Page 62 of The Devil

After Merial came to tell me of her intended marriage all those years ago, I made her promise not to ever mention Helena’s name to me again. It was the only way I managed to survive living in a world where my topolina was married to someone else.

My Helena opens her mouth to answer, making a small ‘o’ shape that I am well familiar with, having spent years picturing those lips in the dead of night.

“Thankfully, Hels got rid of her ass of a husband, didn’t you, Hels?” Nate replies for her, to which she looks at her brother through narrowed eyes, though she doesn’t say anything. She just looks to the floor while her pink cheeks turn a deep crimson.

“Really?” I reply, barely able to conceal my utter delight. “That’s…interesting.”

“Nate,” Helena pushes out quickly, sounding desperate, “is it ok if I take my lunch now?”

Her younger brother frowns over her sudden change in demeanor but eventually nods his head in response.

“Of course, you don’t need to ask if you have it covered. She is my big sister, after all.”

He laughs while looking at me, but I watch her nod politely before scurrying out back to get her bag. As she escapes through the revolving doors at the entrance, Nate continues to ask me up to his office, talking about something to do with his brother. However, I’m not really listening; my eyes are already tracking Helena’s back as she rushes out of the building.

“Of course, but can I meet you in a moment? I just wanted to ask your sister something about Merial. I haven’t heard from her in a while and thought she might know what’s going on with that cousin of yours.”

I’m not really asking for permission, there’s not a chance in hell of letting Helena go without talking to her first. In fact, before he’s even replied, I’m already racing out the door, the whole time scanning the area for where she is. When I finally spot her, I almost have to run to catch up.

I reach for her hand and spin her around to face me. The last time I did this to her, I ended up with a smacked chin and a knee in my groin. However, this time, my little mouse shrivels, looking terrified. In fact, she physically withers and braces herself, as though she is expecting me to hurt her. Her breathing is erratic, and her hands are trembling.

“Hey, hey, it’s me,” I try to reassure her, taking her hands gently inside of mine. “Mia topolina, what’s wrong?”

She gently pulls away and steps back, ensuring there is a safe distance between us.

“S-sorry, I didn’t know who you were,” she stutters, looking to the ground as if ashamed. Her tone of voice is almost alien to the girl I once knew, it’s as if she’s lost herself.

“Helena, what the hell happened to you?” I ask bluntly, ignoring my inner cautious voice.

She slowly looks up at me and we search one another’s eyes for a few moments, just as we did many a time in the throws of passion, only this time, her eyes appear dull.

“Life happened to me, Lucius,” she says quietly. “Please let me go.”

“Why? You’re not with him, are you? Your brother said-”

“I know, but I’m not the same girl you once knew,” she says, swallowing back a lump as a stray tear runs down her face. “She died a long time ago. I am just a shell…a hollow shell.”

She turns and walks away so quickly, she’s almost jogging, leaving me to wonder,what the fuck happened to my girl?

Helena

Flashing lights, my old friends, sparkle and dance on the surface of my eyes. Granted, they’ve been absent from my life since the divorce, but I always knew that one day they would return to get me. Today, I almost welcome them; I want to feel the pain, I want to feel…something. My past came back to haunt me today and I almost broke. Who am I kidding? I broke a long time ago when I was forced into marrying a monster. If it wasn’t for Jess, I can honestly say I would have made a swift exit from life a long time ago.

Lucius is still as handsome as he was all those years ago. The beautiful fallen angel who took a liking to a mere mortal. Still intimidating, still ruthless in business, still as blunt as rock, but I am anything but the girl I was when he pursued me back atHastings Villa. After years of being chained to my husband, I have been left with no self-esteem, no dreams, and no purpose other than to work and look after my wonderful daughter.

Jess is growing up amazingly, but she is starting to need me less and less. She leaves for summer camp at the weekend, and I will have a full month without her. Unlike me, she embraces kids her own age and jumped at the chance to join her best friend at a wilderness camp that is miles away. Remembering how restricted my life was made by an overbearing parent, I want to do all that I can to make sure she is given every opportunity to be everything I wasn’t. Besides, I guess I can carry on with my photography while she’s away. I always loved taking pictures of people in their daily lives, but my heart’s not really in it like it used to be. It hurts to take pictures of people who can feel and show genuine happiness.

My father and brothers only see the timid sister and daughter I once was, before Lucius, but my mother and Meri can see the true me. A broken shell; a vacant, hollow husk of a woman, drowning in her own depression. I am nothing anymore and I don’t want Lucius to know this new version of me. I want him to remember the girl who once had pink hair, a feisty tongue, and a fiery attitude when it came to him. The girl who took chances, who had the ability to comfort him when he confided in her, who walked home in the sun, even though it made her ill, who traveled to Spain to work the Summer, and who had hopes and dreams. I am none of those things anymore.

Bea, Nate’s PA, found me on the bench outside first. I had thrown up in the bin twice and ended up huddling on the bench. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get home being that my vision was already too cloudy to see straight, and my head felt like something was stabbing at it repeatedly. Thankfully, she went back inside and got Nate; he’s now putting me to bed in my house. He reassures me that he will take care of everything, and between him and my parents, they will make sure Jess is not left on her own.

Cam and Nate never did find out about the fact that Jess could have been Lucius’ child; they were only ever told that I fell pregnant with Evan. They also never knew about Evan’s abuse toward me, and neither, on my insistence, did my father. Mom noticed soon after the wedding and had to watch on whenever I came around with fresh bruises, tears, and a general decline in my mental health. Although I initially adhered to Evan’s order for me not to see Meri anymore, Mom was able to sneak her into their house whenever I came to visit.

“Baby, what has he done to you this time? Oh, God, is that a cigarette burn?” Meri cries as she studies the circular scar on the palm of my hand. “Why are you staying with him?”

“He’s threatened to take Jess, that’s why!” I sob into my hands. “It’s not so bad, he’s sleeping around with other people for most of the week. I barely see him really.”

“And when he returns to you, he beats the shit out of you?” she practically screams, sounding completely exasperated with me. “Are you still sleeping with him?” she asks with fear in her voice. I say nothing. Instead, I burst into fits of tears. “Oh, God, why, Hels?”

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