Page 61 of Redemption

“I’m not ready to... I can’t make love to you, Beck. Not yet. But I want you to see all of me. Can you be around me like this without having sex? Would that be okay?”

I give her a single nod in reply, too afraid if I reply verbally, I’ll shout something stupid like, “Fuck yeah, it is!” and ruin the moment.

I watch as Presley slowly shimmies her jeans down her long legs and steps out of them. Next, she loops her fingers under the straps of her cotton panties, hesitating for only a second before those end up on the floor, too. I bite my knuckles as I take her in from head to toe. She’s bare below the waist, which surprises the hell out of me, but also turns me right the fuck on. Even more surprising? The next words that come out of her mouth.

“Please touch me, Beckett.”

I tilt my head to the side in question. Didn’t she just say sex was off the table?

Presley seems to read my mind because she adds, “I want to remember what it feels like to be touched by someone who...” She takes a deep breath. “Please don’t make me explain right now. I can’t... I’m not ready for everything yet, but... the way you used to touch me... I need to feel that. I really need a reminder of what a loving touch feels like, so if that’s something you’d be interested in... I’d very much like that. So? Would you like to touch me?”

I cup my hands around her jaw. “Honey, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Presley

When Beckett kisses me this time, there’s so much more at stake. I don’t know where I got the courage to get naked and ask him to touch me, but what I told him was the absolute truth. I desperately need to know the touch of a loving hand. I need solid, physical proof that I can enjoy sex again... that I can feel pleasure. That I won’t always be so messed up. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to go through with this. That I’ll freak out, and Beck will quickly figure out precisely what Sebastian has put me through. But I know I need to try, and there’s no better candidate for the job. I fell in love with Beckett Armstrong before either one of us knew what that meant. Time and distance haven’t changed that, no matter how hard both of us have tried to pretend otherwise, and there’s no one I trust more.

“Lie back, honey. Let me take care of you.”

The soft mattress cradles my body as I scoot back on his bed. For some reason, I find it incredibly erotic that I’m completely nude, and Beck is still fully clothed. Don’t get me wrong; if I have my way, I’ll be seeing much more of him tonight, too, but right now, I need to focus on my senses and live in the moment.

“God, Pres, I don’t know where I want to start first.”

Our eyes meet as he stands at the foot of the bed. “Just touch me, Beckett. I don’t care where. I just want to feel you.”

He flashes a sexy smirk that sends the butterflies in my stomach soaring. When Beck’s large hands begin trailing a path up one leg and then the other, I squirm in anticipation with every inch he gains. I gasp and arch my back when his lips touch my inner thigh, right above my knee.

“Beckett,” I pant.

He groans before running the tip of his tongue along my skin. Instinctively, I widen my legs, giving his broad shoulders more room to settle between them.

“Can I taste you, Pres?” Beck places an open-mouthed kiss just a little higher than the last one. “Would that be too much?”

The second the question leaves his mouth, I imagine his dark blond hair moving between my thighs, and I can feel my body readying itself for him. My nipples stiffen to an almost painful degree, and the ache in my core is demanding more.

“Please.” My need is so great, it’s the only response I can manage. A one-syllable word followed closely by an embarrassingly loud whimper. At the first swipe of his tongue, I add, “Oh. My. God.”

Beckett releases a soft chuckle as he places my legs over his shoulders. “I’ll take that as a good sign.”

I nod furiously. “Very good sign. Very, very good sign. Keep up the good work, sir.”

He barks out a laugh right before lowering his mouth once again, all humor instantly fading. Beck kisses, and licks, and sucks my hot flesh, stoking the fire inside of me more and more, until I’m on the verge of free-falling off a magnificent cliff. It’s been so long since I’ve had an orgasm, even longer since I’ve had one to this degree, so when it hits me, I’m incapable of controlling the screams or the pleas. I beg him to keep doing this forever and ever, to never stop because things like work, and breathing, and eating are so overrated. Beck softens his tongue and continues licking me through the aftershocks of my climax. I think we’re both surprised when another orgasm hits me seemingly out of nowhere, only seconds later. This one is much shorter but just as powerful. I don’t even realize I’m weeping until the tears drip down my face onto the bedding.

“Holy shit, you’re good at that.” I throw my arm over my face. “So, so good at that.”

I can feel Beckett’s lips curving into a smile as his mouth travels over my pelvic bone, to my abdomen, and finally to the underside of my breasts. Much to my dismay, I stiffen when he palms one of them.

He instantly retreats. “Is this not okay?”

God, why can’t I just be normal and enjoy this? I had no problem a few minutes ago when Beck was going down on me. I couldn’t help it, though. The moment he touched my breast, I was sucked into a void where Sebastian controlled me again. I don’t hate my boobs; I actually love what I see when I look in the mirror. I was adamant about keeping a natural shape and size for my frame. The surgeon did a fantastic job of honoring my wishes. But I do hate what they represent. I hate that I associate any touch—even if I’m just washing in the shower—with Sebastian. He’d have these moments where he’d fixate on my breasts. He’d paw them, twist my nipples until I’d cry out in pain. Suck on them or bite them until marks were left behind for days. Slide his dick through them until he painted my face with his semen. He’d essentially use my breasts as a tool to debase me as often as possible. To remind me that I was his to do with as he pleased. Maybe I’m not as messed up over receiving oral because Sebastian rarely did that.

I take a deep breath, reminding myself to focus on the present. Focus on the beautiful man before me and how amazing he just made me feel.

I prop myself up on my elbows and look him directly in the eye. “It was a knee-jerk reaction. I want you to touch me, Beckett. Everywhere. Just... be patient with me, okay?”

He frowns, undoubtedly trying to read between the lines. When he makes no effort to move, I reach for his hand and place it back over me, holding his gaze the entire time.

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