Page 47 of Wild Oat Milk

My heart wants Gunnar Scott to wrap me in his big arms while he asks towatch the latest TikToks, so he can chuckle at my little critters having picnics and tell me I should be on kids’ afternoon TV. That it’d be cool if Viv could watch them from the couch when she’s older, and he could sit beside her, eating their afternoon snacks, while they giggle at Mama’s silly voices.

When I imagine that, I want to fill the couch with enough kids that they’re climbing on him, so he can’t get up. Not that he’d want to. In my head, he’d love our family to grow big and happy too. He wants a home filled with so much love, our kids will never doubt that they’re cared for and treasured.

And I want to giggle with him under the bedcovers, while we watch the little adult versions of those woolly-critter videos I’ve made just for him. I’ve actually spent the last two months crocheting and filming a few. It’s sort of what I do on mydates.

Shelby points to my knitting bag near the door, on her way into the kitchen. “As handy as it is for me that Gunnar’s agreed to babysit Jaxon while he’s here watching Viv tonight, I’dhappily forgo my plans and babysit for you two, so you can fuck out all that sexual tension you’re both carrying around,” she says with a smirk. “Why don’t you tell him you want to date him, instead of going on pretend adult playdates?”

I pull a face at Viv and sigh. “He’s with someone else, Shelby.”

“Well, maybe he’s seeing her because he’s lonely and you said he can’t be with you. From what I can tell, he’s crazy about you and Viv. Have you not seen the way he looks at you? Do you not hear how he talks about you? He sounds like a smitten, protective, action-figure-y hero with a crush the size of Texas. I’ve never even heard him talk about that other woman. Have you met her? Is it serious or more of a casual thing?”

“I don’t know.” I wipe my palms on my jeans. “It’s not serious enough to talk sperm with her.”

Shelby tosses her hair back and laughs. “What?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. You think he’d consider dating me instead, if I asked?”

“What do you have to lose? If he says no, you can always get your dick fix somewhere else.” She waves a dismissive hand in the air. “You’re more than welcome to come out dancing with me, if he turns you down.” She does a spin in her slinky dress and shimmies her tits at me. “My closet is all yours if you want to go change.” She looks me up and down and shakes her head. “Who do you think Gunnar believes you’re meeting when you wear jeans and a T-shirt on your dates?”

I look down at my tight, croppedMetallicaTee. “It’s a sexy T-shirt.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, nodding. “I just feel like he’d rather see more cleavage. That man stares at your tits like he wants to latch on when you’re not looking.”

My cheeks warm, because I immediately think of the way he did do just that, and how fucking good it felt. I glance down atmy T-shirt again. “The man does like tits,” I agree. “And he was at the farm for Ben and Maggie’s wedding over the weekend, so he’ll probably be all about the tits tonight.”

“Why’s that?” Shelby asks.

I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want to tell her Gunnar’s got a kinky lactation infatuation. I’m pretty sure that grown men, being excited about breastfeeding, isn’t meant to be as fucking hot as my wet-pussy response claims it is, and I don’t want her to think Gunnar’s a freak, because that would make me a freak, too.

“Well, he hasn’t seen these things for a few days, and I’m hoping he’s had withdrawals,” I explain, gesturing to my tits before I groan. “Why do I hope that, Shelby? Why do I want him to see me and be so overwhelmed with need he’ll take me on the spot in a way that’ll make Viv a little brother or sister?” I lower my head to my hands. “What’s wrong with me?”

“My diagnosis? Semen deficiency,” Shelby says with a grin. “I hear there’s an injection for that. Maybe you should get it tonight. I’m sure Gunnar has some in stock for you.”

My brain grabs the idea and runs with it, and the fantasy is enough to make me squeak. It brings with it a great sense of urgency to tell him what I want — love and more babies. Can I be that bold? Maybe. If I looked the part.

I hold Viv out toward Shelby. “Would you watch Viv, while I run up and change?”

“I was hoping you’d ask,” Shelby says as she takes the baby. “We’ll go play in the living room with Jax, until your hunky babysitter arrives.”

“He’s not her babysitter; he’s her dad,” I correct her and rush upstairs, to put on the dress I wore the night Gunnar made Viv with me.

I shiver as I slip into it, forgoing underwear again. It may feel a little silly if he ignores me and I spend the rest of myevening sitting my car, knitting, but it’s worth the risk when the alternative may be him, choosing to be with me, spreading me wide, pinning me down with his mouth on my tits, and fucking me bare until I’m pregnant with another of his babies.

Another thrill runs through me.

He likes to be in charge, but he also likes it when I speak my mind.

Am I brave enough to tell him I’m not confused anymore? That I want him? That I want him to want me? That I want our family to grow?

What if he says,Aw, that’s cute, Little Miss, but Daddy’s with a big girl now, and she always knows what she wants? Am I strong enough to risk that rejection?

The doorbell rings, and I hurry to put on some mascara and lip gloss, so I look like I’m trying.

I walk down the stairs slowly, meeting Gunnar’s gaze when he looks up.

His eyes widen, and he swears under his breath. Shelby giggles as she lifts his arm, sets Viv against his chest, and wraps his arm back around the baby tightly.

With apparent difficulty, he tears his gaze from me and greets his daughter. “Hey, Viviana Bea. Your mama’s looking pretty fancy tonight.” He glances at me again and closes his eyes, seeming kind of nervous as he scrapes his hand through his hair and rubs the back of his neck.

---