Page 1 of Deep Connection

1

Abigail

The sky was dark, the sun giving off its last rays a few hours before. I was there with my unit, trying my best to stick to the plan, knowing that my gut didn’t want me to. Whatever was going on, the waiting was killing me and putting everyone on edge.

My name is Abigail Zalen and I’m the leader of Unit 566, and it was my job to make sure that not only was the target wiped out, but that all of the people that I took with me were going to be back home safe as well. While I wanted everything to work out and for the job to get done, I cared less about that than I did the human life involved. I didn’t ask questions about how important my job was, it would get done, but the women and men with their lives in my hands, mattered more.

We were all crouched down outside of a house, a few feet from the front door. It was an easy assignment. Our team of six was to go in, wait for the target to come out, and neutralize the target. He had to die, so there was a whole unit to make sure it happened. The orders had come not that long ago, and I was sure that it was going to be a quick in and out. I liked to believe so anyway.

The door opened and instead of a man coming out, it was a little girl. I saw the little girl with dark brown eyes and a yellow bow in her hair. That damn bow would later come to haunt me, as did the command I gave to someone next to me to not shoot. That command was given after the target walked out right behind her. I was afraid that the little girl was going to get shot, so I told my team to stand down. After a few seconds, I knew that my decision was the wrong one.

The man that was hiding behind the little girl heard or saw one of the team. He alerted his team to what was going on and there was a blast of fire. I could hear it all around me, felt a few bullets rip into my flesh, but it was the sounds of them hitting those around me that really got to me. The little girl that I had been trying to save ran off and she left behind a dirty ribbon that would be found later when the crime scene was gone through. Everything that I thought was going to happen that day, hadn’t. Everything that I never would have dreamed about was reality, and I was the only one left. I knew when I was told that information that I would never be able to forgive my weakness that had ended so many lives.

I was lying in the hospital bed, listening to a doctor rattle off my injuries, when the last person in my unit died. I tried my best to hold it together, but I couldn’t. I was the last one standing, the only one standing, and I hated that fact. Why wasn’t I one of the ones that was killed? They were my responsibility, and I was shattered that I had failed them all. That’s what it was too, it was failure. I should have known that the little girl was used as a human shield. The target was known for that ploy, though I hadn’t known it at the time. My sympathy had killed my whole team, and I was devastated from that. My eyes burned and my throat had a large knot inside of it. I knew that there was no coming back from this. I could no longer serve my country, not because of my injuries, but because I didn’t trust myself anymore. How could I ever trust any decision I made again?

I woke up with a start and realized that I was crying. It was always so depressing to realize that the dream was real and on repeat. I always woke up in a bad spot, whether it be the moment itself of my unit dying, or when they told me that Katarina Clausen was dead. She had been in surgery and the last one alive besides me. It was that moment when I realized that my fuck up had ended all their lives. It was the moment when I knew I was never going to be able to forgive myself. It would have been a bad feeling to have if I was honest, but there was nothing I could do about it. It was just the way it was.

The room was just as dark as the sky had been that night, so I turned the bedside lamp on. I illuminated the room, and it was just the same place I always was. The small apartment did remind me of the room I had down the hall from the barracks. Sometimes, like now, I missed my old life and how everything just worked back then. I knew who I was when I was enlisted, now though, I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing.

“You have got to get yourself together,” I told myself out loud. I couldn’t believe that I was still afraid of the ghosts of the past. I turned on lights as I went around in the house, but it wasn’t enough. I still had that creeping feeling, body grown cold. I hated that feeling and I jumped in the shower to get that feeling to let go.

After that, I was warmed up, muscles were moving a bit better, and I knew that I wasn’t going to sleep. The best thing I could do was get outside and start moving. I liked to go when it was still dark out. The world wasn’t awake yet, besides a few crazy souls like me, and it was one of the most relaxing times of the day. Since I didn’t want to let my brain run a mile a minute after that dream, I turned on some music in my ear buds and started out at a punishing pace. I had a long day in the office with patients and I needed to pull myself out of my head. Physical pain to my muscles always seemed to do that and it wasn’t long at all before I was ready for the day, or rather as ready as I was ever going to be.

The ride to work was a quick one. I had moved to the neighborhood after leaving the military, because I knew that I would work at the physical therapy center for Veterans in my hometown of Chicago. I didn’t want to leave the military altogether, I wanted to help, I just didn’t want targets and people’s life on the line with me anymore. Now, I helped soldiers coming back all banged up, to get better and live a life they wouldn’t before. It was my way of trying to settle the score, though no matter how many people I helped, it was the ones that I couldn’t that really stuck with me.

My assistant, Dana, had a smile and greeting as soon as I walked in the door. She was the nurse on shift when I worked, and we had a great rapport together. I was glad to see her, and my grin was as enthusiastic. “Good morning, Dana. How is our day looking?”

She started right in because that’s what she wanted to do. Dana always had a sweet disposition, but she was also very no-nonsense when it came to the work part of it. I never had to worry about how she was going to handle something. She always did it with style.

As she launched into the clients and schedule that we had, she mentioned something about a new client that would be here in a few minutes. He was supposed to be a recommendation from an old friend. It didn’t mean that I was going to treat Jason Gillian any better, but I would have an extra smile for sure. He knew my friend Bill and that was enough to get the best of me.

“I have to warn you though,” Dana started.

The front door dinged, and I looked behind me. There was someone coming up, couldn’t see them yet, but I told Dana I was going to grab some coffee before I started the day. I needed coffee and maybe then I wouldn’t feel the way I did right now. I was determined to keep the day going, hopefully getting better soon. It wasn’t like there was anywhere to go but up.

A few minutes later when I walked into the first patient’s room, I saw the hulk of a man that was Jason Gillian, and I at once decided the day was going to be just fine. He was handsome and huge, a winning combination in my book. He had the prettiest green eyes and a tanned face that was square-jawed and dimpled. Jason was a very sexy man, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I didn’t want to. However bad my day was going, it had now taken a turn and my heart beat rapidly in my chest as I moved to introduce myself with palpable excitement.

2

Jason

Iheard the change in her voice and knew the immediate second that my new physical therapist knew I was blind. She hadn’t known at first. There had been an attractive quality to her voice. She saw me and liked what she saw. I hoped that would continue, but then her tone changed and when I touched her hand from the sigh she made, it was an awkward handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Abigail. The name is Jason.”

She mumbled how it was good to see me and then asked me how I was. It was a standard question, and I rattled off that I would be better if I could see. I laughed, she didn’t, and there was an awkward silence. I didn’t know who the young woman was, but I swear she acted like she needed a minute to get over the fact that I was blind, like it was somehow a problem for her. I was a bit perturbed, but in the last couple of months, I’d learned to get over that. The way that people reacted to me and how I could tell was changing every day. Why did I feel like this time was worse? I wanted her to see me the way I used to be instead of the way I was.

I imagined how Abigail looked. I didn’t know, of course, but I had some inputs that was interesting. Firstly, she was just the right height. I could feel her next to me and I didn’t tower over her. She had a sweet flowery perfume on that I couldn’t really pin down. She also had the smell of muscle rub on her, just under the surface. I asked her if she was a vet too and she said that she was.

“Where did you serve?”

There was a moment of hesitation and then Abigail said that she had served with a unit. She gave me the number when I asked, and I learned a whole lot more about my physical therapist than she wanted to reveal. I said something offhanded to let her know I knew, but it didn’t go over that well, because her voice quavered next.

“Yes, I was the only one that survived the attack.”

“I bet sometimes you wish you didn’t, huh?”

Another pause, “Yes, sometimes I do.”

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