Page 89 of See Me

But that won’t end well for either of us. Taking the plunge. Diving in head first. It makes more sense to keep everything superficial and casual.

I should’ve kept my ass on the couch.

Yes, technically I’m her fiancé, but that’s just for show. My head screams to stay true to form, and it scares the hell out of me when I think that may be what’s happening.Is this me?Or who I want to be? The boyfriend? Thehero?

God, I hate that word, and all its implications. I’m no hero. In fact, everything I touch becomes tainted, broken. I know how this will end. The question is, do I allow it to continue and just have fun knowing a catastrophe awaits on the horizon, or do I slip back into dickhead mode and make sure this charade ends soon, with both of us intact?

Benny sneaks in the back of the gym as I finish my last round with the bag. He makes a split second of eye contact in the mirror before walking the perimeter of the gym picking up towels and straightening equipment.

I pace the room, slowing my heart rate and breathing, so I’m able to speak. “Coach.” I pull the gloves off and set them on the bench and grab a towel to wipe my face. “What are you doing up so early?”

“Hey, kid.” He stands in front of me and takes over my efforts to unwrap the tape from my wrists. My brows draw together in confusion. “I miss this.” He wears a small smile but it’s pained. The same smile I see whenever he looks at me. The guilt gnaws a hole in my gut every time.

I grab a cold bottle of water out of the mini fridge. “You, uh, check out any gyms lately? See if anyone needs help?”

“Nah.” He walks to the garbage and tosses the tape as I rub my wrists.

“Any place would be lucky to have you.” My chest aches every time I think about what he lost, what I cost him. The urge to put the gloves back on and go a few more rounds is almost impossible to ignore.

He meets my eye as he unfolds and refolds a stack of towels. “As much as it pains me to say, that part of my life is over.”

I focus my eyes over his head, unable to look at him. “What if it didn’t have to be? I mean, it's been years.”

His eyes dart up to my face and back down to the towels. “Anyone in the industry, especially this town, remembers.”

“And if they remember correctly they should see it had nothing to do with you. Because you were my coach? That’s bullshit. It’s not like you told me to—”

He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I was there. That’s all they care about.”

“Coach, I… if I could go back—”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “Don’t you dare for one second think I blame you. We’ve had this same conversation a hundred times and it’s gonna end the same way it always has. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. They just needed someone to take the fall or the industry would’ve suffered. We both got the short end of the stick, kid.”

I pull the towel over my head and sit on the bench, elbows resting on my knees. I clench my fists, still able to feel the crunch of bone as they hit their mark. It both thrills and terrifies me, the rush of adrenaline the memories cause.

“But that’s not why I’m here.”

I lift my head at his words.

He gives me a look that reminds me so much of Gram. Pursed lips, side-eye, and judgment. “The girl.”

“Ella?”

He rolls his eyes. “Who else? Yes Ella.”

I stand and turn my back on him, taking a long drink of water. We haven’t had a talk about a girl since… her. “What about her?”

“She’s nothing but good, that girl.”

I chuckle. “You haven’t seen all of her then.”

“I've seen enough.” He barks the words and the smile slides off my face. “She has a hard shell borne out of necessity. She’s defensive, protecting herself. Her gloves are up if that helps you understand. But that girl is nothing but light.”

“I’m not sure why we’re having this conversation.”

“At the end of this little game you got yourself tangled up in, someone’s gonna get hurt. You better make damn sure it’s you, you get me?”

“Yes, Coach. I got you.”

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