Page 39 of Canadian Boyfriend

I was getting control of things a few minutes later when he appeared in the doorway of the studio I was hiding in—Gretchen had a small downstairs studio she used for private lessons. I was staring at myself in the mirrored wall, doing my tapping and taking deep breaths, when his reflection joined mine.

“I’m sorry,” I said, meeting his gaze in the mirror without turning.

He ducked under the lintel—the ceilings were low down here. “No reason to be sorry.”

I let my hands fall to my sides. “It’s soembarrassing.”

He took a step closer. “I don’t want to tell you how to feel, but I don’t think there’s any reason to be embarrassed. No one up there saw you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You did.”

“Right.”Click.One side of the smile appeared. “Well, I’mnot exactly the poster boy for mental wellness at the moment, am I?” The smile clicked off abruptly, and he took another few steps until he was right next to me. We were shoulder to shoulder, looking at each other in the mirror. “But even if I was, I would never judge you.” He was sogood. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to look away, to drop my gaze, but he was giving me the green kryptonite stare. “I think if you’re feeling embarrassed,” he went on, “it’s because you’ve been trained to, by the experiences you’ve had, or by the people in your life. But there’s no reason to be on my watch. Shit happens. Life is hard sometimes.”

I hugged him. It was either that or let him see me cry, because the tears that had threatened earlier werehere. Except no, that was the excuse I gave myself, and I wasn’t standing for my own bullshit right now. After that little speech of his, I knew he wasn’t going to care about a few tears. I hugged him because Iwantedto. Because what he’d said was so generous. The vehemence of his words stood in such juxtaposition to the tenderness of the sentiment they contained. And beyond what he’d said, it was alsohim, the rare and particular and wonderful combination of strength and gentleness that had produced this tall, gruff man with such a kind heart. I wanted to surround myself with all of that.

He obliged, wrapping his arms around me. We stood like that for a long time. I would have said we stood like that until embarrassment crept in, but I didn’t let it. It tried, but I thought back to him saying “Life is hard sometimes,” pulled away, and just said, “Thanks.”

“No problem. When I was on my way down here, Gretchen said to tell you she’d take the class if you need her to. Want to bust out and go for ice cream?”

Did I ever. But I couldn’t. “Thanks, but no. If I don’t do this, it’ll turn into a bigger deal. I’m scheduled to take over two more of Riley’s old classes this coming week.” I looked at my watch. “But I have ten minutes, and I’m going to spend them down here.”

I was about to say he was excused, but he said, “OK,” and slid down the wall to sit on the floor with his back against the mirror. “So, ballet really did a number on you, eh?”

“Yeah.” I slid down, too. “I’ll tell you the whole sordid story sometime. I know I said that before, but ten minutes isn’t enough.”

“Is this related to crying on your mother’s doorstep?”

“Yep.”

“I look forward to hearing about it.”

“Really?”

“Are you kidding me? Someone else’s sordid story instead of my own? Hell yes.”

I chuckled. “The stupid thing is that those”—I pointed at the ceiling—“are children, and not very talented ones at that.” I winced. “Sorry.” He waved away my apology. “So what am I so afraid of?”

“Hey, now, children are terrifying. And have you met some of those mothers?” He whistled in an exaggerated way that made me laugh.

I looked at my watch again. “Let’s talk about something else. Something not ballet related.”

“What’s the story behind the name Aurora?”

“I’m actually named after a character in a ballet.”

“Oh crap, sorry. Ballet is everywhere, eh? And here I was thinking the northern lights. Aurora borealis.”

“I’ve never seen them. Always wanted to.”

“We see them sometimes in the winter at home.”

“It would be a cool thing to be named after. Maybe I’ll revise my origin story and tell everyone I’m named after the northern lights. Remember when we first met, you said my name sounded like a superhero?” Oh crap. Of course he didn’t remember that offhand comment.

“We were trying to think what your superpower was.”

He did remember. “You know how movies are always rebooting superhero franchises and pretending the past never happened? Maybe I can do that for myself.”

He chuckled, and after a few beats of silence said, “Your mom really named you after a ballet?”

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