Page 28 of The Fool

“ButI’mnot!” he cries out, silencing me with just those three words and with what looks like tears in his eyes. “I can’t forget about seeing you that night, or even the shaky, slurred voice on the end of that telephone call. You literally died, Bea, they had to revive you. I was in the room next door having to listen to the beeping of your heart monitor running solid. I can’t forget it, Bea, I still have nightmares about it. I love you so much and none of us were there for you, none of us even knew there was a problem, you kept it so well hidden. And I just worry that if I’m not here, keeping an eye on you, being here for you, then it could happen again.”

“Ben,” I whimper while reaching out for him, “I am so sorry. You were the only one I could think to call, the only one I could rely on. But I shouldn’t –"

“Don’t you get it, Bea? Yes, you should have! I just wish you had come to me sooner.” He takes my outstretched hand and pulls me against his warm body and hugs me so tightly, I know just how painful this is for him. “I’m not ready to leave you alone yet, not when there is still some doubt in my mind. I will not lose you, sis, never!”

“Ok, ok,” I try to soothe him, “ok. I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too,” he mumbles against my hair. “Though, I’ll deny it if you tell anyone.”

“Idiot,” I laugh.

“Now,” he says, pulling back to look at me, “are you gonna go?”

I notice my phone flashing a message at me from an unknown number so tap the button to open it.

I better see you there today! No excuses, beautiful. James x

His message makes me smile and I give myself a silent talking-to before I give Ben a nod. It’s time to prove to my brother that I can survive without him, that I’m not ever going to make him worry like that again. He deserves it after everything he’s done for me.

Chapter 10

Bea

It took me thirteen minutes of staring at the church from where the taxi had dropped me off to have enough courage to walk in. As expected, the place was full to the brim with family, friends, and colleagues, the sight of which almost had me running back out again. However, I remembered the memory of Ben’s terrified face and forced myself to continue walking inside.

Once through the door, I immediately sidestep so I’m out of the way of the aisle, then have a look around for somewhere discreet to stand. My ‘date’ is the head bridesmaid so I can’t exactly sit with her, but, to my relief, I soon feel an arm slip through mine and with a familiar voice to go with it.

“You are lucky you are here, Miss Summers, because I was about to get in my car to come and get you,” James tells me with his handsome smile in place.

We walk up the aisle, getting closer and closer to the front where the close family usually sit. I keep looking back at those sitting behind us, unable to comprehend how or why I am being led in front of them.

“James, where are we going?” I whisper, just before he directs us into a pew that is right behind the one at the very front. “I can’t sit here, I’m not family!”

“Neither am I, but that doesn’t mean I’m not important,” he says with a smug smile on his face. “My boyfriend couldn’t make it so that means you’re sitting with me.”

“Ok,” I reply slowly, not being at all convinced by this. He laughs softly before gesturing for me to sit down next to an older man who has so much facial hair, you can’t tell if he’s smiling or grimacing.

“Beatrice, may I introduce you to Mick; Mick, this is Bea,” James says, and we shake hands.

James goes on to explain that Mick used to own the bar that he now runs, then we talk about Mick’s retirement, and how he plans to travel around the country. He seems friendly enough, and strangely comforting, even with all the facial hair and expletives that escape from his mouth after every other word. I soon recognize the different shapes of his moustache and whether they mean he’s smiling, grimacing, or simply looking straight-faced. It’s as though it has its own morse code.

The two of them distract me for a while and I hardly notice the church filling up even more so than before. In fact, it isn’t until a lady, who the boys call Jane, appears before me, that I realize the church is virtually full. She smiles kindly at me while James introduces us, her as the mother-of-the-bride, and me as his friend. I can’t help blushing when he calls me that. I learned a long time ago to appreciate real friends; friends that would never turn their back on you, no matter what lies were being spread about you.

