Page 24 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

“You reach into me. You unleash all my fears and make them disappear.” I wasn’t just talking about having him and Xavier at the same time. Or even the stuff we did on the bus. I knew Devon had been hurt by my leaving and we’d spent more time fucking than talking since my return.

“Dev, I’m not afraid of being me, not when I’m with you.” I needed to break through, get him to stop blaming himself, and Xav. “I want us back.”

“Bullshit. You left for a reason.”

“I came back for a reason.”

“Yeah, Xav. Not me. Not the others. You came back because Jax found you and Xav asked.”

“Devon, when I’m with you, I’m not scared of being me. I don’t care about what people are going to think about me. Nothing else matters, only you, and Xav.”

The longest pause. I wanted to reach out, make it better, but I’d already put my body on the line, this was the first time I’d put my heart.”

“Close enough.”

Devon, being Devon, didn’t need poetry or promises.

He just needed me. Almost as much as I needed him.

“What the hell!” I’d lost track of time. Unintentionally, I’d somehow ended up in the same room as Jax when the clock chimed the hour. Right on cue, he broke into my conversation with Chase to claim a kiss.

Five days since the cave and Jax had become my personal torture machine. Refusing to want more than a kiss, on the hour and every hour if we were in the same room. It didn’t matter that Chase and I had been mid-conversation about online sports. I’d been enthralled with his insights into personality types and how they affected play and couldn’t wait to test Chase’s theories back in the online poker rooms. My hidden job that was going to bankroll my future.

Chase and I had also been working on mock-ups of a social media campaign. He’d taken my research to the next level. Insisting on tweaks to the copy until not even Trent could pick fault.

Jax.

Stole another kiss and then headed off to the restaurant again where Xavier was working with Devon on a new song, Scream it Green. Only the other guys couldn’t understand what it meant.

I did.

It was all about the bus. Hooks, handcuffs and Devon insisting Red meant no, Amber meant unsure or not yet. He and Xavier would only push my boundaries if I’d scream it Green.

“Your phone seems to want some attention.” Chase nodded to my blinking handset.

“I know.”

“Someone missing you?”

“Something like that.”

“Gonna talk about it some day?”

“Unlikely.”

“You’ll talk to me if you need to, right?”

“I’m fine.”

Reaching out to my old contacts had been a risk worth taking, for Xavier.

But now my phone number was no longer a secret.

Anon: I’ll dispense with the apology. Come back and I will forgive you.

Anon: You can’t keep away from me forever. You’ll need money or job.

No, I wouldn’t Not as long as my luck at the card tables held out.

---