Page 29 of Canadian Boyfriend

Mike:I still don’t understand how you can like nuts in pie so much. I mean, pecan pie is better than no pie, but…

Aurora:Have you ever heard of butter tarts?

Mike:Yeah, but how have you?

Oh crap. I had discovered the existence of the Canadian pastry known as a butter tart years ago in my research.

Mike:I’ve never met an American who’s heard of butter tarts. I don’t know why, because they’re amazing. Like pecan pie without the pecans. There are actually a lot of Canadian desserts that for some reason have never crossed the border. Have you ever heard of Nanaimo bars? Iconic Canadian sweet.

That made me think ofThe Nutcracker.

Aurora:One year I was a candy cane inThe Nutcracker. There are all these dances inspired by sweets from different countries in that ballet. There should have been a Nanaimo bar dance.

Mike:So you could dress like candy but not eat it.

Oof. This was what I liked about Mike Martin. He wasn’t making a big deal about my food problems, but he wasn’tignoring them, either. He managed to telegraph this radically nonjudgmental vibe, but sometimes he made really wise—but still nonjudgmental—observations that… invited me to confide in him.

Aurora:You want to know what’s even more screwed up? One year, the school had a fundraiser and we were all assigned Nutcracker-themed treats to make. I had marzipan. I went home and made it as assigned, but I didn’t taste it. Not even one bite. I was really hoping to get cast as Clara, which is the lead role. Instead, I got cast as a mouse. I should have tried the marzipan.

Mike:It’s not too late. Except… I think marzipan is actually kind of disgusting.

Aurora:Haha.

Mike:I’m not kidding. You can do better than marzipan.

I was a little overcome by how kind he was, how he managed to strike exactly the right balance of humor and gravity when we talked about this stuff.

Mike:I’m going to make Nanaimo bars when I get back to town. I’m going to ask my mom for the recipe. Way better than marzipan.

My first instinct was to deflect. To tell him not to go to the trouble. But why? Why would I do that? Did I not think I was worth the trouble?

Aurora:I look forward to it.

“I’ve been thinking about Ian,” I said when Gretchen appeared at my door a week after the pie-ranking texting with Mike Martin.

“God. Why?” She dumped her bag and twirled into my empty living room. Her fondness for the space now that Ian—and all the furniture—was gone had grown, and she’d taken to coming over in the evenings to work on recital choreography, which was funny because she had a literal dance studio in which she could have done that.

But I wasn’t complaining. I loved having her here. I loved having her here without Ian around. And she was right. There was something oddly pleasing, and freeing, about dancing in my empty living room. It was like I was dancing my way into a new life. That wasn’t something I’d ever realized dance, or I, could do.

“Well, not just Ian,” I said. “I’ve been thinking about past boyfriends. About my romantic history in general.”

She sprawled on her back on the carpet. She looked like she was lying on the ground staring up at the stars instead of at my ugly popcorn ceiling. “What about it?”

“Well, things with Ian were fine, you know. Or at least I thought they were.”

“News flash. They were not.”

“What does that mean? You always made your feelings about Ian clear, but you never really saidwhyyou disdained him so much.”

“Let me count the ways.”

“OK.”

She lifted her head, surprised. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“I am.”

“It’s postmortem time, huh?”

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