Page 36 of Stupid Dirty

The coldness in his voice makes me think he means it.

Pulling me back inside, Cade slams the door shut so hard the whole wall rattles and then he flips the crusty old deadbolt. As if someone who wanted in badly enough couldn’t rip the whole door off its hinges.

Inside, Cade puts his back to the door and slides down until he’s sitting on the floor, then throws his head back into it with a thunk.

The sounds of crashing drifts through the door, as all the rusted crap outside gets thrown around in anger. There’s more yelling about how he wants his damn money. I’m buzzing with somuch adrenaline it’s like I’ve got fire in my veins, but all the fight has already drained out of Cade.

His eyes are just as vacant now as Kris’ when I walked in.

“Sit.” He plucks weakly at the sleeve of my hoodie. “He’ll tire himself out and leave soon. He knows if he comes back in here, I’ll actually call the cops and it’s not worth it to him.”

I sit beside him, with my knees up and my back against the door.

“Maybe you should call the cops. Does he do this a lot?”

Cade snorts.

“And risk getting on CPS’ radar so the girls can end up in some fucking foster home? No, thank you. Mom spent half her childhood in foster homes. I know exactly what goes on there. Not fucking happening. Cops are useless anyway. They can’t even tell him to leave because this is technically still his house.”

The sigh that he lets out seems to last a lifetime, and his eyes close like they’re suddenly too heavy to keep open.

A particularly loud crash from outside makes Cade flinch, but he quickly settles again. I feel completely adrift here, but I’d do anything to make him look less exhausted.

Cade shivers beside me, and I realize it’s fucking winter, and he’s still half-naked.

“Dude, you must be freezing. Go get dressed.”

He shakes his head with his eyes still closed, even though his teeth are chattering now.

“Not until he leaves. Just in case. This door won’t stop him if he really wants to get in.”

Fuck. Pulling my hoody over my head I shove it into his hands, but by the time he’s putting it on he’s shaking violently enough that he needs my help to get his arms through the sleeves and tug it down over his head. It seems like maybe more than just the cold is affecting him.

Gray eyes stare at me while he tremors and shakes from the adrenaline crash. He looks ripped open and raw, like I could reach into him and grab any part, no matter how deeply buried.

“I’m glad you were here, Silas.”

I rub my hands up and down his arms on the pretense of warming him up, but really hoping it’ll make him feel more grounded.

“Me too, Cade.”

Something smashes into the wall of the trailer, making it shake. Cade flinches again.

It only takes a gentle tug from me to get him to lean over and bury his face in my neck. I turn so I can wrap my arms around him fully, even throwing one of my legs over his lap. I try to surround him with every inch of myself that I can, as if that were enough to make him feel warm and safe and not scared anymore.

Slowly, the shivering subsides.

But I’m not letting go until he makes me.

Chapter Fifteen

After what feels like hours, the engine of Dad’s piece of shit car finally sputters and then roars to life. He screams out one last string of obscenities before pulling away, but the words all bleed together.

When someone has spent enough of your life attacking you with their words, they always bleed together. You hear their tone over everything else. I don’t need to make out the individual words to know how much my father still hates me. He’s always made that very clear.

It’s fine. I hate him too.

I should feel calmer as I listen to the sound of his car tear down the driveway and away from us, but I don’t. The fight-or-flight instinct ebbs, at least. But the feeling that it leaves behind is the opposite of calm.

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