Page 18 of Black Wave

I think about this and wonder if he bugged my house when we were dating and I initially trusted him in my home. Then it hits me. “When he asked for water, I went to the kitchen. When I returned with the water, he walked out the door, never drinking it. He was downstairs planting listening devices in my house.” I shake my head and place my hand over my face. “How could I have not realized it?”

“We will never know now, Emma, since the evidence is non-existent. Everything was destroyed in that fire.”

A tear escapes my eye, and I attempt to wipe it away quickly, but Uncle Andrés and Adrian notice it, although they don’t comment.

Keep it together, keep it together,I chant in my head, refusing to show weakness in front of my family.

This life doesn't allow for weakness, and I want to prove to my uncle that I can be strong and face whatever happens next. Except I am not strong. Evie was the strong one. I have to be strong like Evie, I think to myself.

“Does that mean I am safe for now, Uncle?” I take my thumb to bite my nail. It is a nervous tic I have had since I was a child.

Tio Andrés looks at me and nods. “For now, you are. It would be stupid for Julian to come across the border into my townand try to kidnap you. No one would be stupid enough to get involved and help him now.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Well, at least that makes me feel a little better.” I smile weakly at my uncle.

He frowns and then continues to tell me the truth. “You are safe for now, Emma, but not forever. Do I think he will forget about you and fixate on something or someone else? Not likely. His ego is bruised, and nothing is worse than a narcissist with a hurt ego. No, he will always be after you, but we must be smarter this time. Always be a step ahead.”

“Uncle, that doesn’t make me feel better.” I run a hand over my face and chuckle nervously. “So what’s the plan then?”

“We lay low for a while and let things settle.” He shares a look with Adrian. I don’t know what it means, but I don’t like it.

“What’s that look for, Tio?” I glance between them both, letting them know that I saw that awkward-as-fuck interaction and I want answers.

Uncle Andrés tugs at his goatee, rubbing the hairs between his fingers, contemplating his answer. I patiently wait, but I am starting to get nervous.

“What do you want to do with yourself now that you are done with high school?”

Well, that wasn’t what I thought he would say at all. I laugh out loud because surely he must be joking, right? When I see that he isn’t kidding, I stop and think about it.

“Before this happened, I wanted to attend college to be a nurse, like Mom, but I can’t foresee that happening now. If I leave here, I must worry constantly about Julian and can’t return home. He will find me and force himself on me. Besides, I don’t have a home there anymore.”

I hang my head down and hear the scraping of a chair before it topples over.

At my words, Uncle Andrés gets up abruptly with fists clenched at his side, walking over to me. “That motherfucker will never retake you and force himself on you against your will, you hear me? I will end his life, and consequences be damned, Emma.”

I startle at the outburst but know that my uncle has a bad temper, and I am lucky never to have been on the receiving end of it. I am his beloved niece, after all. “So what do you suggest, Tio?”

He touches my cheek and kisses the top of my head. He motions to Adrian, and he walks over to his father. “I will find a way to make your wish come true. We will wait it out, find a way for you to get your degree, and ensure your safety.” Just as quickly as he got up, he heads out of the patio with Adrian on his heels.

No one is around now, and I am left alone to my thoughts.Did Uncle Andrés mean what he said?I thought my college plans would be squashed now that I had this problem, but he seemed confident I could. Wow, to be a nurse was a dream, and now that my mom is gone, it would connect me with her to follow in her footsteps.Would she be proud of me?

I stand up, gather my pink frosted Mexican pastel and an empanada, and place them in a napkin for later. I see two men coming out of the brush toward the house, catching me off guard.Will I ever get used to this life?I understand why my mom kept us from it, but I can’t help but think this would have been normal if I had continued to stay here over the summers.

I decide to go back to my room and rest up, think about what my uncle said and if it is possible. I take the key out of my pocket and unlock my door. I close the door, and the click echoes through the hallway. I lock up again and replace the key in my pocket. I put my pastels on the table by my bed and take off my sneakers.

My hoodie crop top hides my tattoo, and the bright red of the colors catches my eye. I lift my sleeve to expose the tattoo and trace the pattern. Evie saw one Marilyn Manson had and showed me something similar. It was corny as fuck, but we laughed, and it was so us because we were always together as one in utero and in this life. Just like the ones on our forearms, forged hearts as she had called them, we stuck together.

The irony is not lost on me that my family died in a fire that night. Evie once said what is forged in all of us can only be created through fire. When something bad happens and causes everything you once believed in and loved to burn, I’d like to think that our spirits rise with an unbreakable strength amid the flames. The newfound strength helps to heal you during these intense periods of pain you feel because you miss them so much.

Our pain becomes a black wave—unrelenting. You become grateful for the pain, welcoming it because at least it is an emotion that makes you feel something again when you were once incapable of feeling anything else. With that, you learn to free yourself from the life-sucking hold it has and everything else that has cut you to the bone.

Perhaps it will give us peace when we know that even in the darkest of nights, when we cannot see our way out of the pain, we can trust that the love we shared is forging something stronger in our hearts, healing us. Something that cannot be broken by anyone who tries to hurt us, no matter how desperately they may try to do so.

My sister. My best friend. The ache in my heart intensifies when I think about all that Julian took from me. I just hope that he can feel what it's like someday to lose it all, and I will watch him burn.

CHAPTER 10

Emma

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