Page 64 of It Never Was

I know I shouldn't care or worry about him after everything he has done, but how can I stop loving him, even with all his faults? My mind knew I was crazy, but my heart didn't give a shit, it still wanted him.

I cursed it daily. Wishing I knew why I couldn't let go of the ghost of him.

He broke me, and I was here just trying to survive the dull heartache, while he was off living, doing god knows what.

My eyes sting at the thought of Devon just living everyday life, feeling nothing. Not a shred of guilt or worry.

"Helllllo…" a warm voice calls me from the register.

I turn and am immediately taken back. He is a handsome guy, young but undoubtedly handsome even with his youthful features. As I walk to him, I see his eyes are a mixture of ash and brown. Soft and intense. His hair is raven black which only helps to dramatize his eyes. The guy seems familiar, but I don't know why. He isn't my age. He seems too young for me to have gone to school with him in high school and I don't think I have seen him on campus. But his facial features seem like someone I should know.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" my customer automatically kicks into gear.

"Can I get…" he trails off looking me over, not in a disrespectful way, more out of curiosity. I have been looked up and down by many creeps, but this wasn't a check out it was more of a 'who are you' look, "a medium hazelnut cold cream with creamer?" He says, finishing his order.

"Alright, anything else I can get for you?"

"Yeah, can I get my brother for a second?" he says nonchalantly.

"Sorry what—"

"Gabe. A cold brew really?" Parker's sultry voice boomed between us. I keep my focus on the register.

Gabe Evans, I should have pieced that together. The whole resemblance is there now that I know. Parker's little brother Gabe, who also attended the same college as me. How has he worked here for the last few months, and this is the only time he has come in?

"Yeah, finals week is approaching. I need all the caffeine I can get." he tilts his head my way, simultaneously shooting a grin in Parker's direction.

"Better make it a Large." I added pressing cancel order on the register's screen.

"See, she gets it." He pulls out his wallet, but I brush it away.

"He can pay for it." Parker says as Gabe walks towards him where he stands in the walkway that leads behind the counter. I don't give a reply as I start on Gabe's order, still avoiding the sight of Parker. I know he is giving me one of those looks he always does. The kind that makes me confused on what they mean, they make my head dizzy with emotions I couldn't handle.

I want to stay numb.

With everyone else right now the mask that I was putting up seemed to be enough of a distraction to keep the sound of my breaking from disturbing them. Like every scream I let out in each crowded room I entered, was ear shattering to me, but no one around ever looked my way. I was hiding in the crowd seamlessly.

But with Parker, I could see it in his eyes.

He heard it.

He saw it.

He even seemed like he felt it.

I didn't know what to do with that. I was fine hiding, feeling numb when he wasn't around. But the moment he was in the same region as me, my nerves craved more than the cold numbness I was allowing it to feel. It wanted warmth and I didn't know if I was okay with that.

My hands worked flawlessly as they poured and stirred Gabe's drink. Not a drop too much, not a drop too few, as I poured the light brown drink over the ice in the to-go cup. The heat of Parker's eyes is still on me. I rush it down the counter, passing it to Gabe with a straw. The smell of Parker hits me. Even his smell is warm and inviting.

"Damn, thanks Ryen." he said with sincerity.

"No problem." I rush out, turning on my heel to escape. It's Saturday and my shift is about to be over.

"That's your co-worker…." Gabe's voice is hushed as he talks to his brother, "You didn't say she was that hot."

"Shhh!" Parker hisses.

"Gooooood afternoon." Willow is striding through the shop for her shift, her eyes landing on Gabe, and she sways her hips flirtatiously. Strolling his way and resting her hip on the countertop right in front of him. Willow has inches on me with her height, she is 5 feet 11-inches, and compared to Gabe she hovers over his just an inch. "And who is this?" The wicked grin she is giving poor Gabe has him tilting to look up at her.

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