Page 81 of The Fool

“Don’t be ridiculous, Nate, of course, you should be there if your family needs you. But…she is ok, isn’t she?”

“Not really…but she will be,” I try to convince myself as much as her. “We’ll make sure of that.”

“Nate, please don’t worry about me and this stupid wedding,” she says softly, “I’ll be fine. Some things are more important, and Helena obviously needs you right now.”

“But you need me too,” I sigh.

“Nate, I’ve managed this long on my own,” she laughs, but her words only make me feel worse. “I’ll call you tomorrow when it’s all over.”

“Ok,” I concede with a sorry sigh, “but call me before if you need to. Don’t ever worry about calling me, Bea, whenever, I will always answer your call.”

“I know,” she says with a smile in her voice. “Bye.”

“Bye, baby.”

“Shit!” I huff while clutching hold of the bridge of my nose between my finger and thumb.

Sitting in Cam’s family-style kitchen, staring at my phone, all I can think is what an asshole I am. Feeling torn between supporting my family or supporting Bea, I have no idea what to do for the best. I only ever had the intention of attending that wedding with her this weekend, protecting her from those who brought her to her knees when she was still learning about what love is meant to be, and how it’s supposed to feel. But, as it turns out, Bea wasn’t the only girl who was brought to her knees when she was barely entering into adulthood.

Helena.

Fuck, my own sister who I’ve been living alongside my entire life. Cam and I both failed to see beyond the surface, to dig deeper when she was so obviously dying on the inside. We’ve both had a role to play in what’s happened to her over the years. So, yes, I am still an asshole, no doubt about it.

Chucking my cell across the breakfast bar in frustration, I make no attempt to face my big brother when he enters the room, looking as wiped out as I feel. His anger seems to have dissipated a little but he’s still on edge. Lily went to bed about an hour ago; she refused to leave him before being convinced that he had calmed down.

“Hey,” he lets on a long, sad sigh. He doesn’t wait for me to respond before reaching up to the top cupboard to grab a bottle of brandy and two glass tumblers that were part of a wedding gift from our aunt. “What a fucking shit night!”

“Mmm,” I mumble, running my finger over my bottom lip in thought. “You think she’ll be ok?”

“Who knows?” he replies with a sad shrug before sliding into the chair next to mine. “The whole situation is fucked up, Nate. I’ve been angry with her all this time, and it turns out I’m the one who’s been the shit brother. How could I not have noticed?”

“You and me both, Cam.”

I give him a sympathetic look to show him we’ve both missed the obvious signs over the years. He merely plays with his glass while shaking his head over it all, after which, we sit in silence, both lost in our thoughts.

“Cam, I have a bit of a situation,” I begin, closing my eyes while bracing myself for his reaction to what I’m about to say. “I gotta be somewhere tomorrow.”

“Perfect timing, Nate, as always,” he mutters sarcastically, his teeth clenching in frustration. “Where have you so desperately gotta be?”

“Bea’s sister’s wedding tomorrow.” I’ve explained the situation to him, so hope to God he understands why I’ve got to be there.

“Oh,” he replies almost straight away, releasing his tension and looking up at me in surprise. “I mean, yeah, course you’ve gotta go.”

“Really?” I laugh at him, pleasantly surprised by his change of heart. “Cos I could have sworn you were about to take a pop at me for merely suggesting such a thing.”

He clears his throat before answering, laughing in such a way that suggests he was clearly thinking about it just now.

“Yeah, but if all this shit has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t let down the ones you love. I know what she means to you, Nate, so don’t leave her at the mercy of that situation all alone.”

“Do you think Hels will understand? I can’t help but feel even worse for waltzing off in her hour of need,” I level with him. “You know, ‘Hey, sis, sorry you went through years of shit but I’m off to a wedding with my girlfriend’.”

“I think her real hour of need passed by a long time ago,” he sighs, “we were just too self-absorbed to notice. Plus, no offense Nate, but she won’t miss you at the moment. I’m sure she has plenty of other things on her mind.”

“And what about you? I kind of feel shitty for leaving you in the middle of all this too.”

Cam has always been the head of the family, after my father, that is. However, now Dad is out of the picture, I worry Cameron is going to feel the enormity of the situation weighing down on his shoulders. For the first time in years, he looks… exhausted. He’s got his own family to think about; it’s time for me to step up, to let him know he has my support no matter what.

“Cam, don’t take the burden of everything yourself, let me be a part of this,” I tell him, hoping he can hear the sincerity in my voice.

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