Page 68 of A Chance to Believe

His world had changed, and it wasn’t only the babies. Cassie meant more to him than he’d dreamed, even in that first flush of time together when the twins were conceived. He would be grateful forever for the opportunity their conception had given him to mend the mistake he’d made by walking away.

He’d dozed off on the armchair in Cassie’s room when the night staff brought the two boys in for a feed, wheeling them in regular cribs, all bundled up in soft blankets.

Cassie blinked herself awake, looking a little startled when she noticed him sitting in the corner. ‘I thought you’d have gone home.’

‘I was in the nursery once we got rid of the family.’

‘Should I have seen them?’

‘You were out to the world and it was way past visiting hours. They got a look at the twins before they were kicked out. It was agreed on to let you rest, but they’ll be back tomorrow. Or later today, to be strictly accurate.’

The midwife helped Cassie with feeding Freddie while Aaron slumbered on. Shayne wondered how they would cope if both infants wanted to be fed at the same time. As if his thoughts had disturbed the little guy, Aaron started muttering and let out a strong wail.

The nurse looked up from writing her notes. ‘Would you like to pick him up, Shayne?’

He hesitated for only a moment before scooping up the squalling baby, resting him on his shoulder and patting the tiny body. It had been sixteen years, but maybe it was automatic, though he was pretty sure Kimberley had never been quite this small.

Whether it was surprise or the change of position, he quietened, hiccupping gently in Shayne’s ear. He smelled of fresh linen and a touch of something he recalled as sour milk. At the same moment, he felt the damp patch on his shoulder. ‘The blighter has perked up on me.’

‘Oh dear. I’m sorry.’ Cassie watched his manoeuvres to put a cloth over his shoulder without disturbing the baby too much with wide, curious eyes. Freddie was ignoring everything but his feed, one small hand patting Cassie’s bare breast. She adjusted her hold slightly. ‘You look like you’ve done that before.’

‘I thought I would have forgotten, but it must be like riding a bike. I did a lot of walking the floor with Kimberley once she was weaned, and Courtney left her with me for long periods while she followed the rodeo.’

The nurse left them alone, confident they could cope. Maybe they would. It was clear it would take two sets of hands and he knew all the changes he’d put in place to make it easier to be around the house more during these early months would be worthwhile.

They swapped out the babies once Freddie had his fill and Shayne took over burping him. ‘We make a good team.’

‘I guess we do. Thanks for staying and helping. In fact, thanks for everything. I don’t know how I would have gone with the labour without your support. Especially when things were dicey there.’

‘I wanted to be there. Not only for the babies’ birth, but for you. It was important to me to experience it with you.’

‘It was such an amazing feeling. Though I’m pretty sure I looked and sounded like a bright red helium balloon.’

‘You were amazing. Braver than I would ever be.’

‘I thought I was the coward here.’

Shayne gingerly sat down with a sleeping Freddie in the armchair. He studied his crumpled face, searching for the resemblances. ‘I’ve been a coward. Finding all the justifications in the world for not being honest with you.’

Cassie rested Aaron on her shoulder, giving him a break. He tired faster than his brother. ‘Isn’t that my line?’

‘I guess we’ve both been holding back. I should have told you I love you long ago, but I was afraid it would send you running. It never occurred to me it might be something you needed to hear.’

‘You love me?’

‘It was never about the babies, though I love them to bits. When you came to see me, I was so relieved because I didn’t have to make the first move.’

‘Did you want to?’

He laughed, a wry sound that hurt his throat. ‘I’ve pushed you about giving into your fear, but I was afraid too. Dead scared of being hurt again, knowing this time would mean so much more. It was only two weeks, but it felt like I’d known you forever, loved you right from that first night. That might seem extreme, but you were somehow right. The connection blew my mind. It was never only sex. Though that was great too.’

She coloured, still looking down at the sleeping Aaron. They were already distinctive personalities. He adjusted his hold on Freddie, sleeping placidly with his full stomach, waiting for Cassie to speak.

‘I never would have started anything if I’d thought there was any danger of it being more than sex. I told myself that’s all it was so I could indulge. I think I was kidding myself from the start. It wasn’t like me to go with a stranger. I didn’t live with anyone else after Brian’s accident. I didn’t want my privacy invaded. It never felt like an invasion with you.’

‘I won’t rush you, Cassie. It’s going to be full on with the twins. But I love you and want to spend my life with you, however that looks. Partners, co-parents, lovers. Whatever works for you.’

Her eyes met his, a little crease at the corners matching the upward curve of her lips. ‘Do you think Dawn will let you get away with an informal arrangement?’

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