Page 55 of The Fool

“Ben, you have to let me go sometime; I am not that girl who you found in that motel room anymore. Please, you have to trust me at some point. Yes, I called Leah, but most girls would have called a friend in that situation. It doesn’t mean I’m slipping, Ben.”

“You never said anything back then, Bea, and it keeps me up at night wondering if you’re doing the same thing."

“I do tell you everything, Ben, I promise you, but if you keep making choices for me, I’ll be too afraid to.”

“You sound like Leah,” he grumbles.

“Well, perhaps, instead of arguing with her, you should listen,” I murmur, rubbing at my arm to try and soothe myself. He looks at me in such a way I’m not sure if he’s thinking about my words or just angry with me for siding with his girlfriend.

“I’m beat, I’m going to lie down,” I tell him, and he nods, looking sad and defeated.

“Hey, Bea,” he says when I turn away, freezing in my steps before facing him again. “No matter what, I love you. And remember what Sonia said, remember that my life would only be half as full without my baby sister in it.”

His words undo me, release the lump in my throat, and force me to run over and wrap my arms around him, all the while having to stand on my tiptoes to reach his shoulders. He wastes no time in hugging me back so tightly, I cry even harder against his shuddering chest.

“I love you too.”

_____

Bea

By the time I finish crying, I feel hollow, and my head hurts so much, I can’t stop thinking about everything and everyone. It’s a feat I cannot even hope to achieve. I know Ben is trying to protect me, but I need him to see that what happened is in the past. I was in a bad place, but I don’t think like that anymore. I’ve moved on, but I guess Ben hasn’t. I feel bad for what I put him through, but I can’t keep paying for it forever. As for Nathaniel, I don’t know what to think so choose not to. Besides, after Ben’s confrontation, I suppose it matters very little.

“Bea, I’m heading out to try and work things through with Leah,” he says with a heavy sigh, so I pull a face to show some sort of sympathy for him. “I’ll be back by nine.”

“Ben, you don’t need to tell me when you’ll be back like you’re my parent; I’m a grown woman,” I tell him softly. “I’m not going to do anything, ok?”

“I’m trying to be, Bea,” he says sadly.

He takes in a deep breath, as if trying to psyche himself up over his impending argument with Leah, then eventually leaves. To be honest, it’s a relief. Sometimes I need the silence and alone time, probably because I had so much of it during those hard years. Back then, having few friends made me feel lonely and worried, but now I can embrace the loneliness. Some might call that social anxiety; I call it comfort.

My phone pings through a text message, the sound of which still causes a twinge inside my gut. I don’t think I’ll ever shift that feeling. The sound of a notification will always be a trigger for me. This time especially; is it Nathaniel or Callie texting to curse me for letting Ben loose?

Hey, Hun, I was going to text earlier but thought you might need some time. How are you, babe? C x

I’m so relieved by her words, her genuine concern, and hints of affection, a lump forms inside of my throat.

I’ve been better. I am so sorry about Ben, I didn’t phone him, I phoned Leah. It was never my intention for him to come in and lose his shit. Was he awful?

He was pretty brutal, but I’m not gonna lie, he totally turned me on! C x

Callie, eww, he’s my brother!

I say how I see it. As for Nate, he totally deserved it. I knew it, Ben knew it, but more importantly, Nate knew it. I didn’t even need to put him in time out, he put himself there. C x

I can understand where he was coming from, it must have been a shock. It’s not something I’m proud of, Callie, you have to believe that.

Bea, we all know that. Now about your resignation…please don’t be angry.

Sensing my anxiety beginning to rear its ugly head over her last message, I gulp back a lump of fear and call her. Fortunately, she answers after the first ring.

“Callie, what have you done?” I ask with dread in my voice, to which she laughs nervously.

“I called Cam,” she replies bluntly.

“Callie, no! He’s on honeymoon, for goodness’ sake. How much did you tell him?”

“Kind of everything. I decided this counted as an emergency,” she says as I slap my hand over my face. “Lily heard too, and she agreed that they need to come home.”

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