Page 52 of Bachelor

I walked to the door and leaned my forehead against it.

“Jess, I’m fine.”

When she didn’t respond, I opened the door. It wasn’t Jessica who rested their hands on either side of the doorframe, their head bowed as they came into view.

Rhys raised his head and looked at me over the rim of his glasses.

I let go of the door and opened it wide, taking a step back. He pushed off the frame and followed me inside, shutting and locking the door behind him.

“If anyone saw you in the hallway—”

“No one saw me.”

“They have cameras—”

“I don’t care anymore, Whitney,” he cut in, his tone totally and utterly withdrawn and uncharacteristically hollow. He walked to the window that had a view of the trees leading up to the base of the mountains where the ski slopes were just within view, their lights casting an amber glow over the white landscape beyond.

“Why are you here?”

“I needed to make sure you were okay. You weren’t in the common room when I came downstairs after—”

“I’m fine.”

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes searching my face. “That’s a lie. We both know it. Do you trust me that little to believe I’d take Cassandra, or anyone for that matter, upstairs in front of you? She was trashed, Whitney. I put her to bed and waited for someone else to come keep an eye on her.”

“That’s not why I left.”

“Then why? This is the only opportunity you have to have some fun before returning to campus and spending the next several weeks—”

“What’s going to happen to us?” I said, interrupting him mid-sentence. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around my chest and looking down at the carpet. “If we’re found out, what really happens to us, Rhys? Do we run away together? Or does the stress of all of this crash down on us and bury any and all feelings we had for each other?”

He blinked, taken aback. I met his eyes and watched him clench his hands into fists, then relax. “I like to think that what’s between us is stronger than that.”

“Then what do we do?”

He tucked his hands in his pockets and bowed his head in thought. “Keep it a secret until after you graduate. Until after my tenure is done, and we’re both free of our contractual engagements with Gatlington.”

“But if I pursue a PhD through Gatlington and you leave—”

“I’d stay,” he said, taking a step toward me. “I don’t know what I’d do, but I’d stay as close as possible.”

I licked my lips as the air around us began to shift with each step he took toward me. “I can’t hold you back like that.”

“You wouldn’t be holding me back.”

“Of course, I would,” I argued. “You’d be stuck in place for however long it takes for me to finish a doctorate.”

“You say that being with you would be an inconvenience for me.”

“Wouldn’t it?” I pressed, taking a step toward him until we were only a foot apart. I looked up into his face as I continued, “My life is here in New York, in America. Your family and all of your ties and connections are overseas, or on the very campus where I’ll continue to be a student and where both of our reputations will be ruined.”

“Are you trying to talk yourself out of this?” His voice was low and had an edge to it, something jagged and broken.

“No, that’s the problem. I can’t talk myself out of it anymore. The idea of losing you, of missing out on whatever this is between us and never seeing you again... The consequences seem like nothing in comparison.” My voice suddenly broke over the words, and I lowered my gaze to the floor. “I don’t care about anything anymore. I can’t get you out of my head. I tried, so hard, and it’s just not working.”

I felt him close the distance between us in a single step, his leather and parchment scent wrapping around me like a warm embrace—something I’d missed terribly but hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge. His knuckles grazed lovingly over my jaw until they reached my chin, and he tilted my head back so I had to look up into his eyes as he said, “I cannot live without you, Whitney. You are the very air I breathe, and without you I’ve felt completely empty, like nothing I’ll ever do after this matters. Whatever you’ve done to me, it can’t be undone. I will never be able to get over you. I don’t want to. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was my responsibility to push you away, to keep you safe, but I am not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe we’re crossing too many boundaries and throwing too much caution to the wind, but a life without you feels like a death sentence. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life.”

I closed my eyes, my lips parting as he brushed a featherlight kiss over my temple and whispered into my ear, “I fall more in love with you every day. You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Everything between then doesn’t register. It’s you. It’s always been you since the day I met you.”

---