Page 189 of After All This Time

I watch her head upstairs to the bathroom.

Why are there so many people here?

I have no clue where my mom is. Or Lizzie. Or even Celia.

I’m losing my balance. The room is spinning. Leaning against the wall nearest to the living room, I place my hand over my heart. It’s beating faster than speeding bullets.

My hands are violently shaking and my mouth is dry. I can’t breathe. I need to get the fuck out of here. Somewhere far away, so I can clear my head.

Running out of the house, I unlock the car and shift the gear into drive.

I don’t know where I’m going.

I just know I need to get as far away from the house as possible.

I need air.

CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE

dani

I finish up in the bathroom, washing my hands thoroughly.

God, it’s so loud in here.

I didn’t know that Ben knew so many people. He probably didn’t even know half of the people here. This is what happens when you have a funeral reception. Even when you sit shiva, random people show up for absolutely no reason.

Unlocking the door, I make my way downstairs.

Frantically searching for Noah, I look in the living room. He’s not there. Next up is the kitchen. Shit, he’s not there either and he wasn’t upstairs.

Luckily, I run into Lizzie. “Lizbug, where’s your brother?”

“I don’t know,” she says.

“We came in together. You haven’t seen him in the house at all?”

“No. I don’t know where he is.”

Fuck.

“Where would he go if he needs to clear his head?”

Lizzie looks down at her feet, taking ages to answer my question. Patience doesn’t exist for me right now.

“Lizzie, where the hell would he go?”

She meets my gaze, an idea hitting her like a bolt of lightning. “Try Loggerhead. He used to go there a lot to think when his panic attacks got really bad when he was in high school.”

This is the safe place he wanted to keep a secret from me. Not anymore.

“Have you guys seen Noah? I couldn't find him. I checked everywhere.” Laura asks, concern writing itself all over her face.

I place my hand on Laura’s shoulder. “I’m going to find him. Tell my mom where I’m going, okay?”

Laura nods as Lizzie follows me out the front door. “Be gentle with him.”

“Don’t worry. I got this!” My heart is beating so damn fast. Adrenaline is pumping.

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