Page 60 of Marry Lies
Because I’m just now realizing that my feelings for Estelle go way deeper than physical lust. I want to make her happy. I want her towantme. But I don’t think she does—not in the way I need her to. In fact, looking at the way she seems to be giving herself a pep talk, it almost seems like she’s dreading it.
Even though I tried so hard to avoid it, to avoid her, she's become the shiny new toy I can’t stop thinking about.
And I’ve become the six-year-old version of myself who would do anything for that toy. Who loved that toytoomuch. Whosuffocatedthat toy to death, until my mother had to throw it away, tattered and torn.
Because, more than anything, I am afraid of suffocating her.
That’s just who I am—my father’s son.
Conniving. Scheming.Selfish.
My scars are only the physical manifestations of my brokenness.
What’s behind those scars runs so, so much deeper.
I lied to her.
The money didn’t come from my father. I knew before she agreed to marry me that he wouldn’t keep his end of the deal. It’s what he’s famous for, after all—losing someone else’s money and making it look like an accident. Making it look liketheirfault.
He would probably blame her father, too, to keep his hands clean.
So, I deposited my money into her account. And I’ll continue to do so every month, under the guise of my father. There was never a monthly installment agreement. I made that up to keep herherewith me. So yes, I’m a selfish motherfucker. A lying, scheming Ravage.
If she knew…
I close my eyes with a quiet sigh.
The worst thing is, I don’t want to tell her. Because once I do, there will be nothing keeping her here. She’d realize my image isn’t worth salvaging. She’d realize the extent of my dishonesty—and how tainted the Ravage name really is.
She wouldn’t want anything to do with us.
I promised her no more secrets, and then I went and hid the biggest one from her.
So, no. I can’t kiss her.Won’tkiss her.
The best thing I can do is save her from myself.
Taking a step back from the dark hallway, I walk out of the restaurant without another word to anyone.
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
THE KEY
Stella
When I was in primary school, I used to get in trouble for sneaking around. I’ve always been a curious person, and very good at smelling bullshit. Perhaps it’s because I was raised by my father and grandmother, the latter of whom was the epitome of badass, but I’ve questioned authority since I could talk. Being able to tell when someone is lying is one of my best traits. It’s kept me safe thus far, and my intuition is strong around other people. It’s never led me astray.
Which is why, the next day, I find myself distracted, pacing our living quarters, and trying to sniff out what Miles is hiding.
After last night, I am especially curious.
Andpissed.
It was the second time he’s ditched me, and though Chase and Juliet had no idea where he went, they did share a look that said perhaps there was a reason he left.
Niro was waiting for me outside the pub to take me home, of course. But I haven’t seen or spoken to Miles since last night.
I hadtoomuch time to think about how he acted last night. Which led to me theorizing about his secrets. Which led to me going down to the cellar and grumbling when I found it lockedagain.
