Page 56 of See Me

Adam sits back in his chair and rubs his hands over his face. “No one outside my family knows this.”

The silence hangs in the air. The server walks by and makes eye contact. I motion for her. “Excuse me, can we get a bucket of beers please?”

She smiles and winks. “A Beeracuda? Sure thing, doll.”

“Sorry, the moment seems like it’s going to be beer worthy. I hope that’s okay?” He smiles weakly and nods.

The beers are delivered, and we all crack one open.

After a few more minutes of silence Adam speaks, “Sorry.”

Cassie covers his hand with her own and squeezes. “Take your time.”

He takes a long swallow and bends the cap in his hand. “I’ve never said these words out loud before. I don’t know how to start.”

“Do we need more than beer for this? I feel like we need more than beer.”

Adam laughs. “It took me more than beer for a long time.” He takes a long swallow and sets the bottle down

He scrubs his hands up and down his face and through his hair. The chair almost tips as he rocks, jaw working so hard I’m surprised I can’t hear his teeth cracking.

“She was an oopsie.” He shakes his head and dips his chin to his chest. “That’s a horrible way to say it. What I meant is, I was the youngest of four boys and then she came along ten years later. She was a surprise. But we all loved her, doted on her. After a few years, I was the one who most of the responsibility fell on.”

He stares over our heads absently into the parking lot. “It’s sounds horrible, but I hated it after a while. My brothers got todo whatever they wanted, but I was always stuck with her. My parents both worked, brothers worked after school, but I couldn’t get a job. Because there was no one to watch her.”

His eyes shine, and he clear his throat before his next words. “I hope she never saw it.” He drops his chin again and whispers, “God, I hope she never saw it.”

“Saw what?” Cassie asks.

“My frustration. It wasn’t her fault.”

We sit in silence for a moment, the air as thick as my throat.

“She wanted to go fishing.” He smiles. “She always wanted to go fishing. We had these boots we kept on the porch.Thefishing boots. We’d all worn them at some point. When our feet didn’t fit anymore, the next kid took them over until the last boy out grew the boots, then they became her prized possession, though her feet weren’t even close to filling them. We got extra-long shoelaces to wrap around her ankles so they’d stay on. The workout she got dragging those things around….”

Adam lets out a small chuckle despite the quiver in his chin. “But the smile never left her face. She would put them on no matter what she was wearing and that was my cue. I’d carry the poles and tackle all the way to the river, and she always had a handful of flowers by the time we got there. Clumps of dirt dangling off the bottom of her bouquet. I would set her pole up first, and while she was fishing, I’d clean up her bundle, tying fishing line around it for the trek back home. She would run inside and present them to Mama, and she always acted surprised, like it was the most beautiful flowers she ever did see.”

There’s a pause in the story, and Cassie and I share glances but don’t dare interrupt.

“One day there was a few girls floating downstream on innertubes all tied together. Caught my attention for sure. Ididn’t have much of a social life being the babysitter all the time. I got distracted. They came over to the bank, and we started chatting. I don’t know how much time had passed before I realized she wasn’t next to me anymore.”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat as my gut fills with lead.

“They found her a few miles downstream. Her boots weighed her down, and she got swept away.”

Cassie picks up a napkin and blots her face. “So, you captured her doing something she loved?”

“I captured her doing something little girls are supposed to do. Something I hated until it was gone.”

Adams picks up a beer bottle and absently picks at the peeling label. “Who wants it?”

“Huh?” Cassie looks at him.

“Who wants the sculpture?”

“Oh. Someone contacted me after seeing the piece circulating online. They lost their little girl. To leukemia.Apparently, it comforted them. It must look like her. Or not. Maybe, as you said, seeing a little girl do what little girls are supposed to do is the comforting part.”

He stands up and throws a few bills on the table. “They can have it.”

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