About ten minutes later, I watch Cameron and Nathaniel walking down the aisle to take their places at the altar. God, they must be the sexiest brothers I’ve ever seen; Lily is a very lucky lady. She bagged the brother who has both the looks and the personality. Thinking that has me feeling a little guilty, for I’m sure Nathaniel will make some lady very lucky too, one day. After all, he has the potential to be just as lovely as Cameron, just not with me.

I watch the family coming together, with Cameron’s mother fussing over his tie and suit, dabbing at her eyes every now and then, before returning to flustering over her baby boy. Nathaniel is silently giggling from the side, looking entirely smug and just as a little brother should when his older sibling is being embarrassed by their parents. Their father then comes up to shake hands with them both, and they turn serious all of a sudden. Even Cameron makes himself a little smaller in this man’s presence. It’s extremely fascinating to watch, though not as interesting as when their sister, Helena, comes up behind her parents, but very much keeps to her mother’s side, and with her eyes always diverted away from her father. He smiles at her, but she doesn’t return it. He even reaches out to help her into her seat, but she flinches before he can make contact. Once she turns her back on them, he looks at their mother, appearing confused over his daughter’s reaction to him. She says nothing, just shakes her head before going to sit beside their daughter.

But that’s not all, for as soon as Helena is sitting, she looks up at her brothers. Nathaniel offers her a warm, brotherly smile, one that reminds me of Ben when he’s looking at me. It’s the first time she displays something that at least resembles a smile, but then it vanishes the moment Cameron and her lay eyes on one another. Something passes between them – hurt, guilt, the loss of a relationship that was once there. It’s sad. Heartbreaking in fact.

When the wedding march finally begins, I drop my gaze from them, and we all stand to face the doors. Callie is the first to walk in, wearing a purple knee-length dress that is simple and elegant. Behind her, walks a girl in her early teens, and with the same beautiful dark hair as Helena; this must be her daughter, Jess. Then, a woman with the same hair color as Lily walks in, and I’m guessing she’s Lily’s sister, Rachel.

After that, we begin to hear gasps of awe, signaling the arrival of the bride. Like nearly everyone else in here, I instinctively begin to crane my neck, trying to get a glimpse of Lily in her dress. But then I remember to look at the groom, just like people tell you to do, for this is when you’ll see his true reaction. The man is positively beaming with a smile that is so beautiful, it has me feeling a little emotional. To his side, his best man, Nathaniel, rolls his eyes but is smiling proudly as he does so. He looks genuinely pleased for both his brother and sister-in-law to be.

Lily begins to ascend the aisle with her father, a man who looks a little awkward from all the pairs of eyes on them. Their physical contact appears unnatural. They’re obviously a family who doesn’t hug and kiss at any given opportunity. Come to think of it, Lily rarely offers physical contact unless it’s with Cameron. I can appreciate that.

The bride looks absolutely stunning in a floor-length, lace gown. It’s a halter-neck white dress with a train and a simple veil. Her hair is long and curled, with a small section pinned to the side with a few flowers. She looks stupidly happy while her eyes remain firmly fixed on Cameron’s equally stupid happy face. As soon as she reaches him, he wastes no time pulling her into his arms so he can kiss her. The crowd begins to laugh over their rather passionate embrace that breaks with tradition, prompting her to pull back with an obvious blush on her cheeks. While the minister grins at the happy couple, I cannot help but feel a pang of jealousy; will I ever have someone feel that way about me?

I try and shake it away, to be here for the couple rather than focusing on myself, so look at the best man, who is sure to snap me out of my romantic slump. However, when I do, I see that he is looking right at me, just like he did last Saturday evening. And just like then, I cannot make out what the hell his goal is. With little else I can do in the middle of a silent church, I decide to look right back at him, remaining expressionless and defiant, daring him to make the next move. After a few moments, he quirks up the side of his lips, then looks back at the happy couple. I decide to take this as a win, even if I’m the only one who sees it that way.

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