Page 70 of Stand

“Matt,” Alyssa begged.

“No, I’m serious.” Matt leaned forward and twisted his head to look at his father, blocking Ty’s view of Alyssa and Sam. “I think me and Lyss, of all people, know that things canalwaysget worse.”

He pointed to his eye.

“That was a mistake—” Ty began, but Matt smacked his hand on his seat.

“You’re doing it again!” He didn’t bother to lower his voice this time, and the rest of the group unabashedly turned to listen. Just like at Alyssa’s graduation. “We can stay with Uncle Noah as long as we like, but we’re gonna have to go back eventually, and she’ll find us again.”

Alyssa had moved a little closer to Sam. Ty sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “She’ll find us again anyway, bud. We’re not trying to remove ourselves from her life completely; we just need a little space for her to… to get her head on.”

“How long do we have to wait for that? Till I’m in college? Till Lyss is in college? Till she finally kills you?”

“Matt!”

Ty’s eyes flicked to their neighbors, who immediately looked away. As if they could pretend they hadn’t heard in this enclosed space. As if the injuries on their faces weren’t telling the story by themselves. There went the Cavanaughs again, living their problems in front of God and everybody.

“I’ve seen the stories, Dad. You can’t protect us from everything. It’s usually the guy, but I know how these things end. You’re just making her more mad.”

“That’s not howthisis going to end,” Ty said. “I promise you, Matt. I won’t let—”

“You won’t let,” Matt copied, making quotation marks with his fingers. “You can’t stop her, Dad. You never could. That’s the point.”

“He can sure the hell try,” Sam said unexpectedly. She turned to Matt a little, shielding Ty from his son’s sullen glare. “You know he’ll never stop trying, don’t you? What he wants is for you to have a relationship with your mom. It would be a lot easier for him if he gave up on that life, don’t you see? But he knows how important it is, and he’ll keep on trying until… well, until it works.”

“Until I’m old enough to get the hell away from her myself, you mean,” Matt said, unimpressed.

Ty let out a deep sigh and rested his head against the block wall behind his head. Maybe if he hit it with the back of his head enough times, he’d just disappear through it, like Homer Simpson through the hedge.

“Why does he keep trying?” Matt went on. Alyssa’s eyes were dinner plates, but she didn’t say anything. Matt was speaking for her too. “She’s nuts. There’s no way to have a ‘relationship’ with her. And she scares Lyss. It’s bad enough we have to live with the fact that either of us could go crazy any day now, without having to hang out every few days with the one who made us that way.”

“Honey,” Sam said gently. “Those names won’t help anyone. I’m sorry you have to think about that kind of stuff. But don’t give your dad a hard time. He’s doing what he thinks is best.”

“Well, he sucks at it.”

“Matt!” she said. Ty was surprised at the maternal authority in her voice.

Matt lowered his eyes and mumbled, “Well, you know what I mean.”

Something else hit the storm doors and scraped along them. Whatever it was made two clanging noises before the wind must have dragged it away. “Dad,” Alyssa whispered in horror, though she didn’t move from Sam’s arms.

Ty let his head go back to level. “Move,” he said to Matt, tapping the boy’s leg. Matt stood without complaint, and Ty swapped places with him so he could get to his daughter. Sam loosened her arms. Ty drew Alyssa to him. God, this beautiful, lanky, smart little girl. She was a teenager, but Ty would always see her as the small blond whirlwind who’d called on him to watch her go down the slide at the park.

“Sweetheart,” he said into her hair, and Alyssa gave him her weight the way she’d given it to Sam. “Matt’s right that I can’t always stop bad things from happening. I’ll fight like heck to stop them, but it won’t always work. But Icanpromise you thatIwillneverleave you. I’ll never just decide I don’t want to be here, because you kids are the most incredible gifts I was ever given, and a dad doesn’t forget that. I’llalwaysbe here when you need me. If anything ever goes wrong in your life, I want to be your safe place.”

He looked around at Matt, whose eyes were wide—well, one eye, anyway. “I told you if you ever got drunk and needed a ride, I’d give you one and I wouldn’t punish you. You remember that?” Matt nodded. “I don’t want you to drink at all, but kids are kids, and I know I can’t always protect you from idiots spiking your drink. But Icanprotect you from getting in a car with someone who’s drunk or high. And I won’t read you the riot act because I don’t want you to hesitate for asecondon whether or not I’m your safe place. Do you see?”

Matt nodded slowly, and Ty felt Alyssa nod against his chest. She shuddered; he knew she was hiding more tears. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

Then, because he wanted to say it, he looked at Sam. “Same goes for you, Indy. If you ever need anything—anything,” he repeated, because she’d opened her mouth in surprise, “call me. Whatever you need. Whenever.”

Sam looked at him for a long time. Her eyes were so dark he couldn’t look away. Could she tell? Could she read him as well as she had before? Did she know he was offering her a phone call because he couldn’t offer her his heart? And the only reason he couldn’t offer that was because she already had it, and she was about to disappear into the New Mexico mountains and take it with her?

Sam’s eyes flicked down to Alyssa and then back to him. “Right back at ya, Tyler.”

A beep from inside the room made them all jump again, and Ty lost eye contact with Sam.

“Coffee’s ready,” the farmer said sheepishly.

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