Page 63 of Gigi and the Gym Rats

“You could at least have told me you wanted another.”

“I didn’t?—”

“Don’tlieto me.”

“Shit. I didn’t know for sure, okay? I’m kinda confused right now.”

“Fuck you, Ronin.Confused?Why did you come to the bar? Why did you kiss me? Think I have no heart, huh?”

“Fuck…Youwanted to meet me at the bar. How is this my fault?”

“You really don’t get it!”

“Don’t you yell at me.” I take a step toward him, cornering him against the wall of the alley. Unlike Casey, Grey is almost my height and quite strong.

But he raises his arm in front of his face, as if to defend himself, protect his head, and…Hell.It makes my blood run cold.

“Grey?” I whisper.

“Just… go, Ronin. You’re right, none of this is your fault. I’m good, really. Just tired. I’ll be seeing you around.” He lowers his arm, gives a hollow laugh. “Can’t avoid it, can I? Unless Cole fires me, that is.”

“Why would he fire you?”

A quick shrug, and then he’s walking away and back into the studio. “You never know when life will turn around and fuck you dry.”

* * *

I stride into my booth and slam the door closed, then sit on my bench and rub at my chest. It feels so tight by now I might be having a heart attack. What’s wrong with me?

As if all this is too heavy and I’m carrying it on my ribs, crushing my lungs.

Letting people down.

People I like.

People I shouldn’t care about.

Like I’m fucking everything up when my intention was the opposite.

Isn’t it always? The road to heaven is paved with good intentions,blah blah.

I chose what I thought was the safer path and it’s taking me through a jungle.

Where did I fuck up? The only person who doesn’t seem upset with me is Gigi. She isn’t, right?

Because she has chosen the same path. How is she making it work when I’m failing so spectacularly?

My day is a bust. I cancel an appointment I have, postpone it for tomorrow. My head isn’t in the game anyway. Won’t fail my customer, too, giving them an uninspired, imperfect tat.

My steps lead me to the gym, somewhere in my mind brewing the idea that Gigi might be there. I could call her, but I’d rather see her.

I want to see her.

After avoiding her, now I want to discover how it will feel to see and touch her again.

Have I mentioned my head is fucked? Big time. No idea what’s going on with me, and I refuse to stop and examine it.

It just feels different from the usualfuckening.

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