Page 18 of For I Have Sinned
The anger at this whole stupid establishment. Still, I fell to my knees in my room at the edge of my bed. My bed that was covered in both our cum and sweat. In my small room, where I could still hear his cries of pleasure echo off the bare walls. I could still feel his touch on my skin.
On my knees, my mouth mindlessly repeated some prayer of penance as I let the hollow words bring peace to my head. Clear the thoughts. Let my body enter into a state of meditation.
But that didn’t last long. As soon as mass was over, I left the Church and headed straight for Zaiden, where I fucked him again on his bed. And now he’s feeding me breakfast.
He sighs happily behind me. I smile, knowing I make him feel that way. But my smile fades because I know this can’t keep happening. This isn’t the kind of relationship he deserves. To be with a fake man of God who can’t give him anything real. I can’t let anyone know. This is all hidden behind closed doors. It’s a secret and will always remain that way.
Zaiden must know that. He’s a smart man. But if he does, he doesn’t say anything. He never brings it up.
I try to. Often. But I don’t try too hard because I know when I finally say something, that’s going to be the end of this. And neither of us is ready for that.
It’s going to hurt and I’m not ready to deal with that kind of pain. For either of us.
That day comes sooner than I thought it might, though. I’m becoming too reckless. Doing things like inviting him to sneak into the Church, we hook up there wherever I can sneak him in. I’m trying like hell to convince myself it’s because I need him too badly to keep my hands off him. But I think we both know there’s something else twisted in my mind that’s driving this need.
Zaiden doesn’t question me. He comes when I ask him to and he gives me his body to please wherever I push him to hide. He’s quiet, learning to contain his shouts of pleasure. His whines and his moans and every other seductive noise he makes.
But I can see the question in his eyes when I tell him to meet me at the Cathedral and where. When. He knows I’m spiraling. He knows I’m losing my grip. There’s worry in his gaze but he nods, giving me what I desire.
I’m waiting for him to show up today. Waiting in the shadows of the main floor, just inside one of the doors at the back of the pulpit, where I have a clear view of the doors outside. Waiting to see him.
My dick is already straining. Aching. I palm it impatiently, cursing myself for letting my body get this out of control. That’s why I’m so insistent on Zaiden coming to me. So I can let my body have its moment of weakness and then continue to dedicate my life to this bullshit.
That’s why. That’s what this is about.
Abomination.
I scowl as the word echoes in my head. Movement in the sanctuary catches my attention and my eyes dart right. Father Dallon is cleaning the dais. Slowly, methodically running a cloth over it. I know it’s damp with holy water and then followed with oil.
Trying not to roll my eyes, I turn back to the door and my heart jumps. Zaiden is standing just inside, looking around warily. I lick my lips and realize he’s uncomfortable with this. He glances up at the cross and sighs as he slinks away.
Stepping back further, I wait for him. Staring into the dim hall, I see nothing until I see him. He smiles immediately, but I can’t erase the look of wariness I just witnessed from my mind.
“Hi,” he whispers, coming straight into my arms.
I hold him tightly, feeling my feet hang over the edge of a well. Knowing I’m about to fall. I won’t be able to pull myself back up. Once I fall, I’m gone. Drowning.
“Hi,” I whisper in return. For a minute, I do nothing but hold him to me.
Then my body can’t take the way it’s burning from the inside. I pull him back and we stumble into a closet. From past experiences, I know the door doesn’t latch completely. There’s no lock. “You ready?” I ask in his ear as I lick at his exposed skin.
Zaiden nods. He grabs my face and kisses me hard. Greedy. Desperate. The same way he always kisses me. There’s something else there too. Something new. It hurts to taste and feel, but I’m not sure what it is.
He turns, bracing his hands on the wall as I shove his pants down. And then mine follow. With his pants around his thighs, he can’t spread his legs as wide as usual, so when I push my dick between his cheeks, he’s already gripping me hard.
His body tenses in anticipation. Shakes with need. I reach around to grip his dick and realize it’s still covered. Lifting his shirt, I find he’s wearing a jockstrap, giving me full access to his ass while containing his cock.
A growl low in my throat makes me press my chest into his back.
“You like it?” he asks shyly.
I nod, pushing the head of my cock to his tight, lubed hole. He certainly is prepared for me. Came well slicked and ready. “So damn sexy,” I growl in his ear.
“I thought it would contain my mess a little,” he said and then gasps before he can stop himself as I breach his hole.
The strangled, choked noises he tries to keep in have my blood boiling as I slide into his tight ass. I groan quietly, burying my face in his hair and breathe him in deeply. I grip him tightly, one hand around his chest and the other squeezing his dick through the thin fabric.
“You feel so fucking good,” I mutter. Giving neither of us time to adjust much, I begin fucking him steadily. I‘m enjoying the sounds he’s making, even with his fist in his mouth as he tries to stifle the noise. But he’s too loud today. Too needy. I just had him less than twelve hours ago, but he’s still so fucking horny for me.
