Page 62 of Stupid Dirty

Chapter Twenty-Five

Since Christmas, there’s been a tension between me and Silas that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Or maybe it was since Ford caught us going at it in the back of the shop. Which wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be, although he’s really nailed the art of making fun of me with just a facial expression whenever I swing by.

But it’s in the funny,I caught you with your pants down,teasing way that buddies do. Not the terrifying, homophobic way that I’m always low-key worried about. I asked Silas if he said anything weird about it, but Silas said he was cool. We’ve all laughed about it. So I don’t know what kicked off Silas’ downward spiral.

The more things I cross off my list, the more it looks like I might be the thing he’s upset about. That thought makes me want to throw up, though, so I’m not facing it yet.

The only other explanation for his sullen mood is that his dad is pulling some shady shit behind the curtains. Which frustrates me. I know what Travis is capable of, but I can’t stop it if Silaswon’t let me know what’s happening. I still haven’t even been to his house yet. He’s so paranoid about potentially having me and his dad in the same space.

It makes me worry that maybe I don’t know what Travis is capable of. That’s the only rational reason Silas would hide things from me. We don’t talk about his dad very often, but he’s mentioned bits and pieces about his childhood. There’s a lot that he knows I can infer from context, even if we’re not putting it all out in the open. But if Travis is doing even worse shit than what we’ve already acknowledged, and that’s what Silas is trying to hide from me, then we’re going to have a serious problem.

Which is why I’m standing on his doorstep, waiting to see if Silas is going to answer my knock, or Travis, or no one.

This is a terrible idea, Cade.

I’m here now, so I might as well see it through.

I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish by surprising him. I don’t know what I’m hoping to see. Nothing, I guess.

I have to know what’s going on with him. Even if it turns out I am the one making him unhappy.

Wish was right about one thing, though. This house is a dump. I don’t know why I thought he was so rich all through high school. As if there are mansions around here, anyway. Shoving my hands deeper in my pockets to ward off the cold, I stamp my feet and watch my breath curl around my face in the frigid air. Finally, the sounds of footsteps approach.

Please don’t be Travis. I can’t punch him in his stupid face and go to jail while the girls still need me.

Thank fuck it’s Silas’ face I see when the door swings open. Confused, but still gorgeous as ever. Even that little wrinkle he gets in his forehead when he frowns—which is all the time—that I always want to smooth out with my thumb.

“Cade?”

“Present. Is your dad home?” I don’t wait for the answer before pushing my way into the house. I’m coming in either way, the only thing the answer will change is what I’m going to do once I’m in there.

Silas shuffles awkwardly out of my way and glances outside before he shuts the door, as if he’s checking we’re not being watched. “No, he’s out. What are you doing here?”

Words are not important right now. Grabbing the front of his hoodie, I march him backwards until he hits the nearest wall hard enough to knock his breath loose before leaning in to steal it with a kiss.

“I want you to fuck me. That’s what I’m doing here. It’s been too long since I’ve felt you inside me.” I mutter the words directly into his mouth, rewarded by the sight of his pupils dilating.

“Okay.”

Okay.I guarantee in fifteen minutes the filthiest shit will be coming out of his mouth, but right now all he can manage is a wide-eyed “okay”. Fuck, he makes me smile sometimes.

“Show me your bedroom.”

My mind is a loud place. My life is also loud. Silas is the only thing in the world that can make it all go quiet.

Even if it’s just for a little while.

I’ve been with girls before, and I like it. But I was always bigger and stronger, and it was always assumed that I would take thedominant role. It was fun, but it didn’t do anything to turn off the barrage of thoughts and feelings that always seems to be cranked one setting too high inside my brain.

Everything is different when I’m with Silas. It’s why I haven’t asked him if he ever wants to switch. That, and because a tiny, paranoid part of my brain is scared that the question might shake loose some unspeakable trauma that he’s not ready to face. I don’t know what switches it flips in his brain to be on top and take possession of me, but it obviously works for him and I’m not complaining.

It works for me, too. More than I would ever have believed.

Right now, Silas has his big, powerful body draped down the length of my back, pinning me to the bed with his weight. His arm is wrapped around my chest, holding me tight, and he has one large hand wrapped possessively around my throat. He’s not squeezing hard enough to cut off all my oxygen, but enough to let me know that he has me.

It feels like I’m split open on his fat fucking cock. He’s tearing me in two, with his other hand holding my thigh open just enough to let him in, and all I can hear is the slap of his balls against my ass and the guttural, wild noises he’s making in my ear.

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