Page 54 of This Time It's Real
“Hey, kid,” Caz calls as she draws closer. “What are you doing here?”
I expect Emily to tell him off for calling herkid, the way she always does with me, but instead her face breaks into a wide grin. Then, even more surprisingly, she reaches out and does this complex handshake-slash-high-five thing with him in complete sync.
“What . . . what was that?” I manage, rubbing a stray flake of snow from my eyes.
“Our secret handshake,” Emily says, then points behind her to our apartment in the background. “Also, we saw you guys riding back just now, so Ma told me to bring you an umbrella. You’re very welcome.”
But I don’t reach for the umbrella. “Since when do you two have a secret handshake?”
“I was invited over to her drama class a few times the other week to give them acting tips,” Caz explains while my little sister nods along fast and gazes up at him with clear adoration. “We came up with it during the breaks.”
“What?”I repeat, much sharper than I intended. Didn’t Itellhim to leave my sister out of this?
Emily blinks at me, startled. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“I just— You’re not supposed to . . .” But before I can figure out how to tell her off without telling her everything, Caz’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
“Eliza.” He’s holding his hand out to me, waiting, and for an embarrassing second, I think he’s about to show me a secret handshake too, or even pull me into a hug. But then he gestures to the helmet on my head.
“Oh. Sorry.” I fumble with the clasps, but my fingers are so numb from the cold that even after three tries, I still can’t get the helmet off.
Emily shoots Caz a pointed look. “Well? Aren’t you going to help her? Like, isn’t that what boyfriends are for?”
My skin heats. “Oh, no, that’s really not—”
“No, she’s right,” Caz offers, stepping forward, amusement tugging at one corner of his lips. Already slipping into his model-boyfriend role. I stay very still as he bends down so that we’re at eye level, his cool, slender fingers finding the straps beneath my chin, our breaths pluming the frozen gray air between us, flecks of snow caught in his oil-black lashes.
But it takes him too long, or maybe it’s simply too quiet here, with the compound’s paths empty save for the security guards, because my heart starts racing as though we ran all the way back home.
And suddenly it’s too real for me. His nearness, his gaze, his secret handshake with my little sister when they aren’t even meant toknoweach other.Imight have accepted that I can’t help how I feel about him, that it might even be fine, so long as I never act on my feelings. But it’s no longer just my heart at stake. It’s Emily’s too.
I reel back so fast my hair catches on the clasp. I yank it off myself, ignoring the fresh sting of pain and Caz’s surprise.
“Thanks for the ride,” I babble, eager to escape. “And for—you know, all your help finding the bracelet. We should probably go home now—”
“Home?” Emily repeats. “What about Caz? Can he come with us?”
Panic jolts through me. “That’s—”
“Please?Pretty please?” she asks, turning her puppy-dog eyes on me. Damn it. The kid really knows what she’s doing. “We could introduce him to Ma; I bet she’s going to love him too. And we could even watch his dramas together. Oh my god—how cool would that be?”
No. Absolutely not.But the words are stuck in my throat, and to my horror, a scene unfurls in my mind of everything Emily is describing, tinted a soft gold at the edges like a dream sequence. Caz greeting my mother in the kitchen and sitting down on our couch, his arm draped around me while we turn on the TV—
To my surprise, Caz speaks up. “I’d really love that, kid, but . . . I actually have to head back to set this afternoon.” Even though he’s talking to Emily, his gaze is on me, a meaningful look in his eyes.He remembers, I realize. He remembers our conversation after the ti jianzi game: my worries, my warnings. “Maybe another time, okay?”
“Oh,” Emily says, wilting. And even though I shouldn’t, I feel an echo of disappointment too.
“Well, thanks again,” I tell Caz, taking Emily’s small, cold hand in mine and giving him an awkward wave with the other one. “And, uh, good luck with your shooting.” Then, instead of lingering like I want to, I take Emily back home, realizing as I do that it’s getting harder and harder to turn my back on Caz Song.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The days start speeding up the closer we get to the Lunar New Year holidays, as they tend to. More tedious classes pass. More tests, pointless homework assignments, lunches on the roof. More comments to wake up to, so many that I don’t have time to reply to them all.
Things with Craneswift have only gotten busier too. Now that I have a substantial following, Sarah’s pretty insistent on giving the masses what they want—which, in this case, happens overwhelmingly to be more blog posts about Caz’s job.
is that ok??I text Caz the next time he’s away shooting, feeling as always that odd lurch, half anticipation and half guilt, that comes whenever my internship demands something from the two of us.can I visit you on set?
There’s a pause before three small dots appear over the chat screen. Typing.Then they vanish. Appear again.
