Page 90 of Cluelessly Yours

I can’t let it. I know it’s chaotic, but fuck. Having a kid with a woman I dated a few months ago or not, I need Sammy Baker—and her boys—in my life. I need them as my family.

Theyaremy family. And I’m pretty sure they’ve been my family for a lot longer than I even realize.

Ashley stands at my door expectantly—she wants to talk, and it’s obvious that weneedto. But I can’t talk right now.

“I’m sorry, Ashley, but I have to go after her,” I blurt out the words in a rush.

I turn on my heel, not bothering to wait for her response, run to the end of the hall, and push the elevator call button frantically.

“Noah!” Ashley calls after me. “Wait!”

“Stay here and we’ll talk, I promise, but please, you have no idea how important this is! I can’t just let her leave!” I shout, not even turning around to look back at her, and smashing the call button with my finger several more times.

But the digital display above the elevator’s doors is going in the opposite direction I need it to because the damn thing is still on its way down withher.

Impatient and worried, I abandon the ease of a ride and run for the stairwell in the corner, taking the steps down two at a time and even jumping four or so at the end of every flight.

My speed is reckless, but so is my need. I have to get to Sammy before she leaves. I have to remind her what she means to me and ask her for the patience to sort through this mess strategically.To sort through it together.

I need to know that she has the faith to believe we can make it work, no matter how muddled this gets, because we’re worth it.

Thefeelingwe give each other isworth it.

I burst through the metal door at the bottom of the stairwell so hard that my downstairs neighbor standing in front of the elevator startles, and all theheads in the lobby turn in my direction. I don’t care. I scan the entire space for Sammy, only to catch the front door closing behind her.

“Outside, Mr. Philips,” the front desk manager Marco calls out to assist, but I’m already running.

Out and through the door, I bump my doorman with the handle and turn back only briefly to apologize.

But his eyes aren’t on me. He’s looking toward the street with fear. “Watch out!” he yells, and I turn around just in time to see it.

Sammy is stepping off the curb, her head turned to the right and her hand in the air for the cab coming from up the block, all the while not seeing the cab that’s nearly already there coming from the other direction.

God, no!

I don’t think; I just move, diving toward her on a sprint and shouting her name. I wrap my arms around her waist and push her from behind just as the cab makes impact with my left hip and sends us both into the air.

Pain radiates up my side, and I clutch Sammy tighter, her screams echoing in my head so loudly, I’m absolutely positive I’ll hear them forever.

You didn’t think you could live without her, but now, who knows if you’ll even get the chance to try.

We hit the ground with an uncontrolled, sickening thud, and that’s the end of the world as I know it.

Tuesday, May 31st

Sammy

“It’s been two days. When is she going to wake up?Isshe going to wake up? I don’t—”

“Brooke, baby, take a breath. Don’t get yourself worked up.”

“Take a breath, Chase? How am I supposed to take a breath when my sister is—”

“Shh, baby. I know.”

I can hear my sister. And her fiancé. I want to go to them. Ineedto go to them. But murky water surrounds me. It mutes the light and feels thick like swampy sludge against my skin. I struggle against it, but my fight is futile, and I drift deeper and deeper beneath the surface, despite my sister’s crying.

“I know this is hard, but you have to give her time. Her body and her brain need to rest.”

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