Page 22 of Below the Surface

Cameron nods.

“I used to—a long time ago, not so much now. But I feel unsure sometimes.”

“Really? You’re always so confident.”

I laugh. “There are times when I’m a nervous wreck, Cam.”

“With me?”

“Sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Because I care so much more than I ever have about anyone. And I never want you to doubt that—not for a second.”

Cameron stretches to kiss me. “I’ve never doubted that.”

I nod.

“Something is brewing up there in your head,” she says. “Do you want to tell me?”

“It’s why I stepped away—Kelsey has never understood why.”

“Kelsey can be myopic.”

I snicker.

“Believe me, I know,” Cam says. “I’ve been friends with her since the ninth grade. And there’ve been times that’s messed with my perception of myself.”

“How so?”

Cameron holds onto me as she continues. “Kelsey was always ahead of me—not in school—in life. She was more adventurous where I was focused. She went to parties and stayed all night. Even when I did agree to go with her, my thoughts were always on what I needed to accomplish. She still thinks that means I’m uptight or something—that I don’t know how to have fun. Her idea of fun and mine aren’t always the same. I’m not saying Kelsey has ever been reckless. I calculate risk. It’s not so much because I fear something will fall apart—it’s just that I hold myself accountable if it does. Kelsey shrugs it off. If I’m honest, it surprised me when I learned she liked submitting to Caleb.”

I consider Cameron’s observations without comment.

“What are you thinking?” Cameron asks. “It doesn’t surprise you, does it?”

“Not really—no. People have different reasons for what they need in a relationship—sexually, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Some people thrive on being in charge; others need someone to take control. Some enjoy role reversal. That’s true ofeveryone, not just kinky people, Cam. They may not think about it the same way, but it’s true. Many people would never want anyone outside their relationship to know what they enjoy—their roles. Kelsey would tell you that’s because of their shame.”

“And you?”

“It can be. I think more often, it’s privacy.” I chuckle. “Kelsey is an exhibitionist. She gets off on shocking other people—or trying to shock them.”

“True.”

“It doesn’t surprise me that she’s submissive. It keeps her from going off the rails with her adventures—gives someone the reins—if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t think I’m into reins.”

I laugh. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll return them in the morning.”

Cameron giggles and tightens her hold on me.

“Let me start the shower.”

“I just want to be close to you for a few more minutes.”

“We can stay here as long as you want,” I promise.

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