Page 44 of Cluelessly Yours

And then I go back a second time to double-check because fire hazards freak me out.

The apartment is eerily quiet, devoid of the normal hustle and bustle of my two wild boys, and it makes my stomach feel whooshy and nervous. I swear, motherhood changes your factory settings. Everything that was once about yourself becomes about them, and quiet moments alone become few and far between. In between the overstimulation and worry and labor, there are so many moments that only feel right because your kids are there.

And since Grant’s accident, alone time and guilt have been in a permanent blender.

The only reason I’m getting ready to meet Gavin for dinner right now? My sister.

Since Grant and Seth are off school tomorrow, they’re spending the night at Brooke and Chase’s. I honestly have no idea why my very pregnant sister wants to entertain my kids, but ever since we moved to New York, it’s like she’s been trying to make up for lost time with her nephews.

As I grab my phone and keys and purse and head out the door, I can’t stopmyself from sending Brooke a quick text to make sure she hasn’t changed her mind.

Me: Are you surviving? Are they behaving? Are you sure you want to keep them for an entire night? I can cancel my plans and come get them. Just say the word.

Her response is almost instant.

Brooke: We’re all good here. DON’T cancel your plans.

Not only did I agree to a third dinner date with Gavin, but this time, I even let my sister know my plans. She didn’t balk when I told her who I was having dinner with, and she didn’t mention Noah once. I’m not sure if her neutrality was genuine or if she was pretending, but either way, it feels like progress. For both of us.

Brooke: Is it cool that Chase is showing them how to play beer pong? Don’t worry, we’ll only let them have a few brews.

I snort as I step out of my building and start the two-block walk to Leyla’s, the restaurant where Gavin secured a reservation.

Me: It’s in the name of learning a skill that will become invaluable in college. Who am I to deny them something so important? Plus, they’ll be able to teach my future niece or nephew in a few years. Honestly, if you have time, you might as well show them how to play quarters too.

After I hit send, I can’t stop myself from sending her one more message.

Me: Speaking of my future niece or nephew, I think you should tell your doctor to tell me what the gender is. I swear I’ll keep it a secret.

Brooke is in her eighth month of pregnancy and she’s insistent on waiting to find out the gender, but I’m dying with anticipation. I’ve spent the last seven years eyeballs-deep in superheroes and dinosaurs, and I’m really hoping for the chance to buy pretty dresses and bows.

Brooke: That’s cute. But you’re going to find out when I find out, which is whenever he or she makes their big debut. Now, go enjoy a night to yourself.

Me: Are you sure everything is good? You promise you want to keep them all night? I can come get them anytime…

Brooke: Sammy, stop texting me! We’re good. The boys are being little angels.

Me: Angels? My kids? Now I know you’re lying. What’s really going on over there? Do you need them so you can pretend to be a family in a drug-mule scheme likeWe’re the Millers?

Brooke: SAMMY. Go have some damn fun! Lord knows when harvesting time comes for the little crop I’m growing, Chase and I are going to be calling YOU for help.

With one last sigh of guilt, I push myself to let it go and complete the short trek to the restaurant.

Thankfully, now, the weather is starting to turn just enough that I don’t have to shiver my way down the sidewalk anymore.

By the time I reach the swanky place Gavin picked, I can barely get through the door and up to the hostess stand, it’s so packed with the dinner crush.

“Can I help you?” the hostess asks right as I spot Gavin at a table directly behind her. He’s standing, waving, and smiling at me, so I point toward him.

“I found him. Thank you.”

She nods before moving on to the people shoving in the door behind me.

I make my way between the filled tables quickly enough, tucking my light trench coat to my body to avoid skimming it against people as I move. And Gavin is waiting for me with my chair pulled out when I arrive.

“You look stunning,” he says, wrapping one strong arm around my waist and pulling me close. I look up into his striking eyes just in time for him to catch my lips with his own in a soft, chaste kiss.

I startle slightly but calm quickly enough. It’s unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome. I mean, affection is part of dating. Right?

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