Page 33 of Crave You

“But you wanted me to be, didn’t you?”

Leona looks down into her lap. “I suppose I did a bit,” she says. “But I never wanted it to go as far as it did. I just wanted to know you cared.”

“Seriously? How many times have I told you that you’re mine?”

“That’s not the same thing. It’s like I’m your possession. I want you to care about me, not just have me. Does that make sense?” she says, her eyes pleading with me to understand.

I nod my head.

“It does,” I say. “But you need to understand that it’s not easy for me. For years I was told that emotions make you weak, that emotions drag you down. I learned how not to feel them, I guess. I am trying to be different Leona, but right now, I need you to know that me telling you that you are mine isn’t just about me possessing you. I like to know that I do, but it’s more than that. It’s about me telling you that I’m not going anywhere. That you will be mine forever.”

“OK,” she says cautiously.

“Can you live with that? Because that might be as good as it gets,” I say.

She nods. “Yes. But you must accept that I am allowed to have friends and I am allowed to go places without you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you, and it certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to cheat on you, because I’m not,” she says.

“Then you must be open with me. Like telling me Christian is gay,” I say.

“That wasn’t my thing to tell,” Leona says. “And besides, I don’t want it to be like that. I want you to believe that I want to be with you because I say I do, and I want you to believe that nothing would happen with anyone else without my needing to give you a disclaimer.”

“OK, I get that,” I say.

I think for a minute. “But if this is going to work, then you have to respect me too, Leona. Like the other night, I chose you over that initiation night at Valens. I don’t regret that decision; I will always choose you. But, I would like the same courtesy back. When I told you I wanted to see you, you chose Christian over me.”

“That’s not what happened Zan. I chose to keep my word to a friend and not to drop them when a better offer came along. I did invite you to come,” Leona says. “Maybe this is what we needed. This conversation. Because it kind of feels like we’re both saying the same, but we both have different ways of showing the same thing.”

That feels exactly right. “OK, let’s make a deal. From now on, we talk openly and honestly with each other. Nothing is off the table. If one of us is pissed off at the other, there’s none of this running away thing. We talk it out,” I say.

Leona is quiet for a second and then she smiles at me.

“Yes. I’d like that,” she says. “But if you ever lay a hand on one of my friends again, that’s us done.”

“Deal,” I say, hoping I can keep that promise.

I lean in and kiss her and she kisses me back, her kiss as hungry as mine. I pull back and take her hand in mine and lead her towards her bedroom.

Chapter Twelve

Leona

I wake up to the sun streaming in through the window. Why the hell didn’t I close the curtains last night before I went to bed? Oh, that’s right, I think with a smile as last night comes back to me.

I don’t know whether I should be smiling about it though. The other night with Christian, Zander showed me exactly who he was, and I still couldn’t help jumping into bed with him the second he showed up here. I ought to be ashamed of myself, but the truth is, I’m not. I didn’t choose to fall for Zander, but I have, and that means taking the bad with the good. After our conversation last night, I hope there is going to be a lot more of the good to come and a lot less of the bad.

I push my thoughts aside. It doesn’t matter about the past now, what matters is the here and now. It’s time to stop pretending that the largest part of me doesn’t love Zander’s dark side. I love that he says I am his and when he says it, he means it one hundred percent. I stretch and wince at the soreness between my legs. It’s a good kind of sore though, the kind of sore that comes with being sated.

“Morning,” Zander mumbles from beside me.

“Morning,” I say.

I sit up and yawn before reaching for my phone and checking the time. I have just over an hour before I have to be in class. I push the duvet off and stand up.

“Where are you going?” Zander asks.

“To get a shower,” I say. “I have class soon.”

Zander gets up. “Let’s go,” he says.

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