Page 48 of Stupid Dirty

I sleep heavily and dream about Silas.

Chapter Twenty

When I wake up, I have to blink a few times because something is weird. It’s not morning yet. It’s still dark in here and I feel the kind of fuzziness that comes from only having slept a few hours. I only have to wonder what woke me up for a second before it becomes obvious.

“Cade?” My voice is croaky with sleep.

I don’t think he’s awake. He’s plastered down the length of my body, bare-ass naked and pressing himself against me, and his hard cock is jutting into my hip. He has one arm thrown over my chest and his hand is on my pec, kneading it with his fingers in a way he’s never done before, but is sending shivers of something through me, making me want more. His hips are moving rhythmically, thrusting against me, and his cock is gliding over my skin that’s now slick with sweat and precum.

“Cade.” I’m a little louder this time, still not sure if he’s awake or asleep.

His eyes open, and he looks at me with this sleepy smile that makes me so happy I want to grab hold of him and never let go.

“Mmmm.” He thrusts against my hip one more time.

“What are you doing?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Horny again. I liked touching you earlier, made everything feel better.” His hips are still rolling into me as he mumbles the words, and having his hard dick on my skin is making me just as hard. He’s not looking, but he could, and then he’ll see what he does to me. I don’t know how that’s going to make him feel. I still don’t know how that makes me feel, other than worried.

“Okay, so you are awake. I wasn’t sure.”

I’m still lying on my back, not moving, because I have no idea if I’m supposed to be participating in this or not.

“Mmmm,” he says again, but then he goes still. When he looks at me again, he blinks a few times, and I can tell the moment his brain comes fully back online.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t—I was dreaming, and you were there, and then I was hard and I wasn’t sure if I was still dreaming, and I just… Fuck. I’m so sorry. I just like, assaulted you or something. Fuck.”

Panic edges into his voice as he babbles and his eyes get way too wide. He shuffles away from me, but before he can roll back so he’s not touching me anymore, my hand shoots out to grab his hip.

“Stop.” My voice comes out as a growl. “Cade, breathe.”

I continue to hold his hip tight, steadying him, and look him in the eye. He takes one shuddering breath and then another, staring at me with a quietly panicked expression. It’s a weird role reversal for us, but all I can think about is how much I need him to be okay and to not run away from me.

He never, ever needs to run away from me.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” I use my hand on his hip to pull him in a little closer to me, but keep looking him in the eye. He always takes such good care of me. Why would he think I would want him tostop doing something that made him feel good? Especially whenhemakes me feel good.

“It’s okay,” I say it again, practically a whisper, before taking a deep breath and finally following my instincts. Letting go of his hip, I move that hand down to wrap my fingers gently around his cock. Despite his freak-out, it’s still painfully hard and begging for friction, and I want to give it to him.

I look him in the eye, raising my eyebrows in a silent question as I stroke him once, slowly, from base to tip. Cade gives me this tiny, almost imperceptible nod, still wide-eyed, then lets his eyes sink close as he sighs in relief.

My hand has stopped moving, but his hips buck up until he’s fucking my fist. I have a moment of fear that he’s closed his eyes so he can pretend I’m someone else, but when he opens them again and pins me down with his stare, I know without a doubt that there’s no one in his mind but me right now.

He’s still fucking my fist, but I snap out of it and move, tightening my hand and moving with him. The skin over his cock feels velvet-soft and impossibly hot, and the weight of him in my hand is more reassuring than any other way we’ve ever touched.

Relishing in the heat of his hard cock against my skin is like the final card in my teetering, ridiculous logic that justifies what I feel, and what we’ve been doing, as normal best friend behavior. The alternative was too big and confusing to confront, so I wouldn’t let myself consider it. It all comes crashing down after that.

But I’m happy about it. Because now I can stop lying to myself. And this feels like exactly where I belong.

I run my thumb over the wetness at the tip of his cock, pulling a moan out of him and making his eyes do that fluttery thing one more time. This time, when he opens them again, he shakes his head a little, and it makes me pause. I thought he was justas overwhelmed by desire as I am, but now I’m terrified about what’s coming next.

“Fuck,” he says, still staring at me the way he does. “We are so fucking stupid. No one is as stupid as we are. Fuck, we’re dumb.”

I don’t have time to figure out what he means by that, because half a second later he launches himself at me and my lap and mouth is suddenly full ofCade.

For me, Cade has always taken up a disproportionate amount of space in the room. But right now, he’s all-encompassing. I’m powerless to do anything other than melt into him, and it feels like my body was born to do this.

He’s straddling my hips, the head of his cock dragging over my stomach where it hangs heavy with arousal. His hands seem like they’re trying to touch me everywhere: running down my chest, gripping my biceps, running his fingers through my hair. I can’t focus on it though, because of what he’s doing with his mouth.

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