Page 123 of See Me

“Nah.” I scrub my hands over my wet hair. “I blew it. Hard.”

“Thought that might be the case.” He holds up my bandaged hands and smiles.

I blow out a laugh.

“Well, kid, go fix it.”

THIRTY-SEVEN

MOSAIC MAMBO

“I can’t stressenough how much I don’t want to do this.” I bounce on the balls of my feet, eyeing Luca’s door as Enzo fits the key in the lock.

“We’ll just get in, grab some stuff, and get out.” He turns to me and scratches his chin. “Do you know if he has one of those big countertop mixers? I always wanted one of those.”

My eyes dart back to his door, the butterflies in my stomach pulling out switchblades ready to defend us should he hear. “We are not stealing appliances, Enzo.”

“Do you want homemade cookies or not?”

I tilt my head back and forth. Now that I think about it, some homemade cookies sound really good right now. “Okaybut not the big one, it’s too heavy. There’s a hand mixer in the drawer.”

“Got it. You grab my niece’s stuff and I’ll meet you back here.”

“You’re really starting to scare me with the niece stuff.”

“Does Luca have a shirt that saysCat Daddy?”

I roll my eyes and push him through the open door. “Yes.” I admit.

“And am I the brother of theCat Daddy?”

I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes.”

“Then that makes Tuesday my niece.”

“Is the genealogy lesson over, Professor?”

He stalks toward the kitchen. “You and your smart fucking mouth.”

“Let’s just make this quick.” I walk straight to the bedroom and grab a duffel bag out of the closet. It looks like he cleaned up the wreckage I caused the last time I was here but he still has the closet full of his clothes. And I can smell him.

The scent used to make me tingle all over. That’s been replaced by an ache from what feels like an open wound in my chest not even close to scabbing over. I pick up a discarded t-shirt off the floor and bring it to my nose before I realize what I’m doing. My throat thickens and I swallow and bite my lip to stave off the tears.

It was only a month, and nearly that amount of time has passed since I left. I don’t know why I still feel this way about amurderer?What does that say aboutmymental state? The thought terrifies me. I haven’t told Enzo I looked it up. He won’t tell me anything, anyway. I drop the shirt with a sigh.

I collect a few toys and Tuesday’s teepee house and shove them in the duffel bag. I rummage through the nightstand and bathroom, only finding a few things I left behind and adding them to the bag. Taking one last look around the room, my skin pebbleswith goose bumps. The sensation throws me off; it doesn’t make sense. No memories were made in this room, no good ones anyway. He never touched me in this room, aside from when he was asleep. The whole of our arrangement was just sex. Part of me feels like I have no right to be upset, he told me point blank what it was.

Asshole came with a disclaimer.

My naive ass thought I saw more in his eyes a few times but that wasmyheart talking, not his. My people-pleasing trait burned me hard this time. I convinced myself I was fine taking what little of himself he was willing to give. That it would be enough for me.

Don’t push, Ella.

He’ll run away, Ella.

I took the rules he set and playedmyself.I did what felt good all the while falling for him more and more every day. But I couldn’t show him that. It was admitting I was exactly what he said I was. Admitting I couldn’t be casual without falling for a guy. Admitting I was soft. And if there was a piece of me I was unwilling to let anyone ever see of me again, it was that.

People have a tendency to exploit softness when they sense it. And Luca pegged me on day one. I couldn’t let him see it again. So, I played the vixen. I had a damn good time being her. Luca brought out a wildness in me I embraced. But he only wanted her. He didn’t want the whole of me.

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