendliest color and thus the most prominent in my closet—and my nipples starting to perk through the lace of my bra. If I weren’t so confused about just about everything in my life, I might have used the opportunity to imagine what Gavin’s dark head would look like if he were to play with them.

But Iamconfused. And all the normal female desires inside me feel dulled and disorganized.

Don’t get me wrong, Gavin’s been charming and handsome, and I can say with one hundred percent certainty, it’s not his fault I’m feeling so numb.

No, life did that long before he ever could have.

Three women who I know were previously dressed to the nines scuttle by us on the sidewalk, their mascara running down their faces with an unfortunate intensity. One of them is crying a little, and for as bad as I feel for her, it breaks a dam inside me.

I start to laugh.

Rolling, shoulder-shaking waves that take over my body as I throw my head back and look up to the dark night sky nestled between the huge buildings of Manhattan. Gavin looks on and even starts to nervous chuckle to himself when my laugh turns more manic.

“I swear I’m a walking target for the universe,” I declare, throwing my arms up in the air and jostling my head back and forth to shake some of the water out of my now-flat hair. “What else? What else have you got?”

I expect a lightning bolt to strike me from the clear sky or a hole to open up and suck me into the void. But when nothing happens, I’m left staring at the sky with pathetic desperation. At least if I got zapped, it would feel like someone was listening. As it is right now, I feel like I’m trapped in an endless loop of struggling.

“Come on. You’ve got to be starving,” Gavin says gently, ignoring my outburstwith an incredible amount of tact. “There’s a food truck a couple of blocks up with the most incredible pasta vodka.”

“Pasta?” I ask hopefully, and that’s all Gavin needs to hear. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and ushers us in the direction of sustenance. I go willingly.

“We can be there in no time.” He rubs at my upper arm, and even though it feels a little awkward, I let him. It’s not his fault that I’ve become skittish to all touch like some kind of feral cat. “I’d give you my jacket if it weren’t filled with a hundred pounds of water.”

I giggle, and it still sounds a little crazy. I swallow hard to try to get myself under control. “I understand.”

But my soaked wrap isn’t doing much good on this cool spring evening either. I’m wet and shivering and the more I think about the fact that my building isn’t that far of a subway ride from here, the more I’m starting to feel pretty dang done for the night. The need to eat and shower and relax for point five seconds before Mo and Vinny and Chase drop the boys off after the game is rapidly becoming my biggest priority.

At this point, I’ll even settle for skipping the pasta and gorging on some pizza rolls I know I have in the freezer.

“Do you…would you mind if I take my food to go?” I ask Gavin as we approach the glow of the food truck on the opposite side of the street. “I’m starting to get pretty cold at the moment. I didn’t exactly dress for sprinklers.” I grimace when I meet his eyes. “I’m sorry—”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it at all. We’ll order, and then I’ll walk you home.”

“Actually…” I wince.Gah.I’m really something. “I’m not quite comfortable with anyone knowing where I live yet. I… Well, if it’s okay, I’d rather say goodbye here.”

“Sammy, it’s all good.” Gavin smiles before leaning down to place a soft kiss to my cheek. It feels nice—truly soothing, even, and my shoulders drop away from my ears for the first time this evening. Gavin’s understanding of not only my emotional vacancy but also my outburst and need to get the hell outof here as quickly as possible are really earning him some brownie points.Maybe he’s the kind of guy who’s worth taking the chance for.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says. “In fact, I think I’ll just head out now, give you some space, and get these wet clothes changed.” I feel bad, but he immediately smooths the wrinkle that’s forming between my eyes with a gentle touch of his finger. “As weird as this may sound, considering the current state of us, I had a really good time with you. I hope we can do this again soon.”

As much as I want to say “Yes, let’s do it again soon,” every bone inside me feels tired. I just don’t know if I have the energy to be doing this right now, and committing seems like a bad idea. I can’t even schedule a waxing appointment in advance.

Thankfully, I don’t have to say anything. Gavin leans forward to kiss me on the cheek once more and lets me off the hook completely. “Good night, Sammy.”

“Good night.”

As he turns on his heel and heads on his way, an exasperated breath leaves my lungs, and I sink my head into my hands.

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