Page 26 of The Fool

“Dude, your house is not at all like your old place,” James observes, still looking around in awe. “For starters, it’s clean…like, obsessively clean.”

“I know,” I laugh, thinking back to when I had lived with my friends, a time I sometimes miss. Back then, I couldn’t wait to have my own space, but now I have so much of it, it feels empty.

“So, you have a top-notch job, a fancy pants home, you’re a Carter, and you look like a magazine model,” he laughs at me, “tell me, you poor dear, what’s making you act like a tool?”

“Why did I invite you back here again?” I tease as we take a seat on my leather couch. He laughs at me but soon turns serious again, silently telling me to get on with it. “I guess I feel like I’m living two lives at the moment – the fun-time guy who I used to be and the guy who is forever trying to catch up with my big brother.”

“So, the fool who’s there to entertain everyone else, and the hard-ass boss who’s trying to live up to a certain standard?”

“Exactly!” I gasp, relieved to have someone who gets it.

“And you don’t feel like you’re either one,” he says like he can read my mind. In fact, he’s saying it better than I ever could. “Shit, Nate, that must be exhausting.”

“That’s not the worst of it, James,” I admit, taking in a mouthful of coffee because what I’m about to say is hard for me to admit out loud. “I’m so lonely, I’ve begun to question what the point of it all is.”

“Nate, you’ve got really good friends, and this perfect family from what I hear, so why can’t you talk to them?”

“Because I sound like a whiney bitch with first-world problems. You said so, yourself, what have I got to feel sad about? Besides, no one ever takes me seriously.”

“Well, first off, everyone’s problems are important to them, no matter who you are. Yes, there are many people who are worse off than you, but that doesn’t make your problems go away. If something’s broken, you don’t just ignore it because your neighbor’s got something even bigger that’s broken.”

“True,” I reply, nodding along because what he’s saying does make sense.

“And as for taking you seriously, the first person who saw you as someone serious, you treated like crap. You can’t have it both ways, Nate, you can’t want someone to treat you like fun Nate but also fear you at the same time.”

“I don’t want Beatrice to fear me, I just wanted her to treat me like she respected me; someone who was worth talking to.”

“What made you think she didn’t?” he asks with a curious look on his face.

“When we first met, she could barely look at me, talked about me having a reputation for being a party boy, and how it was so great that I was now working for my brother. Then she ran off before I could even tell her how I liked my coffee,” I explain. “I tried to be friendly, but she was having none of it.”

“You’re her boss, Nate, she was bound to be nervous of you,” he laughs. “Dude, you read far too much into it. She was apprehensive when she met me tonight, as well as the barman, and she really liked him!”

My jaw involuntarily tenses up over the thought of her liking him, of them dancing together the way they were, of him placing his hands and lips all over her. My fists are now clenched, and I feel inexplicably hot and bothered.

“What’s this?” James says, gesturing to my constipated-looking expression. “Why are you clenching your ass together?”

“I am not clenching my ass together!” I snap, causing him to laugh at me.

“Yes, you are,” he says with incredulity, “you’re all clenched up like one of those musclemen trying to lift a car or something. Nathaniel Carter, you like your PA, and rather than face it, you’ve been a complete asshole to her. Jesus, Carter, that’s funny!”

“I haven’t always liked her, I really did dislike her in the beginning,” I pout like a miserable teenager, “but I guess I’ve been getting to know her a little, seeing her as a person. She’s sparked my interest, that’s all. I mean, she’s always been hot, but I couldn’t see beyond the way she treated me.”

“Nate, I think you win first prize for treating someone badly, I can’t feel sorry for you over that one. However, what I will say is this, Beatrice Summers is not the snooty mean girl you think she is. In fact, she reminds me of Lily when I first met her; she even reminds me of your sister. That girl has a past, and her acting shy and unwilling to show you her true self is more about that than what she thinks of you. Not that you could blame the poor girl for thinking you’re an ass, you kind of have been.”

“Shit, I know,” I sigh with frustration.

“Perhaps you should talk to her about all of this,” he suggests with a shrug, “tell her how you really feel.”

“God, no! Are you insane?” I look at him in horror over his seriously bad idea. “I’m her boss and I need to maintain distance. Perhaps you’re right about me taking it too personally though. I guess I could arrange a meeting so we can clear the air; I’ll admit that before her, I’d never really been anyone’s boss before. Jack was more of a guide to the company than my employee. But I’ll promise to try and be a better one. How about that?”

“Well, yeah, that is the least you can do,” he says with a shake of his head. “I’d do it soon though. If you had been my boss, I would have gone to HR before now. That or punched you in the face.”

“Gee, thanks,” I laugh sadly. “Let me get through the wedding of the year first, then I’ll fix it. Until then, I’ll keep my distance and try not to be such a dick.”

“That might be a challenge for you, Nate,” he teases.

Insulting though he is, I’m glad I’ve had this talk to clear things up inside of my head.

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