Page 38 of It Never Was

This was something I thought he might be into based on his reaction to when he was cruel to me or when he hurt me emotionally…and physically lately. There was something that sparked in his eyes whenever I was fearful. Whenever he made me cry. I thought it was my imagination.

My gut knew better.

This is the first time he has said it out loud. He admitted it. I feel validated in my gut feelings being right, but knowing he is turned on by my fear of him… I don't know what to think.

My breaths become uneven.

"I don't want to be scared of you." I muster.

"Seems like you can't help it," he says dryly, dragging his finger across my jawline.

His lips engulf mine, sucking me into his embrace. My mind is in shambles, my emotions swirling around like a whirlpool. I'm growing wetter for the need of Devon, but I am also scared shitless he will hurt me again. His lips release me for a second. His eyes wander to my lips but come back to my eyes in a fraction of a second before pushing me back to lay on the sofa in the living room. The musky smell of the cushions as I sink further in reminds me of my mother.

I don't spend much time down here. This isn't my domain. It is my mother's.

My room and bathroom are the only places I allow myself to be in, other than the kitchen for food essentials. I shouldn't be down here, and I definitely shouldn't be making out on the very surface my mother passes out on nightly. It just doesn't feel right to me.

Pushing my hands against Devon's hard chest, I pull my lips away from his just enough to get some words out.

"We should go upstairs." I try to sound calm, but my words come out shaky.

"We are fine here." He crashes his mouth back onto mine again, and my chest starts to feel heavy.

He isn't listening.

"Seriously, Devon. We shouldn't be down here…doing this." My words are muffled by his lips, but I try to get them out as audibly as I can.

He ignores my words, putting more of his body weight on me and settling in between my legs. I feel the panic rise as I feel his weight sink onto me. He feels like he weighs a ton. My breath picks up more. He presses his hard dick on me, dry humping me, groaning into my mouth as he continues to kiss me.

I feel like my skin is crawling.

I can't breathe.

I start to squirm underneath his body.

"You like that, don't you?" His hot breath hits my lips.

"Devon…" I plead for him to listen, but he is devouring my mouth again before I can say anything else.

I use my forearms to push against him, trying to remove the weight of his body on mine.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe!

I press harder against him trying to get air into my lungs, trying to tell him I am panicking. He grabs my wrists and throws them above my head, clasping them in one of his hands tightly. The bones in my wrists ache as they grind together in his grasp. His eyes glow at me from above. There is something behind them I cannot quite read, but I know from my stomach twisting that this can't be a good thing.

"You have a little fight in you tonight, huh?" he sneers, his eyes hooded as he basks in my panic.

"Stop, please," I whimper. "Can we please just go upstairs?" My voice is cracking. "We can do this upstairs, go slower, softer. What if my mom comes home?" The sting of tears breaks through my barriers.

This causes him to chuckle deeply, his chest moving up and down. "Sharry? Coming home before the sun rises? Unlikely."

"Dev—" but my voice is lost as his free hand wraps around my throat and presses me further down.

"Shhh…just take it, baby. You know you like this," he growls out, increasing the pressure on my throat. I feel my airway shrink.

My vision starts to tunnel, I squirm in his hold, the gnawing pain in my wrists growing stronger as I attempt to break away from his hold. The panic rises. My legs begin to thrash.

"I'm not done with you yet!" He growls out, his nails digging in deeper.

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