Page 96 of The Fool

“Firstly, thank you, and secondly, why not?”

“Because the being ‘ready for it’, as you so eloquently put it, I’ve never felt that way with Leah. Neither has she, she recently admitted. We got together not long before Bea ran away from home. We both became honorary parents to her, or at least a big sister on her part. She’s stayed with me for the same reason I’ve refused to move out – Bea. We both love that girl, sadly, more than we love each other.”

“She is lovable, no matter how hard you try to fight it,” I laugh, thinking back to my behavior when I was her boss, and how stupid I was. “You gonna stay friends?”

“I don’t know,” he replies with a grimace. “Surely, being friends with an ex can’t be anything other than a recipe for disaster.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Callie is one of my best friends,” I admit, “couldn’t imagine her not being in my life. And I can honestly say, there’s not a hint of sexual tension between us, no matter how much she likes to joke about it.”

“You dated?”

“Many years ago, before I went to work at Medina,” I tell him, deciding to be totally transparent about my past. “Been friends ever since.”

“I bet that was fun,” he says before swigging back his coffee. “She seeing anyone?”

“Why?”

“Future reference,” he replies with a smirk. “Perhaps when you and Bea are living together. That’s if Bea agrees to it of course. Because her turning you down is the only reason she won’t, not because of any of this. Trust me, Bea’s a fighter and a winner, even if she doesn’t know it.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him before settling back in my chair to await the moment I can finally go and see her.

Chapter 32

Nate

When Bea’s parents finally return, all bleary-eyed and puffy cheeks, I brace myself for what I’m going to find when I finally go and face the love of my life lying in a hospital bed. Her father walks up to me and smiles sadly before patting me on the shoulder, as if silently wishing me luck. He then walks up to his son and offers him a hug, which I’m pleased to say, Ben reciprocates. I sigh heavily and begin walking toward the elevator where the same nurse from before smiles and shows me inside.

For the most part, we stand in silence, just watching the numbers light up one by one as we move up toward the upper levels of the building. They seem to move at a snail’s pace, so much so, I’m overcome with a sudden urge to get to her. My feet begin to rock back and forth at the same time as I fist my hands. Panic descends on me; the confines of this metal box making me sweat and lose my breath. I’m about to freak out when the doors open to finally let us out. I make a hasty exit before emitting a long-held breath.

“You ok?” the nurse asks as he places a hand over my shoulder. “She’ll just look like she’s sleeping.”

Being grateful for his reassurance, I nod and straighten myself up, putting on a show of confidence, even though I feel anything but. He smiles with sympathy, and we begin walking down the long corridor of machines that are hooked up to patients in their private rooms. Loved ones are huddled over their sleeping bodies; some with tears, some with long sighs, some passed out through sheer exhaustion. The fact that I’m here to see Bea seems surreal; it’s like I’m watching this on a TV screen.

“She’s in here,” the nurse declares as he gestures into a room in front of us.

I follow his arm into the room to see her hooked up to breathing apparatus, tubes, and beeping machines. A whole load of stuff of which I have zero understanding. It smells clinical and is so overpowering, I can no longer smell her usual scent of coconut shampoo. Her skin looks sallow, devoid of any color, apart from the deep purple bruising and crimson cuts from her superficial wounds. I take special note of her chest rising up and down in exaggerated movements because the machines are doing it for her. It’s only when I look at her small, delicate hands, that I know it’s really her. I reach for one and curl my warm fingers around her cold ones. There’s no reciprocation, no pressure, and it’s the final thing to force tears to fall down my cheeks.

Kneeling before her bed, I rest my forehead against her soft skin. I half expect her to run her fingers through my hair, but I feel nothing. When I finally force myself to stand and find the chair next to the bed, I notice the nurse has already left us to be alone.

“Hey,” I say out loud, and it feels underwhelming, but it’s all I can give her right now. “Summers, I’m so mad at you right now. We should be back at my place.” I swallow hard, trying to stop myself from breaking, even though I know the moment when I lose hold of myself is coming soon. “We’d be naked.” I laugh softly, but I’m not feeling it at all. “I’d have my wicked way with you and then chew your ear off about moving in with me.” No answer. Just the beeping of the machines next to us. “Which you will be, by the way. No arguments,” I tell her firmly as I grasp hold of her hand a little harder. “Please talk to me, Bea,” I beg her in a whisper, “I’ve never loved anyone like you, no one. You can’t leave me now, you just can’t.” I finally give into my grief and let the tears fall without restraint. “If you go, you have to take me with you.”

A heavy hand falls over my shoulder and I instantly know who it belongs to. I’m not sure how he talked his way up here, but ever the businessman, he must have done some clever dealing or flirting with whoever was behind the desk. I stand and face him like a little boy seeking comfort after he’s hurt himself, but I don’t care, because right now, I’ll take my big brother’s affection with my pride intact. He holds me close as I release gut-wrenching sobs over his shoulder.

“Don’t let me hear you talking like that, Nate,” he lectures me when we finally part. “You’ll both get through this, so stop with the whole ‘taking me with you’ crap!”

I sigh, flopping back into the chair next to my girl. I then clutch hold of my eyes between my fingers, grateful for the sting of my tips pressing into my sockets.

“I can’t lose her, Cam,” I say determinedly. “I don’t want to be without her anymore, to go back to being someone without her. I wasted so much time being a dick, and now that I’ve got her, I might lose her again. Is this my punishment?”

“Fuck, no! Drop the heavy shit, Nate, we’ve already had more than enough of that over the last week or so, and Bea doesn’t need it either.” He scrapes over a spare chair from the hallway and sits next to me. He also looks exhausted after the emotional hell ride this week has been.

“We both look like crap,” I tell him, even managing a soft chuckle, only to feel guilty for it.

“Lily’s pregnant,” he says with a smile he can’t help emitting. “But you don’t know that, right?”

“Sure,” I reply with almost as big a grin as his before shaking his hand with genuine happiness for them both. “How far along?”

“A couple of months. She’s not showing or anything yet, but we’ve heard the heartbeat,” he says with a cheesy grin all over his face. “It was amazing!”

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