Page 104 of The Fool

His voice trails off when something catches his eye from out the front windscreen. He takes hold of my hand, looking concerned all of a sudden. When I follow his line of sight, I find myself staring at the boy who I once loved with childlike innocence and naivety. He looks destroyed, and although he caused me so much pain, I know I need to end this once and for all.

“You want me to sort this?” Nate asks, looking at him with both anger and pity.

“Not this time, Nate,” I tell him, still staring at Dean’s dejected expression. “I need to do this…alone.”

“How did I know you were going to say that?” he says before sighing heavily. “I will be right here, ok?”

“Ok,” I whisper, bracing myself to tie up all of my loose ends.

Dean physically braces himself when I finally step outside the car, all the while Nate glares at him from behind the windscreen. I know he would dearly love to go and give him a piece of his mind, but I respect him for letting me do this. Ultimately, this all began with him and me, and now I need to end it with just us two.

As I slowly pace up toward him, he stuffs his hands inside his jeans’ pockets and sinks his head down, with his shoulders naturally rising as he does so. He’s back to being a teenager after we had had a fight, for which he is trying to apologize. Unfortunately for him, it won’t work this time. There is no resolution, just an ending.

“Dean,” I finally utter, causing him to flinch. “Why are you here?”

“I dunno,” he laughs without mirth as he runs his hand over his hair. “My wife’s inside, but the woman I’m in love with is right in front of me; I guess I just felt like I needed to be here.”

“You hurt both of us, Dean,” I tell him plainly. “Hurt you can’t come back from. There is no you and me, not since you made the decision to take my sister to bed with you.”

“I was scared, Bea, a scared little boy,” he tries to argue. “I’m not that guy anymore.”

“You’re a guy who stayed with my sister and married her, even though you claim to be in love with me,” I state with incredulity in my voice. “You are exactly the same guy. Scared of what you might not have. Screwing someone over to get the best possible outcome for yourself. How could you possibly think I would forgive you after what you did to me?”

“Truthfully, I didn’t,” he replies sheepishly, “but if I didn’t try, I’d always regret it.”

“Dean, you have an awful lot of things to be regretful of,” I level with him, “not asking me to run off with you when you’re engaged to my sister shouldn’t be one of them.”

“You really happy with that guy?” he asks, jutting his chin in the direction of Nate with a sneer on his face. “Doesn’t seem like your type at all.”

“What would you know about my type after all these years? I learned very quickly that my ‘type’ wasn’t someone who was going to be good for me. My ‘type’ brought me to my knees, to the point whereby I could only see vodka and packets of painkillers as a way out of the hell he had helped to put me through.”

“So, you’re blaming me for trying to commit suicide? Come on, Bea, that’s not fair; you made that choice yourself.”

I ignore the knot of anger in my gut, for this proves Dean still only thinks about himself. There’s no arguing with him, for he can only see what happened to me as something he’s now having to work through. He has no empathy for me, it’s still all about him.

“No, Dean, I’m not blaming you,” I tell him with a smile. “But being around you, and letting you into my life, is not what’s good for me, Dean. Whether I blame you or not, the fact remains, the way I let you make me feel was extremely dangerous for me. You can think as you wish, blame me if you like, but as far as I’m concerned, you no longer exist in my world, and you never will. So, go, live in your world, and I will live in mine. Our paths no longer need to cross, and that can only be a good thing. I wish you well.”

“Emma might take me back,” he calls out when I turn to leave. I freeze for a moment or two before turning back to face him, still with a genuine smile.

“She might,” I agree with a shrug, “but I wouldn’t count on it. And in answer to your question, I am more than happy with ‘that guy’. He’s got what you so callously threw away – all of me. I hope you find that with someone one day, though I honestly don’t think it will be with Emma. You can only be as happy as I am when you truly love that person. I hope, for her sake, you don’t try and convince her that you do. Let her find someone who really deserves her. Goodbye, Dean.”

He doesn’t say anything else, just turns and slumps away, still with his shoulders hunched up to his ears. I watch for less than a minute before returning to my new world and the man who brought me back to life.

“You ok, baby?” he asks with a smile that makes me feel warm inside.

“More than ok,” I reply. “My past is finally behind me.”

“Good, because I’ve got plans for our very near future,” he says before kissing me gently on my lips. “It involves me worshiping you.”

“I like the sound of that. Take me home, Mr Carter.”

Epilogue

Bea

6 months later

“I don’t know if I want the big, white wedding,” I tell the girls who are sitting around the table. “I loved the idea of what you and Cam did,” I say to Lily, who is now heavily pregnant. “It was so romantic!”

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