Page 74 of Cold As Ice

Something I’dneverexperienced growing up.

My mom had chosen her modeling career—herself—over me and Rory time and time again. And when our father grew tired of her selfish bullshit and left, she didn’t only abandon me; shehatedme.

All because I looked like him.

I reminded her of what she’d lost, what she’d willingly sacrificed for her career.

Mom might have held Rory to impossible standards and forced her onto a path that crushed her self-esteem and gave her an eating disorder, but she acted like I was dead to her.

Damn. I was a special brand of fucked up to be mentally comparing who’d had it worse at the hands of our mother, but I hadn’t realized back then the true extent of the damage she had inflicted on my sister. I’d been too busy trying to escape my shitty existence. Fucking and fighting my way through high school. I channeled all my anger and frustration into hockey, constantly trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I was worth something. That I didn’t need anyone in order to get where I was going. Least of all, my parents. The two people meant to love me unconditionally.

I shut downthosethoughts. I wasn’t some hotheaded kid full of teenage angst and emotions anymore.

“You look like you could use this,” Madison said, handing me another beer.

I hadn’t even noticed her approach. But now that she was here, right in front of me, and I wanted nothing more than to reach for her and pull her onto my lap.

“Thanks.”

“Not enjoying the show?” She tipped her head toward the stage, the scantily clad dancer there, working her spell on the crowd.

“I think we both know I’m not here for the entertainment.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line as she studied me. Trying to dig into my psyche.

I didn’t tend to worry about what people, especially girls, saw when they looked at me.

But I cared what Madison thought.

That spark I was becoming so used to feeling around her crackled between us, the air turning thick and heavy. Full of delicious anticipation I wasn’t supposed to act on.

My gaze dropped to her mouth, and her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. A move that drove me fucking crazy. “Stop looking at me like that,” she hissed.

“Stop teasing me with that perfect mouth of yours.” The words were out before I could stop them.

“We can’t do this again,” she said weakly.

“Do what?” I played dumb, trying to cover my mistake.

But it was too late. The words were out in the open, hovering between us. A spark waiting to catch.

“Austin, we can’t. I have a daughter, and you have… hockey.”

“I’m not asking for anything you can’t give me.”

I didn’t really know what I was asking for.

All I knew was I didn’t want it to be the end. I liked her. I liked spending time with her. And I wasn’t ready to give that up.

“Friends,” she deadpanned, still her expression was as unconvinced as her tone.

“Friends… but more,” I countered.

“You mean fuck buddies.” Distaste washed over her.

“No, I mean friends with benefits.”

Fuck.

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