Page 47 of Cold As Ice

He’d seen it with his own two eyes.

And just like I expected him to—he’d decided I wasn’t worth it.

* * *

I finally got Imogen down a little after eight. After all the excitement of meeting Austin and then terrorizing Vader and Jeremiah she was a bundle of hyper energy when we’d gotten back home.

Austin didn’t text. But then, I knew he wouldn’t.

I’d dropped a bomb at his feet, and he’d responded the way most college seniors would.

He ran at the first sign of trouble.

But I still felt guilty over the whole thing, and I couldn’t let it go until I apologized for my part in it.

Getting comfortable on my couch with a hot mug of milk and a sprinkle of cinnamon, I grabbed my cell phone and started typing.

Madison: Hey, so… today was awkward. I’m so sorry you had to find out like that. I wanted to tell you, but how do you tell the guy you’re fooling around with that you have a four-year-old daughter?

I hit send and waited a few minutes. He didn’t reply; I didn’t really expect him to.

Madison: Listen there’s no hard feelings on my end. I just wanted to apologize and explain myself. This is all new to me. You’re the first guy… Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now.

Worrying my lip between my teeth, I kept typing as the thoughts and emotions kept pouring out of me until silent tears slipped down my cheeks.

Madison: Thank you for reminding me that I’m still in here somewhere. It’s been a really long time since I felt desired, Austin. So thank you! I guess this will be the last time I text. So have a nice life, Austin Hart. I hope all your dreams come true. Madi xo

I felt better, lighter, getting all that off my chest. It still hurt knowing that we were done. But it’s what I’d wanted—what we’d both wanted.

A little fun without the strings.

Austin had reminded me that Imogen’s father hadn’t completely destroyed me, and I would always be thankful for that.

There had been a time—when I was a terrified, sleep-deprived seventeen-year-old holding my newborn baby in my arms—when I didn’t think I could do it. That I would never be everything she needed. With the staunch support of my parents, Jeremiah and Fawn, and Jacqui and Ken, I’d done it, though. I’d learned how to change diapers, burp her, and keep healthy routines.

I’d learned how to become a mother.

It gave me something to focus on. I couldn’t fall apart because my sweet little Immy needed me. So, I forged myself into someone new. I became strong for her. But I lost sight of myself.

I guess, in some ways, after Warren, I shut down. I became numb.

Gradually, with a lot of encouragement from Jeremiah and Fawn, I slowly began to live again. To let myself be Madison, the girl, and not just Madison, the mom. But I’d never allowed myself to get close to anyone until Austin.

And now that he knew the truth, I would likely never see him again.

Maybe it’s for the best. Before you got in too deep.

It wasn’t like I didn’t have a lot to focus on in my life already without the added complication of a guy. At least, with work and Imogen, it would keep my mind from wandering to Austin. Wondering what if…

I shook those thoughts out of my head, maybe in another life.

“Mommy?” Imogen murmured, and I almost jumped out of my skin.

I hadn’t heard her come into the room.

“Goodness, baby. You almost gave me a heart attack.” I got up and went to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I sleeps with you?”

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