Page 18 of The Summer of Wild

"Like?"

"Rule #1: Don't mention your dick."

"Why?" Wilder asks, offended.

"I'm not your bro or one of your ladies of the night," I remind him. "I don't care about your penis."

"If you saw it you would," he sing-songs before gazing out the window.

"Rule #2: Don't show me your dick."

"I don't send nudes unless requested," he assures me.

"Aren't you afraid someone is going to post a picture of it on the internet?"

Wilder purses his lips as he looks at me. "No. Why would I be? Are you afraid Cash is going to post yours on the internet?"

"I, uh, never sent him any."

Wilder laughs. "You guys are so lame."

"Rule #3: Don't talk about Cash."

"That one is easy," Wilder holds his hand out for me to shake.

"I'm not touching that," I recoil in disgust. "I don't know where it's been."

Wilder shrugs. "Twenty minutes ago, it was wrapped around my dick in the shower."

"Rule #4: Don't masturbate and tell me about it."

"You are no fun," he crosses his arms over his chest. "No fun!"

"I used to be," I lament.

"Before Cash ruined you," Wilder adds.

My mouth drops open. "What does that mean?"

"Just means you used to be funny and easygoing. You started dating Cash, and suddenly you had a stick up your ass."

"I did not," I argue.

"Did, too."

"Okay," I hold up a hand. "This isn't getting us anywhere. Rule #5: Don't argue over stupid stuff."

"Fine," he grumbles.

"And apologize to me," I demand. "You told Fanny I was purposely trying to get pregnant at Cash's goodbye party, and she forced him to break up with me over that."

Wilder raises an eyebrow. "I'm sorry Cash broke up with you."

"And?"

"But I am not sorry that Fanny Allred caught you and Cash together," he chuckles. "If she hadn't, I never would have believed you convinced Cash to give up his vow of abstinence."

"If we're going to be frenemies," I hold up a hand to stop him, "you have to apologize."

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