Page 70 of It Never Was

Yes, I am so so sorry. I am home. Thanks for checking in on me.

He instantly replied.

No need to apologize, I just wanted to make sure. Sleep tight Ryen, see you tomorrow at work. ;)

Night Parker. :)

The way a simple winky face made my heart palpitate was mortifying, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't wait to see him at work tomorrow, I know I shouldn’t, but it was true. I tucked my phone under my pillow, the lazy smile still plastered on my face as I cuddled up in my sheets and drifted to bed.

40

Ryen

The last few shifts with Parker have been a bit different than usual. He still does all the regular things like wait and walk me in to work when I arrive, helping me with my tasks in the front, but there is this sense of wanting to be needed. He poured me a cup of coffee before I could do it myself today, and just now he even plated a fresh cinnamon roll for me as I was going on my first break the icing was still melting. He was standing there with his toned arm extended to me, waiting for me to take the plate from him.

He was being so attentive, not in an overwhelming way either, which was baffling to me because with everyone else it was as if they were smothering me in a blanket telling me to relax. But with Parker it was like he was lessening the load in my head with these simple gestures. Warming the ice in my chest more and more. I didn't know how to feel about that.

"You like cinnamon rolls, right? I've seen you grab one on the way out of work a few times." My eyes were still watching the icing melt down the sides of the golden pastry. My mouth was watering at the sight.

"Yeah, I do." Finally taking the plate from him, "You noticed that?" Looking away from the sweet gooey treat to his eyes gazing at me.

"Of course I noticed, how could I not?" His hand jolted up as a strand of hair released from behind my ear, I recoiled at the quick movement. His hand paused midair and retreated into his apron pockets. Looking remorseful as he rocked on the heels of his feet.

"Sorry." My voice barely a whisper, I was surprised it didn't crack as I apologized. Logically I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, but those triggers were something I couldn't stop. He looked so disappointed, hurt even. His eyes snapped at me as the word set in, locking those ash filled hues with mine.

"Don't apologize for wounds you didn't create Ryen. I am just mad at myself…" His eyes dropped to the floor, and I was more confused than ever. What did he have to be mad at himself for? "I shouldn't have tried to touch you." My heart dipped in my chest.

"No, Parker it's me—"

"Don't do that Ryen." He interjected, "Don't blame yourself. I just want you to feel safe with me, I want you, your mind, your body…" His eyes trailed down my frame, my stomach turned from the hot gaze he was giving me, "I want to make you feel safe." His eyes shot back to meet mine, "I don't want you to feel safe because I am telling you to feel safe." His gaze grew intense.

"I know what you are trying to say…" I take a deep breath in, "and thank you."

I did know what he meant. That he wanted me to allow myself to open up and feel but hearing it all made my brain glaze over with a need and comfort, like the cinnamon roll and its icing, but I didn't know what to do with that feeling. So, of course, I avoided it completely by stuffing a bite of the fluffy pastry in my mouth, icing covering my face in the process.

"You got a little something there." He tapped his finger to the corner of his mouth, the same one that was smiling now.

I wiped my sleeve at my mouth sheepishly, "Did I get it?"

A deep chuckle of amusement as he said, "No, up more." I awkwardly swiped at my face again, "May I?" He asked.

My body tensed, but I nodded anyway. He lifted his hand slowly, like he thought if he moved too fast again, I would run. Catching my breath as I waited for his hand to touch me, there was a small pause before he continued his movement.

His thumb slid across my bottom lip. My eyes wide as I watched him bring it to his lips. His eyes shot from my lips to my eyes as he brought the icing on his thumb into his own mouth. A slight gasp left me, I couldn't look away. Even when I felt my core clench and I felt heat ride up my chest, at the sight of him sucking the frosting off. "Just what I thought." There was a flame behind his smoky eyes as they hooded. I swallowed hard, clenching my thighs together to ease the throb that was growing. He watched every movement before saying, "Tastes so sweet."

My jaw dropped slightly. Did he really just say that? And did I really just buckle at those words? I cleared my throat, "Ahem…I should get to my break." My voice was breathy, he inched forward as I took a step back. His height towered over me, just like it did when he walked me to my car after lunch at his house. He brought a fork and pressed it into the bitten treat. "Less messy this way." He winked, stepping aside allowing me room to go to the lobby.

It took me more than a few seconds to compose myself before I made it to an open table. I had my phone out and was scrolling aimlessly when I felt the hair of my neck stand up, my thumb froze on the screen, and my palms grew clammy. I felt eyes on me, and I slowly scanned the room. My heartbeat was chaotic, and my breath was swallowed.

You are okay, breathe Ryen.

My eyes searched the room faster, but I didn't see anyone looking. I didn't see him. Not till I saw a figure outside the windows of the shop, but when I faced it, it was gone. I could feel my chest damp from sweat, keeping my eyes on the windows waiting for the figure to return.

"Hey you okay?"

I jumped in my seat clamping my chest with my hand.

"Holy fuck you scared me."

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